Re: WWE - Battle For Brand Supremacy
BY SC2004 >>>
>>> The sentences are just too long. In order to create a better promo flow, you need to keep the sentences short and concise. The opening promo puzzled me on many levels. The two biggest heels in the company, surrounded by faces on the best roster in the company, are feuding with each other, when it obvious that they should be sticking together. Just makes very little sense. If you chose to approach this in simpler manner, say Jericho demanding a title shot, yet still respecting Edge and visa versa, it would of worked. You could have had Teddy Long deny the request due to Jerichoís loss to Mysterio and piss him off my signing Jericho V Edge, champion V champion. Punk being thrown into the mix for no good reason also baffled me, though I see your need for a face presence in the main event and the tease by Punk, that he may cash in Money in the bank was fun. Some of the lines throughout were stunted and a lot of it could have been phrased better. Again the huge sentences were a major issue.
>>> Well youíve always been a better match writer than a promo writer and this opening match between two of SmackDownís biggest new stars was a great way to get the wrestling portion of the show under way. However the violent finish and bizarre aftermath seemed unnecessary. I donít think Ziggler had to be so full on, it was excessive, nailing both the referee and Morrison with a steel chair. Iím in two minds about Hawkins and this sudden, dramatic change in character that appears to have happened overnight with little or no explanation. If youíre just doing all of this for the sake of being shocking, it will fail in the long run. However if you have something planned long term, this could prove to be very interesting indeed.
>>> Weíve pretty much had 2 major promos, so forgive me for thinking it odd that we get another in ring promo, this time featuring Rey. Rey sucking up to the fans, how nice. It was fine though. Now I have to ask you, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND??? You just had Jericho cut a promo in the ring with Edge and heís in the main event tonight, but yet, here he is again. Come on, thatís just sloppy booking and extremely unrealistic if you ask me. Jericho was a lot better here, but you borrowed a lot from the actual promos Jericho cut in real life. It was all by the numbers booking. A cage match between these two should be great however, though I see no point in having Jericho request a world title match earlier and turn on Edge, for him now seemingly being content to face Rey for the IC belt yet again.
>>> The standard womanís match up that continued the Melina, McCool feud. I found it interesting that you choose to bring Gail in to make the save, sheís not the champion and had no real reason to get involved here. Unless your planning to make this a 3 way at Extreme Rules, Iíd leave Kim out of it.
>>> Into the Jeff promo. Again the stunted, lengthy sentences really do hamper the flow of the promo. Also I though your characterization was off here, especially with Punk. His lines made him sound as if he was from the UK. Punk teasing cashing in the briefcase on Jeff at the PPV seems odd as he did it in real life and I see no reason for you to repeat that. Punk is turning heel here, ever so slowly, just like IRL.
>>> Well, a controversial backstage segment involving a transvestite hooker. Not PG, no Sir. It was OK I guess, a little fun. What was strange is how you went from the backstage segment into the match, a straight transition, which doesnít happen at all. The match itself was OK and you kept the feud going by having Cryme Tyme steal the sunglasses. I think the tranny overshadowed the match somewhat.
>>> Iím surprised Ziggler wasnít suspended by Teddy Long. I didnít get the reference, so no points for me. When I think Ziggler, I donít think of him as a guy Iíd hire to take out another superstar. Hawkins is bigger physically, why not do it himself. This is all very strange. Seems like everyone wants to use Kane, not just me. Heís talking about Taker and Bearer Iíd imagine.
>>> You really need to work on how you lay out your shows. This Ziggler segment is literally minutes after his one with Teddy Long. I know you struggled with coding, but it seems like everything is running together, as in itís hard to figure out when one segment end and the next begins. Anyway, like most bookers do, your rushing a storyline instead of letting it build over several weeks. This was all wrong, from Morrison carrying a lead pipe, to Ziggler acting surprised at Morrisonís anger, to Khali, to the excessive violence yet again, to Morrisonís miracle recovery to the everything. Too much, too soon. It was overkill, especially after the Kane promo.
>>> Big win for Kane. Heís obviously inline for a push. I suspect the ďit burnsĒ reference is a throwback to the firs of his youth, memories pain him and so on, thatís how Iíd book it anyway. There is a limit to what you can do with Kane when booked this way. He canít be champion, if thatís what you want, book him like Nige did.
>>> The Main Event was all over the place, but I got a few things out of it. Jericho beat Edge, yet goes into a mid card feud with Rey. Edge is champion, has just lost and is now in the main event feud with Rey. Punk shouldnít of been in the match, made zero sense and Iím intrigued to see how to explain the Kane attack. My head hurts. LOL. TLC between Edge and Jeff should be epic, though itís a repeat of last years main event in terms of the gimmick.
OVERALL: It was all over the place to be honest. You simply tried to do too much, too soon and it just came of as overkill. The violence was over the top, at times it was like being transported back to 1997 and being at an ECW show. The angles could work, even the ridiculous oneís if you have the patience to build them slowly over months as apposed to ramming them down out throats in one week without any explanation as to why this is all happening. The layout needs work. The match writing was great, promos need a lot of attention, especially how you construct your sentences and the characterizations. Honestly, youíve produced much better work, Iíve seen and read it every month. Just put your head down and work on the basics before trying to deliver the weird and wonderful.