Monday Night Raw | April 30 2007 | Fresno CA
Clips from last week, where Eric Bischoff was reinstated as General Manager of Raw, and proceeded to invite Mr. McMahon back to Raw for one final appearance, before being banished from television forever. Tonight, will the Chairman of the Board appear??
No pyro. Instead…
The music of the reinstated GM fills the Save Mart Arena, and Eric Bischoff steps onto the stage, looking mighty happy.
Jim Ross: The Bischoff administration is up and running again. Tonight, Eric Bischoff begins his third reign at the helm of the Monday Night brand, and Coach, he is kicking it off in style. Tonight, Eric Bischoff has invited the boss, who at Backlash was banished from television forever, to make one final appearance - a farewell appearance. But the question remains, will Mister McMahon be here??
The Coach: Let’s hope, out of spite, he doesn’t. That would really disrupt all of Bischoffs plans here tonight. He’s promoting this weeks Raw solely on the HOPE that the boss shows up. Bischoff cant generate interest in himself, he needs a name like Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and I hope Easy E falls flat on his face!!
Jim Ross: Think about the pride of Mister McMahon though. If he doesn’t appear tonight, he’ll forever be remembered as a coward.
Bischoff steps into the ring, and is handed a mic from Lillian Garcia, before standing centre ring, waiting for the music to die down.
Eric Bischoff: Welcome … to the Bischoff approved Monday Night Raw.
Bischoff smirks, as the fans give him a mixed reaction.
Eric Bischoff: Last week, I invited Mister Vincent Kennedy McMahon to come to Fresno, and give the WWE fans a final farewell…
Another mixed response.
Eric Bischoff: Because after all, who wants this to be the final image you ever see of Mister McMahon on WWE television.
Eric points to the titan tron once more, with the image of a gurning Vince McMahon at Backlash being shown.
Eric Bischoff: Gets me every time.
Bischoff chuckles to himself, taking a moment to regroup.
Eric Bischoff: And as luck would have it … I have it on good authority that Vince WILL be here tonight.
Another indifferent response from the fans.
Eric Bischoff: But I’m not hanging all my hopes on tonight’s show being a success, solely on the appearance of Vince McMahon, oh, no, no. Like I said last week … things are going to be different from here on in.
Good reaction for the GM.
Eric Bischoff: That’s why tonight, you will see Kurt Angle in action-
Initial pop, but boos outweigh the cheers eventually.
Eric Bischoff: And tonight, Kurt Angle goes one on one, with MATT HARDY!!!
Good pop, but hardly awe inspiring.
Eric Bischoff: But that’s not all, oh no. On top of that, I’ve also set up a HUGE, eight man tag team match. In one corner, Theodore Longs Brotherhood-
Eric Bischoff: And their opponents will be, the World Tag Team Champions, CM Punk and Greg Helms-
Eric Bischoff: REY MYSTERIO-
Big pop, with the Californians showing love for the Master of the 619.
Eric Bischoff: AND THE HEARTBREAK KID, SHAWN MICHAELS!!!
Massive ovation for HBK. Bischoff nods at the fan reaction, and then proceeds to continue as they die down.
Eric Bischoff: Which leads me on to my next issue … and that’s the controversy surrounding last weeks main event. Y’see, last week when John Cena was in charge, he attempted to determine the new number one contender … yet, due to … let’s call it unforeseen circumstances, the match finished abruptly.
On commentary, J.R matter of factly comments ‘That’s one way of putting it’, as Coach responds ‘Kurt Angle says hi’.
Eric Bischoff: So, we need to determine the next contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, and we need to resolve the issue quickly.
Eric thinks for a moment, then continues once more.
Eric Bischoff: And as you may have heard over the weekend on wwe.com, tomorrow night on the debut of WWE Superstars, Rey Mysterio gets his rematch for the Intercontinental Championship against Shelton Benjamin … well, let’s raise the ante.
Eric Bischoff: How about tomorrow night on Superstars, Rey Mysterio and Shelton Benjamin not only fight it out for the Intercontinental Championship … but for the right to face Christian - in this very ring, next week on Raw - for the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
Eric starts to look excited.
Eric Bischoff: It’ll be CHAMPION VERSUS CHAMPION!!!
Eric then prepares to speak again, but before he can…
**JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES**
The music of the World Heavyweight Champion brings the fans to their feet, and the sight of Christian for the first time since Backlash, brings a massive reaction, with Captain Charisma showing his appreciation for the affection. He pounds his chest, and blows a kiss to the audience, before making his way down the aisle, with the camera focusing on the stitches still visible on his forehead, a lasting scar of Hell in a Cell eight days ago.
Christian steps into the ring, flinging the belt over his shoulders, before casting a look at Bischoff, offering him a harmless nod, before collecting the mic from Lillian Garcia, with the music cutting. As the music dies down, the fans raise their voice again, with plenty of love for the champion in Fresno.
Christian steps back, then takes a look around at his adoring fans, smiling broadly.
Christian: Looks like the Peeps are out in force tonight!!
With a cheeky smirk, Christian nods to the fans, clapping on top of the mic.
Christian: I was only gone for a week … but man, I missed that.
Christian: And y’know, even though I only missed one week … seems like a lot has changed … I mean, there isn’t a McMahon to be seen-
Christian: And after a week in a hospital bed, Triple H found out the hard way that he isn’t always right with his expert analysis.
Another pop. Christians smile fades for a second, before piping up again.
Christian: And while it seems like a lot has changed … in some cases, it feels like it never changed.
Christian motions to Bischoff.
Christian: Good to see ya back in your old role again, Eric … After all, anything would be a step up from Vince McMahon.
Small pop, whilst Bischoff politely smiles, but doesn’t seem overly impressed.
Christian: And after listening to your promises, I’m impressed. And I’m looking forward to the challenge of Rey or Shelton Benjamin next week … but something just doesn’t seem right.
Christian scratches his head, and looks out to the fans.
Christian: It’s all well and good me defending the World Heavyweight title next week … but it feels like all my peeps in Fresno are missing out.
Christian: Now, I’ll admit, I’m still a little banged up after Hell in a Cell … but after spending a week doin nothing … I’m raring to go.
Another cheap pop.
Christian: Now Eric … you promised these fans the very best, week in, week out … so here’s the chance to prove it.
Christian smiles, and gives Bischoff a chance to reflect.
Eric Bischoff: That’s an interesting proposition, Champ. Okay … you want a match tonight?? You got it.
Big pop, and Christian nods.
Eric Bischoff: So I guess, there’s just the little matter of finding you an opponent.
Bischoff ponders momentarily.
Eric Bischoff: Any ideas??
Christian shrugs, looking relaxed, and unfazed.
Probably not who the fans wanted to see at this juncture. Tyson Tomko, the former best friend of Christian, steps onto the stage, carrying a mic, as attention turns to the Problem Solver of the now defunct McMahon Family Empire.
Tyson Tomko: You can stop the search, Bischoff. I want Christian TONIGHT!!!
Christian looks unimpressed by the challenge.
Christian: Well, I guess that’s that problem solved.
Small chuckle from a portion of the audience.
Tyson Tomko: It’s all fun and games for you, isn’t it Christian?? You can joke, because you’re sitting pretty at the very top. But you wont be laughin for much longer. Eric, you put me in the ring with Christian tonight, and I promise, I wont disappoint. Christian, you think you can just walk around here with a grin on your face after what you’ve done to Triple H?? I don’t think so. Tonight, I want to see how funny you find it, when you’re laid up in a hospital bed.
Tomko paces back and forth on the stage, whilst Bischoff thinks it over.
Eric Bischoff: That’s fire right there. I like it. In fact, you’re on. Christian, you wanted a piece of the action tonight?? Congratulations. Tonight, you go one on one, with Tyson Tomko…
Eric Bischoff: IN A NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH!!!
Bigger pop, with Christian far more serious now, nodding. Tomko meanwhile, looks pleased with the announcement.
Eric Bischoff: But the two of you better make it count, because this ongoing issue you’ve got?? It ends tonight. So whatever aggression you’ve got pent up, Tomko … you unleash it tonight, because you wont be getting another chance.
Tomko nods, and points to Christian, before motioning with his hands that he will break Christian in half tonight, then leaves the stage. Bischoff then steps onto the apron, and turns back to Christian.
Eric Bischoff: Enjoy your evening.
Bischoff walks up the aisle, whilst Christian stays in the ring, watching the GM leave, as we cut to the first commercial of the evening.
Clip of Bret Hart rolling up Bam Bam Bigelow to win the King of the Ring tournament in 1993.
“I‘M THE BEST THERE IS, THE BEST THERE WAS, AND THE BEST THERE EVER WILL BE”
Narrator: It has given the platform for champions to establish themselves.
Clip of Owen Hart being crowned King of the Ring in 1994, as we hear him yell over it.
“I‘M THE KING OF HARTS!!!”
Narrator: It has immortalized greats forever.
Clip of Stone Cold Steve Austin winning the 1996 King of the Ring tournament, with the sound bite over it.
“AUSTIN THREE SIXTEEN SAYS, I JUST WHIPPED YOUR ASS”
Narrator: It ushered in the birth of a new attitude.
Clip of Triple H having his hand raised in 1997.
“THE KING OF THE RING!!!”
Narrator: Stars have been born.
Clip of Kurt Angle dropping to his knees in victory in 2000.
“IT‘S TRUE, IT‘S TRUE”
Narrator: Legends have been made.
Clip of Brock Lesnar having his hand raised in 2002, as we hear Paul Heymans voice over the top.
“THE NEXT BIG THING, BRRRRROCK LLLLLESNARRRRR”
Narrator: Careers have skyrocketed.
Clips of Mister Kennedy with the crown last year, and Edge with his trophy in 2001
Narrator: The King of the Ring tournament has provided some of the most memorable moments in sports entertainment history, and on Saturday, June 23, 2007 … the King of the Ring lends itself to another staple in the illustrious history of the WWE … Saturday Nights Main Event.
Clips of current superstars, Shelton Benjamin, MVP, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Straight Edge, Brian Kendrick, Paul London, MNM, Carlito and Brent Albright.
Narrator: The year, the King of the Ring tournament climaxes on NBC, with quarter finals, semi finals and the grand final, on the most special edition of Saturday Nights Main Event in history!!!
Quick clips again of the prominent former winners.
Narrator: Which superstar will use the King of the Ring tournament to follow these legends, icons and immortals into the pantheon of greatness??
~ THE 2007 KING OF THE RING TOURNAMENT ~
!! LIVE ON SATURDAY NIGHTS MAIN EVENT ON NBC !!
JUNE 23 | THE PYRAMID, MEMPHIS TN
SUPERSTARS PROMO - BACK TOMORROW NIGHT
**LIVE FOR THE MOMENT**
Matt Hardy strides onto the stage, signalling to the fans, ahead of another big opportunity against the very best on offer on Raw.
Jim Ross: Matt Hardy has undoubtedly stepped up to the plate since being drafted to the Raw brand last month, and he has been consistently competitive against the very biggest names on Raw - and I am sure tonight will be no different, as he gears up for the King of the Ring tournament, for which Hardy was quick to enter. Hardy has made it clear that the time for him to make his mark - is now.
The Coach: Yeah?? I think it’s time for Matt Hardy to change the time on whatever clock he’s workin off - it’s clearly wrong. He’s got guts, and a whole load of heart, but he’s destined to be the nearly man. He’s not even the most talented Hardy!!
Jim Ross: That’s a matter of opinion, Coach.
The Coach: Yeah, and it’s right.
Looking like a caged bear, Kurt Angle doesn’t even bother to do his pyro pose, storming on down the aisle, eyes locked on Matt Hardy.
Jim Ross: You’ve gotta wonder Coach, what type of punishment could Kurt Angle find himself on the receiving end of, after last weeks crazed attack on John Cena, ending the number one contenders match??
The Coach: Punishment?? You mean reward, right?? Kurt Angle saved us all from having to endure another minute of John Cena running Raw into oblivion.
Jim Ross: Well, it would appear that Kurt Angle is still livid over what went down at Backlash, and that surely doesn’t bode well for Matt Hardy.
Kurt Angle vs. Matt Hardy
Once again, Matt Hardy gives a good account of himself, in against the very best that Raw has to offer, with Angle also showing extra aggression, still seemingly fuming over how events turned out at Backlash last Sunday. However, much like their contest four weeks ago on Raw, it’s the bona fide main eventer that comes out on top, but not without another valiant effort from Hardy, who gives Angle another big scare, coming close to victory with a number of near falls, more than holding his own against the best in the business.
Matt nearly scores an upset with his trademark leg drop off the middle rope … but just as he believes the momentum has swung his way to finish Angle off with the Twist of Fate, he gets Angle into position, but on the twist … Kurt runs Matt into the corner, and instantly delivers the Angle Slam, then goes for the ankle … and despite Matt desperately reaching for the ropes, he’s unable to get there, and once again has to tap out to the Olympian.
Winner: Kurt Angle @ 09:05
Angle wins, having his arm raised in victory. Kurt looks down at his beaten opponent, with Matt rolling out of the ring, clutching his ankle. Meanwhile, Kurt motions to ringside, asking for a mic, with his music dying down as he is handed the object.
Kurt Angle: I just want to get something off my chest.
Slightly breathless, Angle composes himself, as the fans show their voice.
Kurt Angle: It seems to me that Monday Night Raw is headed right down the freakin toilet.
Kurt Angle: First of all, John Cena was placed in a position of power last Monday night. And even though it may have only been for one night, as far as I’m concerned, it was one night too long. I mean, who the hell sanctioned that sort of calamity?? Oh, that’s right … Linda McMahon.
Pop for Linda.
Kurt Angle: And as if that wasn’t enough, tonight, the man that’s responsible for the WWE becoming the global brand it is today, the man that built this place from the ground up, is going to be humiliated in his final television appearance.
Pop from the fans, with Angle getting agitated.
Kurt Angle: THAT FREAKIN STINKS!!!
Kurt Angle: And y’know what?? I don’t want to be a part of it. I don’t want to be associated in any way, shape or form, with what’s going down here tonight. So, since I’ve completed my obligations … I’m ditching this freak show before the circus arrives.
Mixed reaction. But Angle isn’t quite finished yet.
Kurt Angle: And if any of you people have any sense … or any morals for that matter … you’ll do the same.
Angle slams the mic down, and proceeds to exit the ring, storming up the aisle, and through the curtain, like a man rushing to be somewhere else.
Backstage, we see Kurt Angle, now wearing a t-shirt, along with his gear, and his bag over his shoulder, wasting no time to leave the arena. However, just as he opens the double doors to walk into the parking lot, we hear from a distance…
Angle spins around, looking to see who is calling him, and the camera pans to show the Raw General Manager, Eric Bischoff. Angle looks far from pleased to see his boss, but waits at the doors, as Eric quickly moves toward him, raising his hands in order to display his innocence.
Eric Bischoff: Kurt, I understand that you’re not happy.
Kurt Angle: That’s an understatement.
Eric Bischoff: Okay then, you’re very unhappy. But, look - this cant continue. I mean, last week, you didn’t show up for work until the last five minutes of the show. It’s unacceptable, Kurt. Now, I let that go because I wasn’t in charge last week … but you cant just get up and go as you please.
Angle drops his bag to the floor, and looks to intimidate Bischoff.
Kurt Angle: Are you gonna stop me??
Eric smirks momentarily, but the smile fades quickly.
Eric Bischoff: No. Not tonight, anyway. Tonight, I’m allowing you to leave. But Kurt, it seems like we’re getting off on the wrong foot here … believe me, I want to build MY Monday Night Raw around you. But in order for me to do that, I need your co-operation.
Angle folds his arms, listening intently.
Eric Bischoff: And as a gesture of good faith, I’m going to give you something I think you’ll want … next week on Monday Night Raw, you’re going to get a chance to settle the score with John Cena.
Kurt nods, but shows little other emotion.
Eric Bischoff: That’s right, Kurt Angle, one on one, with John Cena. Okay??
Angle exhales, and picks up his bag.
Kurt Angle: It’s a start.
Kurt turns, and leaves through the doors, as Bischoff smiles, nodding, as we fade out.
Backstage, Todd Grisham is standing by.
Todd Grisham: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time, Melina.
Melina is brought into view, already grinning … with the womens championship - Alexis Larees womens championship - sitting prominently over her shoulder.
Todd Grisham: As we can see, currently, you’re holding the Womens Championship, after Alexis Laree walked out of the tag team match-
Melina: And it’s going to remain here, Todd. The way I see it, it’s matter of time before this little name plate here has my name on it again … so why shouldn’t I hold onto it for the time being??
Melina rubs the belt, smiling, as Grisham tentatively continues.
Todd Grisham: Uhm… last week Melina, you explained to me that there was, a lot of dirt yet to be dished on Alexis Laree, and if she was to step out of line, you’d have no hesitation about exposing the dark secrets that the Womens Champion has been keeping. Now, as you alluded to earlier, later in the evening, you competed against Alexis in a tag team match, seemingly, ordering her to leave the match, essentially making it a handicap match. All of which leads me to ask … what choice does Alexis Laree have tonight, when she faces you in just a few moments in a non title match.
Melina remains silent for a moment, happy to smirk to herself.
Melina: I’m not sure I understand you, Todd. What choice does “Alexis” have?? What makes you think she’s got a choice?? If she’s smart, she’ll realise she simply has … NO choice … but to do the right thing.
Todd plays dumb.
Todd Grisham: Which is??
Melina slowly lets out an evil cackle, before calming down.
Melina: Not to cross me. Otherwise … well, for our dear womens champion … it’s not something she even wants to contemplate.
Melina continues to look highly pleased with herself.
Melina: Between you and me, Todd … I don’t think it’ll be too long before I’m back where I belong … and that’s on top of the womens division, with MY title.
Melina walks off the set, smiling broadly as we cut to ringside.
Jim Ross: Coach, I don’t like where this situation is heading. If we read between the lines, it seems pretty obvious to me that Melina is expecting Alexis Laree to lay down in the middle of the ring, or run the risk of her secrets being revealed to the entire world. And then what?? With a victory over the champion, Melina becomes the number one contender … and what choice will Alexis Laree have??
The Coach: Not sure what you’re reading between the lines, old timer, but Melina didn’t say anything of the sort. She didn’t say she expects Alexis to lie down for her tonight. She just wants her to do the right thing.
Jim Ross: Oh, and what do you perceive that to be??
The Coach: Well, by the sounds of things, she needs to clean out that closet of hers!!
Coach laughs hysterically at his own joke.
Jim Ross: Folks, don’t change your channel, this IS NOT Eddie Murphy Raw, this is Monday Night Raw. And later tonight, Christian and Tyson Tomko settle their differences, once and for all, in a No Disqualification Match. But on top of that, Mister McMahon is expected to deliver a farewell address - his final ever appearance on Monday Night Raw, comes tonight!! It’s all still to come, TONIGHT!!!
Match 2 | NON-TITLE MATCH:
Alexis Laree vs. Melina
The bell rings, but neither female moves. Alexis almost looks torn as to what to do, with Melina ever so slowly creeping forward, with the title belt still in her hands, and a knowing grin on her face, grabbing the attention of the champion, and looking down at the canvas, motioning for Laree to lay down. The fans boo, as the champion looks around, having to contemplate whether or not to do as Melina requests - knowing the repercussions of not following the orders. Laree casts her eyes on the belt in Melinas hands, looking at it, then gets down on a knee, but stops there. Quickly, Melina barks at her to ‘LIE DOWN’, with Laree torn on what to do, looking up at her rival, with Melina pointing for her to get down and allow her to cover … BUT ALEXIS GETS UP!!!
The fans pop, as Laree gets to her feet, and into the face of Melina, with Melina not looking overly concerned, still holding the belt, and asks the champion “Are you sure this is what you want to do?? Think about it.” Laree steps back, and takes a look at the fans, willing her on to throttle the cocky A-Lister, with Melina now getting rather anxious herself, and gets in the champions face, pointing to the canvas for her to get down ‘OR ELSE’. Laree sighs, and puts her head down momentarily, with Melina not giving her any space whatsoever to even think … BEFORE ALEXIS SURPRISES MELINA AND GRABS THE CHAMPIONSHIP FROM HER GRASP … AND NAILS MELINA WITH THE TITLE BELT, KNOCKING HER OUT!!! Instantly, the bell is rang, signalling the DQ.
Winner: Via DQ - Melina @ 01:45
Melina gets the result she wanted … but not how she wanted it. Alexis immediately slides out of the ring - with her title - , and runs up the aisle, looking close to tears, having just got herself intentionally disqualified, knowing that sooner or later she’ll need to make a decision between defending her title, or keeping the secrets locked away. Meanwhile, in the ring, Mike Chioda tries to help Melina up, with the A-Lister out of sorts after the stiff belt shot to the head.
The Coach: That is despicable behaviour. Certainly not becoming of the WWE Womens Champion. If Eric Bischoff had any sense, he’d strip that hussie of the title, and award it to Melina right now!!!
Jim Ross: Hey, Melina got what she wanted. She wanted Alexis to lose this match intentionally, and by Gawd, that’s what the champion did.
The Coach: It’s common assault, J.R, and you know it!!!
Jim Ross: I cant blame her, Coach. Alexis Laree is being pushed to the limit by Melina, her life is fast becoming more and more complicated, and she’s had enough!!!
The Coach: If she cant take the heat, she needs to get out of the kitchen. I just cant believe you advocate someone like Alexis Laree as our Womens Champion. With all those secrets she’s hiding from her fans, she’s an awful representative of this company.
Jim Ross: We don’t even know what these revelations are, Coach. How can we judge her before we even know the facts??
The Coach: I know enough, J.R!!!
Jim Ross: You don’t know squat, Coachman!!!
The Coach: Maybe I ought to go check on Melina.
Jim Ross: Yeah, you go do that, see if you can get the scoop, huh??
Backstage, we see Cody Rhodes walking down the hallway, as if he’s looking for Goldust. He walks into a darkened room, and starts to speak out.
Cody Rhodes: Hey, Dust- I mean, Goldust?? Where are you??
The light flicks on, with Goldust stood right in front of Cody, giving the youngster a fright. Cody breathes heavily after the fright.
Cody Rhodes: Dammit, you scared me.
The Bizarre One stands statuesque for a moment, then wags his finger.
Goldust: You need to be wary of danger at all times, Cody.
Cody shrugs, and nods, begrudgingly accepting the ‘advice’ of the Bizarre One … but his attention then diverts past Goldust, with his eyes bugging out slightly.
Cody Rhodes: Okay, what is that doing here??
The camera pans around … and shows a massive hanging slab of meat from the ceiling, ala Rocky.
Goldust: This is your next step in the training regime, Cody.
Cody shakes his head.
Cody Rhodes: This is just ridiculous now Du- … Goldust. I mean, seriously, last week, you had me paint a fence … then I had to wax your car. Think I saw that in a movie once, y’know?? Now, lemme guess, you want me to pound this piece of meat??
The Bizarre One scoffs.
Goldust: Well, you’re certainly not here to eat it!!
Almost offended by Cody’s questioning, Goldust looks away, huffing. Cody shakes his head, letting out a brief chuckle.
Cody Rhodes: Seriously?? I mean, last week, you blatantly ripped off the Karate Kid … and now you’re next ‘training masterclass’ is right outta Rocky. What next, you gonna have me drink a glass of raw eggs??
Goldust has a look on his face that suggests that’s exactly what he had planned next, but scoffs at the suggestion.
Goldust: Pfft … of course not.
Cody doesn’t seem impressed, as Goldust moves past him, grabbing a bag, assumedly containing the box of eggs, and quickly throws them in the bin.
Cody Rhodes: Well what then?? You gonna have me chase a Chicken??
Rumbled again, Goldust does a bad job of denying, rapidly shaking his head to say no. As he does, we hear a familiar ‘BUCK-AWK’ from a closet, sounding eerily like a Chicken.
Cody Rhodes: What was that??
The Bizarre One stands statuesque, sharply answering.
Cody shakes his head in disgust.
Cody Rhodes: Alright, that’s it. I’m outta here. I told Dad this was a stupid idea.
Rhodes looks to walk out of the room, but Goldust calls him back.
Goldust: CODY … COME BACK!!!
Cody stops, and rolls his eyes, turning back around.
Goldust: You CANT leave. You simply CAN- CAN- CAN- DO THE CAN CAN - YOU CANT LEAVE!!!
Cody sighs, and trudges back toward Goldust, with the Bizarre One clutching Cody, and hugging him tightly.
Goldust: I knew you’d come back!!!
Goldust pulls away, then looks into Cody’s eyes.
Goldust: You just need to believe in yourself, young Cody. I know it looks daunting, but you CAN pound this beef.
Goldust leads Cody to the meat, and stands behind him, rubbing his shoulders.
Goldust: Now, let’s get to work. I want you to pound this meat until you cant feel your hands anymore.
Goldust shoves Cody forward, with the youngster stumbling into the meat.
Goldust: I have a good feeling about this Cody!! With my guidance, and your co-operation, you WILL be the 2007 King of the Ring!!!
Goldust turns away, and begins to leave the room, as Cody stares at the meat.
Goldust: Now, while you pound - BEAT- BEAT- BEAT THAT MEAT- AARRHHH- BEAT THE MEAT!! While you pound that meat, I’ll go get the chicken ready.
Cody stops, and looks up, having been right about the Chicken Chasing exercise right out of Rocky II.
Goldust: Because, remember Cody, to win this King of the Ring tournament … I need to make you EAT LIGHTNING … AND CRAP THUNDAAAA!!!
Goldust then disappears out of view, with Cody shaking his head in despair.
FEATURING THE DOUBLE JEOPARDY MATCH BETWEEN SHELTON BENJAMIN AND REY MYSTERIO; FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP AND FOR A SHOT AT THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP NEXT WEEK ON RAW!!
Backstage, we see Mercury and Nitro standing over Melina, who is sat down, holding an ice pack to her face, as trainers also tend to her. Todd Grisham then steps into view, attempting to get a word.
Todd Grisham: Melina??
Nitro and Mercury cut Grisham off from moving any closer forward.
Johnny Nitro: Not now Waldo, beat it.
Melina: It’s okay guys, let him through.
Nitro and Mercury glance back, with Melina nodding. The two men begrudgingly let Grisham through.
Todd Grisham: Uh, Melina, after speaking with me earlier, you stated that you expected Alexis Laree to do the right thing … and despite her actions, it did result in victory for you, and as I believe it right now, you will challenge Alexis, next week, for the Womens Championship. Given that you now will have the match you intended to get … did Alexis Laree do the right thing??
Melina rolls her eyes. She then removes the ice pack, and looks Grisham dead in the eye.
Melina: All things considered … Alexis Laree is extremely fortunate that her deepest, darkest secrets are still just that. She avoided lying down tonight, and gave me what I wanted … but not exactly how I wanted it. But Todd … Alexis should think of tonight as her last heroic stand. Because she cant lose that title by a disqualification next week. If our good friend doesn’t lie down next week … bad things are going to happen.
Melina leans back, reapplying the ice pack, as Mercury and Nitro step back in.
Joey Mercury: Alright Clark, time for you to hit the bricks. Time’s up.
The two men drag Grisham away, with Todd not putting up any struggle, simply allowing the two men to drag him from the scene.
Back into the arena…
William Regal is already in the ring, waiting for his opponent. Not even worthy of an introduction tonight?? Doesn’t bode well for the veteran.
Mister Kennedy storms onto the stage, and contemplates bypassing the ceiling microphone spot, but the 2006 King of the Ring stops, with a cheeky glint in his eyes, and grabs onto the mic, with the music dying down.
Mister Kennedy: Sorry people, no introductions tonight, just a very special message for one man. MISTER BISCHOFF … I WANNA RUN … GIMME THE FREAKIN BALL!!!
Heat from the fans for no reason.
Mister Kennedy: Sit up straight Eric, and WATCH YOUR FUTURE JUGGERNAUGHT!!!
Kennedy shakes his head, pointing toward the ring.
Mister Kennedy: And I aint talkin about little Willy down there … I’m talkin about ME … MISTERRRRRRRRRR KENNEDAYYYYYYYY …
Kennedy licks his lips, and nods, whilst Regal looks furious in the ring, motioning for Kennedy to bring it on.
Mister Kennedy: KENNEDAYYYY!!!
Kennedy releases the mic, and then jogs down the aisle, straight into the ring, with Regal instantly meeting him, and the two go right at it.
Mister Kennedy vs. William Regal
It’s all Kennedy in the early going, despite Regal coming in all guns blazing. Kennedy lets his aggression show, pounding at Regal, but as he sets up for the Face Wash, Regal manoeuvres himself to safety, then trips Kennedy down, and gets to work himself, scoring a couple of near falls, and an incredibly near fall off a butterfly suplex, but Kennedy survives the onslaught.
Regal, in the ascendancy, looks to deliver a knee trembler and score an unlikely victory, but Kennedy avoids it, then looks to set up the Mic Check, only for Regal to roll out of it, and out of harms way, but Kennedy catches the veteran on the return with a big clothesline. Regal looks dazed from that point, and becomes easy pickings, as Kennedy delivers the Mic Check on the second attempt, and picks up the 1...2...3!!!
Winner: Mister Kennedy @ 04:31
Kennedy backs his words up, and continues his impressive run - having not been pinned since February 19 - picking up another win. The 2006 King of the Ring has his arm raised, and simply stares into the audience, not saying a word, as his actions do the talking tonight.
The Coach: Last week, he issued his mission statement … tonight, Mister Kennedy just started his mission. This is the guy to watch, J.R. 2007 is gonna be the year of Mister Kennedy!!!
Jim Ross: It remains to be seen Coach, but it’s pretty obvious that you’re buying into him. He sure did look impressive tonight, but for me, it’s a case of the boy who cried wolf. I’ve lost count of the number of times that man that promised to make a bigger impact … at some point he needs to deliver.
The Coach: And that time is now J.R. This man is seizing the opportunity as we speak. He is making his march, and he’s cutting through the Raw roster, right to the top of the mountain. Trust me, we are watching the evolution of a new age superstar, as we speak. I can feel it. I know it!!!
Jim Ross: Be that as it may, he has a long way to go. He has a lot of doubters to prove wrong, including me, but if he continues on this path, he could well prove us wrong. He has the tools, no doubt about it … but he has to live up to the hype. And folks, speaking of hype, it doesn’t get much better than an eight man tag team match, in just a few moments. The Brotherhood line up to face the World Tag Team Champions, Straight Edge, the former Intercontinental Champion Rey Mysterio … and the Showstopper himself, Shawn Michaels!!! It’s all to come, when we return!!!
The music of Shawn Michaels hits as soon as the show returns, and HBK strides into view, set for action, and looks deadly focused, with no signs of a smile tonight - he’s all business.
Jim Ross: Shawn Michaels has found himself on the end of a succession of brutal attacks from Umaga in the past month. It all started in Madison Square Garden four weeks ago on Raw. Then, at Backlash, Umaga pinned the Showstopper to win the Money in the Bank briefcase, and last week on Raw, The Samoan Bulldozer, under the guidance of his handler, Armando Estrada, slammed Michaels onto the steel ramp. Tonight though, The Heart Break Kid has other things on his agenda - but make no mistake about it Coach, Shawn Michaels is not going to forget Umaga.
The Coach: Well, he should. Shawn Michaels wants no part of Umaga. It’s no secret The Showstopper’s clock is running out of time - but if he looks to pick a fight with the new Mister Money in the Bank, he’ll be put into early retirement.
Jim Ross: Shawn Michaels has never ran away from a challenge in his life, an-
The Coach: Now’s a good time to start, believe me.
In the ring, HBK fires off his added ring attire, but as the music dies down, he motions for a mic.
Shawn Michaels: Boys and girls, Good ‘ol HBK has got himself a problem … it’s about Three Hundred and fifty pounds of problem to be exact.
HBK pauses, bearing his teeth, as he thinks about Umaga.
Shawn Michaels: See, problem is, this “Bulldozer” is lookin to make an impression … and it seems like his … advisor for lack of a better term, suitable for television at least, has pin pointed yours truly as a steppin stone. It doesn’t work like that.
Michaels shakes his head.
Shawn Michaels: As a matter of fact … I’m getting pretty sick and tired of being thrown around, week after week … in fact, I’m not just sick and tired … I’M DONE WITH BEING YOUR RAGDOLL!!!
Pop from the fans.
Shawn Michaels: Y’see big guy, you’ve picked the wrong fight. Because I couldn’t care less how big ya are, how strong ya are, or how batshit crazy ya might be … because lemme tell ya something … I’ve seen ‘em all, big and small, I’ve fought ‘em all … and yeah, I’ve beat ‘em all too.
Another pop for HBK.
Shawn Michaels: The Heart Break Kid has never ran from a challenge in his life, and if you think I’m gonna run scared from a freak with face paint, you got another thing comin’.
Small ‘HBK’ chant stirs.
Shawn Michaels: You wanna keep pickin a fight with me, Umaga?? You go right ahead … cause I aint gonna be hard to find … I’ll be right here, week after week, and I’ll keep comin back for more, ‘til I chop ya down … and kick those gold teeth right down your stinkin throat!!!
Shawn gets the intense close up, looking deadly serious.
Shawn Michaels: So how about it?? Let’s stop the sneak attacks - I’m layin my cards on the table, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!
HBK starts to twirl his finger, mocking Estrada.
Shawn Michaels: ARRRRRRRMANDOOOOO … how about you bring that big lug to this ring, and face me like a man. How about translating to him that I’m callin his ass out!!!
Big pop from the fans.
Shawn Michaels: Whenever he wants … WHEREVER HE WANTS!!! Name the time, name the place, and I’ll be there, wearin my cowboy boots, ready ta fight.
Michaels pauses momentarily.
Shawn Michaels: No more attacks from behind … no more run ins … I want Umaga, IN THIS RING!!!
HBK points to the canvas, showing no fear.
Shawn Michaels: Then, we’ll see just how big of a deal The Samoan Bulldozer is. Because then, he’s not just steppin in the ring with another sacrificial lamb … you’ll be gettin THE SHOWSTOPPA … THE HEADLINER … THE ICON … THE MAIN EVENT … THE HEART BREAK KID … SHAWN MICHAELS!!!
Massive roar from the fans.
Shawn Michaels: Estrada, you think it over, while you feed that beast of yours … I’ll be right here, doin what I do best, and that’s get the job done, whilst stealing the show … in the ring.
Michaels chucks the mic out of the ring, firing himself up, as we get ready for the eight man tag.
The World Tag Team Champions enter the stage, getting a nice reaction, ahead of the eight man tag.
Jim Ross: Well, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time, I believe, Umaga has been called out!!! The Heart Break Kid has had enough of the beatings, and now, he wants a piece of the undefeated Samoan Bulldozer. But next, Shawn Michaels will team with Greg Helms, CM Punk, AND Rey Mysterio. It’s our eight man tag team match … and it’s next!!!
We return with Rey now in the ring, slapping hands with his partners, as we await the opposition.
**SOMEBODIES GONNA GET IT**
The familiar music of The Brotherhood is greeted with the intense heat it always is, as Theodore Long leads out his band of merry men, as J.R and Coach take the opportunity to hype tomorrow nights Number One Contender Match; also for the Intercontinental Championship, with Shelton Benjamin facing Rey Mysterio, as the two men get somewhat of a tune up tonight.
Match 4 | EIGHT MAN TAG TEAM MATCH:
Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio & Straight Edge vs. The Brotherhood w/Theodore Long
The match starts off cagily, with Punk and JTG feeling each other out, with Punk eventually getting the better of the exchange, and JTG decides to fight another day, bringing in the Alpha Male, who offers a completely different challenge to the Straight Edge superstar. As Punk struggles to deal with the powerful offence of Brown, the Brotherhood begin to take a foothold on the contest, and the introduction of Mark Henry doesn’t help the cause of the faces.
Despite the considerable size disadvantage, Punk manages to fight off Henry, and tags out to Mysterio, who instantly quickens the pace, and leaves Henry chasing shadows, eventually taking him down, tripping him into the ropes, setting up for the 619 … but Henry avoids it, then squashes Rey with a blistering clothesline. He then offers a tag to Benjamin, but under the orders of Theodore Long - Benjamin doesn’t take it!! Henry nods, and offers the tag to JTG instead.
As the match continues, Rey overcomes JTG, and brings Greg Helms into the fold, with the face side gaining the momentum, as Straight Edge get to show off their team work, whilst Shawn Michaels also gets in on the action. On commentary, J.R and Coach discuss the non-activity of Shelton Benjamin, with J.R calling it cowardly, and Coach calling it smart, with such a big showdown in twenty four hours, with so much at stake, not needing to take the risk of injury tonight.
Mysterio though doesn’t follow the same tactics, and continues to play an active part in the match, and after tagging back in from Shawn Michaels, has his way with Monty Brown, until a sneaky forearm from Shelton on the apron, as Rey ran off the ropes puts a stop to it, and also leads to The Brotherhood getting the upper hand once again, with Rey conveniently becoming their rag doll, getting a prime opportunity to put the hurting on the man that faces Benjamin tomorrow night.
Rey is forced to take a beating from the three active members of the Brotherhood, as Benjamin simply watches on from the apron, and Theodore Long barks the orders from ringside. Mysterio some how survives the onslaught, kicking out of everything he takes, then as Monty Brown attempts to deliver The Pounce … MYSTERIO DIVES OUT OF HARMS WAY!!! Browns momentum runs him right into the corner, and he staggers out, dazed … as Rey leaps to his corner … AND TAGS IN SHAWN MICHAELS!!!
The hot tag sparks a massive pop in Fresno, as HBK gets to work, letting fly with knife edge chops to Brown, and catches an incoming JTG with an inverted atomic drop, before sending him back out of the ring with a clothesline over the top rope, to the floor. As that happens though, Brown manages to make a tag himself … to Mark Henry. Henry steps inside, and as HBK turns back around, he’s confronted by the Worlds Strongest Man.
Michaels shows no fear, and goes to Henry, throwing everything he’s got at him, and rocks the big man, with Henry teetering, and HBK runs off the ropes to gain momentum … AND KNOCKS HIM DOWN WITH THE FLYING FOREARM!!! Henry goes down, and Michaels nips back up, getting the fans to cheer him on, as he climbs the ropes, with Theodore Long barely able to watch through his fingers at what he’s seeing … AS MICHAELS DELIVERS THE FLYING ELBOW!!!
HBK is quickly back to his feet, and instantly begins to tune up the band … and The Brotherhood have seen enough!!! JTG hammers HBK from behind on the apron, having recovered from the clothesline to the outside, and that one action sets off a chain reaction, with Straight Edge and Rey Mysterio immediately getting in the ring, and the brawl is on. Oddly though, it’s a one sided brawl, as Theodore Long instructs Shelton Benjamin to get off the apron, AND NOT get involved.
Benjamin does as he is told, and it leaves his three stable mates in dire straights, with JTG and Brown taken care of by Punk and Helms, whilst Mysterio delivers the 619 to Mark Henry, and as Henry stumbles out from the ropes, HBK delivers with Sweet Chin Music, and makes the cover on the big man, 1...2...3!!!
Winners: Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio & Straight Edge @ 13:22
Shawn Michaels delivers a big warning to Umaga, disposing of the Worlds Strongest Man, whilst Shelton Benjamin and Theodore Long leave up the ramp, with Benjamin totally fresh for tomorrow nights Superstars showdown with Rey Mysterio.
In the ring, the faces stand tall in victory, whilst JTG and Monty Brown drag Mark Henry from the ring, as we cut to a commercial.
We return amidst some chaos, with trainers surrounding Shawn Michaels at the top of the ramp, with J.R speaking, to explain the situation.
Jim Ross: Folks, during the commercial break, just as Shawn Michaels was leaving the stage, he turned to salute the fans one more time … and then, this happened …
Clip from during the commercial, with Shawn Michaels turning to wave to the fans … and as he turns back around … HE GETS A CLOTHESLINE FROM UMAGA!!!
With Armando Estrada by his side, Mister Money in the Bank stands over HBK, with Michaels holding the back of his head, having had it bounced off the steel stage. Without a mic, we hear what Estrada has to say, with the camera picking it up.
“Ju don’t want none of this, hombre. Ju don’t want none of THE Samoan Bulldozer. But ju asked for it mi amigo, and ju‘re gonna get it”
On the stage, Estrada, still holding the ominous briefcase, raises the hand of the Bulldozer, who stares down at Shawn Michaels, still holding his head in agony.
Back live, we see Shawn Michaels being led from the arena, to a big ovation from the fans, as we cut to ringside with J.R and Coach.
Jim Ross: This situation continues to rumble, Coach. Shawn Michaels challenged Umaga to meet him, face to face … but he was attacked from behind once again. For such a scary, big, monster of a man, Umaga doesn’t seem to like it when it’s face to face.
The Coach: Are you serious?? Umaga doesn’t sweat anybody, least of all ‘ol HBK. Why should he give Michaels what he wants?? Nah, with the master of the mind games by his side, Umaga is gonna keep doing what’s he doing, and that’s beat the holy hell outta Shawn Michaels.
Jim Ross: Sooner or later, those two are gonna meet, Coach, and then, and only then, will we know what Umaga is made of.
The Coach: Like it’s in doubt.
Jim Ross: In any event, there will be hell to pay. Shawn Michaels wont just lay down for Umaga, that’s for damn sure. But folks, that’s an issue for another time. Still to come tonight, Christian meets Tyson Tomko in order to settle the score once and for all, with no disqualifications. Not only that, but we are still expecting the arrival of Mister McMahon, who has been invited to Raw tonight to make his farewell address. Will Vince be here?? That will be answered later, but before that, let’s send it back to Kelly Kelly…
Backstage, Kelly Kelly is standing by with The British Lions for an interview.
Kelly Kelly: Guys, tonight, Harry is in singles action, taking on Johnny Nitro, but in recent weeks, since the two of you became a unit, many experts have tipped you as future World Tag Team Champions. What I want to know is, how far away do the two of you believe yourselves to be from challenging for the titles??
Burchill prepares to speak, but Katie Lea steps in, and politely asks if she can answer. Burchill nods, and gives his step-sister the mic.
Katie Lea: Kelly, these two specimens are ready now. There’s no need for us to wait our turn. In fact, right now, given the tag teams on Raw … perhaps we’re best placed for a shot at Straight Edge. We’ve already beaten The Brotherhood, and MNM lost their last opportunity at the titles. Given my brothers undefeated record since debuting in the WWE, and the history that precedes Harry, and the genetics he inherited … we have the perfect blend of size, power, knowledge and raw skill that it takes to be successful.
Katie suddenly stops. Nitro and Mercury have appeared on the scene. Burchill and Smith step in front of Katie, and go face to face with MNM, as Kelly gets the mic in front of Nitro.
Joey Mercury: We wouldn’t be getting too far ahead of ourselves if we were you. Johnny and myself?? We’re not out of the hunt for those tag team titles.
Smith chuckles, whilst Nitro gets in his face.
Johnny Nitro: You find something funny, laughing boy??
Harry Smith: I do actually. I mean, I would’ve thought you two are sick of being beaten by Straight Edge by now. It must be just the two of you that realise you’re not in their league.
Nitro rips off his sunglasses, looking furious.
Johnny Nitro: I guess we’ll find out if you’re in MY league in just a few minutes, huh??
Nitro shoves Smith, as MNM quickly get away, with The British Lions looking irate by the sneak shove and run.
Harry Smith w/Burchill & Katie Lea vs. Nitro w/Mercury
Very quick but even contest, with both men getting in bouts of offence, but the match is used for J.R and Coach to do more shilling for the King of the Ring, Superstars returning tomorrow night, and tonights main event, along with the possible appearance of Mister McMahon. The finish to this one comes rather suddenly, as Smith oddly goes to the top, and comes off with a cross body, but Nitro rolls through, and hooks the tights for the cover, 1...2...3!!!
Winner: Nitro @ 03:07
Nitro steals the win, and quickly hightails it, along with Mercury, as the former tag team champions get back to winning ways. In the ring, Burchill, Smith and Katie Lea are livid, and gesture to MNM that this is far from over.
Jim Ross: Daylight robbery!!! That’s what that was Coach. Johnny Nitro just blatantly cheated to defeat young Harry Smith!!
The Coach: But he didn’t get caught, and THAT’S what matters. MNM, back on track, baby boy.
Jim Ross: By the looks of things, The British Lions wont be letting this issue rest. But that’s for another week. Tonight, we’ve still got our main event; the World Heavyweight Champion in action!! But also, we’re still awaiting the arrival of Mister McMahon. Will McMahon appear tonight, and give us a farewell address, before being banished from television … forever?? Before all that though, I believe Todd Grisham is waiting backstage, outside Eric Bischoff’s office. Todd, what’s going on??
Cut to Todd…
Todd Grisham: Well J.R, I’ve been summoned here by Mister Bischoff, who is expected to make an announcement regarding next weeks Monday Night Raw. And in fact, here he is now. Mister Bischoff??
Bischoff finishes up a phone conversation, placing his cell back into his pocket, and greets Grisham.
Todd Grisham: Mister Bischoff, I believe you wanted to make an announcement about Monday Night Raw next week??
Eric Bischoff: Indeed I do, Todd. Indeed I do. For starters, I have it on good authority, that Mister McMahon WILL be here tonight.
Heat from the fans.
Eric Bischoff: But my big announcement is about next week. Y’see, I made the edict last week that I’d raise the bar here on Raw. And that’s exactly what I plan on doing. So next week, you’re going to see the return of one of MY greatest creations. Next week, Monday Night Raw … becomes RAW ROULETTE!!!
Pop. Some boos, as the fans tonight would’ve liked the roulette here.
Eric Bischoff: Every match will have a stipulation. Every match will have it’s stipulation determined on the spin of the roulette wheel. It could be as heinous as a streetfight … or it could be as bizarre as a lingerie match. It could be a steel cage match … or a parking lot brawl. It’s out of my hands … it’ll be exciting, it’ll be chaotic … and it’ll be brilliant television … courtesy of Eric Bischoff.
Bischoff smiles, as we fade to ringside…
Jim Ross: Business … just picked up, Coach.
The Coach: You aint kidding old timer. It’s been two years since Raw Roulette, and it’s been long overdue. Credit where it’s due … Bischoff just made a pretty good call.
Jim Ross: And just think about it, Kurt Angle and John Cena next week - the World Heavyweight Championship on the line also. Those matches could be contested under all kinds of rules. It could be TLC, it could be Last Man Standing, or like Bischoff just stated, it could be as ridiculous as a Lingerie Match!! The possibilities are endless!!!
The Coach: It’ll be a heck of a night.
Tyson Tomko enters for his big opportunity against Captain Charisma, in a No DQ match, in a bid to settle his score with the champion.
Jim Ross: That’s all to come next week though in Louisville. Still to come tonight, it’s Christian and Tyson Tomko … and it’s next!!!
We return, with Tomko pacing the ring, waiting for his former friend to enter.
**JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES**
It’s a mammoth pop for the champion, who strides onto the stage, pounding his chest as always, and looking out to the sea of fans … but quickly has to change his vantage point, as TYSON TOMKO DOESN’T WANT TO WAIT!!!
Tomko and Christian end up meeting on the stage, and trade blows, with Tomko getting the better of the exchange, then charging at the champion, but Christian delivers a back body drop onto the steel ramp!!!
Christian takes his belt off, and grabs Tomko, running him to the ring, with the match officially getting under way.
Main Event | NON-TITLE, NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH:
Christian vs. Tyson Tomko
It turns out to be a more even match than anticipated, with Tomko more than holding his own against the less than a hundred per cent champion. The Problem Solver takes over, after the early going where Christian dominated, thanks to a big boot, which resulted in a near fall for the big man. Tomko then takes advantage of the No DQ ruling, bringing in a cookie tray, smashing it against the skull of Christian for another near fall.
The Problem Solver takes the match to the outside, running Christian into the steel steps, then rams him into the barrier, before slamming the champion onto the floor, after removing the mats. With Tomko in control, the big man takes the chance to look under the ring for more instruments of destruction, and drags out a table, sliding it into the ring, before grabbing a steel chair, and bringing that inside too, along with Christian, sending the champion into the corner.
With the chair in hand, Tomko runs across, looking to decapitate Christian, but the champion sees it coming, and turns into the ropes, then delivers his seesaw kick on the ropes, sending the chair into the face of the Problem Solver!!! Tomko staggers away, as Christian regains his composure, perching himself on the top rope, waiting for Tomko to turn around … and delivers a reverse elbow off the top!!! With the champion in the ascendancy, he looks to deliver a reverse DDT, but Tomko slips out, knocking Christian back down with a clothesline, then picks him up, looking to finish him off with a Pumphandle Slam on the chair … BUT CHRISTIAN SLIPS OUT … AND DELIVERS THE REVERSE DDT!!!
Christian takes over now, and gets out some aggression of his own, wearing Tomko out with the steel chair, welting the back of his former best friend, before setting up the table, putting Tomko on it, and climbing the ropes … flying off with the FROG SPLASH … THROUGH THE TABLE!!! Christian has it won, but decides better of it, and drags Tomko up, looking to finish proceedings with an exclamation point … AND DELIVERS THE UNPRETTIER!!! He makes the cover, 1...2...3!!!
Winner: Christian @ 07:38
Christian wins, and puts an exclamation point on the rivalry, finishing Tomko off, once and for all. The champion has his arm raised, and holds the title aloft, celebrating, ahead of his title defence next week, against either Shelton Benjamin or Rey Mysterio.
I’ll give the guy credit, Coach. Tyson Tomko gave it his all tonight. The Problem Solver was game tonight, but it just wasn’t enough to compete with the World Heavyweight Champion.
Tomkos life continues to get worse … and it’s all Christians fault. Abandoned by the McMahon Family Empire … what’s next for the Problem Solver??
Well, speaking of the McMahon Family Empire … eight days ago, the empire crumbled for Vince McMahon, and tonight - in fact, NEXT, we are expecting The Chairman of the Board to make his LAST EVER appearance on WWE television. We have been awaiting his arrival all night-
Suddenly, we cut to the parking lot, as a stretch limo has just pulled up. The driver exit’s the vehicle, and makes his way to the back, and opens the passenger door … WITH MISTER MCMAHON STEPPING OUT!!!
The fans give ‘The Boss’ plenty of abuse, as he strolls toward the entrance, with an all business face, ahead of his farewell address.
Oh Vince, what are you doing?? TURN AROUND!!!
Folks, you are set to witness history. When we come back, Mister Vincent Kennedy McMahon makes his final appearance on WWE television … his farewell address … DO NOT CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!! We’ll be right back!!
We return, and see a graphic for Raw Roulette - NEXT WEEK!!!
Indeed, next week, Raw Roulette is back for the first time in two years, and it will be headlined by two Pay Per View worthy matches - the first of which is a Backlash rematch; John Cena meets Kurt Angle. Then, Christian defends the World Heavyweight Championship, against the winner of tomorrow nights match between Shelton Benjamin and Rey Mysterio on Superstars. It will be Champion vs. Champion for the richest prize in our sport, next week - RAW ROULETTE!!!
Oh boy, I cannot wait for that, old timer. Kurt Angle is gonna snap Cenas ankle in half, and Shelton Benjamin will be leavin with double gold!!! You heard it here first!!
Oh, we got ourselves a modern day Nostradamus here. How can- … huh??
J.R goes quiet on commentary, as does Coach, with both men looking surprised, as they seemingly listen to what’s coming through on their headsets.
I’m not sure if I can believe this … but, uh, folks … we have just been told through our headsets that Triple H will be appearing LIVE on Raw, NEXT WEEK to reveal his future.
Coach, I wasn’t even aware that The Game had been released from hospital.
Neither was I, J.R. Those are highly interesting developments.
Especially after the comments from his wife, last week on Raw, when Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley indicated that her husband may have to consider retirement. Folks, we will find out what the future holds for Triple H, live on Raw next week. What a night it’s gonna be Coach.
You’re telling me. That’s what you call a stacked deck. Raw Roulette baby boy, I love it!!!
The music of none other than Mister McMahon himself fills the arena, as The Chairman of the Board steps onto the stage, still looking as empowered as ever, despite this being his swansong this evening. He takes a stand at the top of the ramp, and defiantly looks around the arena, before proceeding to ‘power walk’ down the aisle. As he marches himself down the aisle though …
Vince suddenly halts, as the cringe worthy ‘Stand Back’ from the 1987 Slammy Awards takes over from his regular entrance music. The Boss, with a scowl on his face, looks around, and the titan tron shows the highly embarrassing video, of a younger Vince McMahon moving and singing badly on stage, whilst Hulk Hogan plays guitar in the background, whilst other stars of the era provide backing instruments to the performance.
McMahon yells out “This isn’t funny”, but turns, and continues down the aisle, quickly getting up the steps and into the ring, (which is dressed up for the occasion, with the red carpet lining the canvas) making a beeline for a microphone.
That’s enough of that. Shut it off. Come on. Very funny, ha ha, now shut it off!!
The music does die down, as Vince prepares himself for his final promo.
I’m assuming a lot of you people are wondering why I would accept the invitation to address the public for one final time this evening. I mean, after all, by coming here tonight, I’m simply giving a lot of people the chance to have a hearty chuckle at my expense.
McMahon looks around, and points out to J.R, walking toward the ropes.
Let’s take J.R, for an example. I mean, I’ve humiliated J.R more times than I care to remember. I’ve fired his fat Oklahoman ass on more than one occasion … I’ve set him up and pushed him into harms way many times … hell, he’s even been a member of the Kiss My Ass club. So you must be loving this, J.R.
On commentary, J.R nods.
As I thought. And, backstage, you don’t think Eric Bischoff is wallowing in this moment?? You don’t think that Eric Bischoff is recording this very moment on TIVO?? Of course he is. So why did I come here tonight??
Vince looks around at the fans inquisitively.
Because quite simply … I have something very important to say … a message that needs delivered … not just to you people, but every single employee in World Wrestling Entertainment. And I strongly advise that they all listen up.
Vince sets himself in the middle of the ring, and makes sure he has the camera in on a close up, before speaking again.
Just because you cant see me on television anymore … it doesn’t mean I still cant make your life a living hell.
I’m still the Chairman of the Board, dammit … I’m still the head of this global conglomerate … and by Gawd, for banishing me from television … THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!!!
Heat from the fans.
And just because I’m ‘banished’ from television … don’t think I’m searching for a loophole. I’ve got the best lawyers that money can buy, and they are working around the clock to find a loophole, and determine the contract of that ‘All or Nothing Match’ null and void.
More boos from the fans.
But in the meantime …
Vince is cut off, as a chant from the fans - yep, ‘NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA … HEY, HEY, HEY … GOODBYE’ fills the arena. Vince gets agitated, and roars through the Save Mart Arena.
Heat. Vince composes himself, and talks over the fans, picking back up on his last point.
In the meantime … enjoy it while it lasts. Because I have a feeling that soon enough, all you people that are jumping for joy at my demise … will soon be BEGGING ME!!! … to come back.
More heat from the fans, with some still singing the song. Vince though, is in his element, as he struts around the ring, holding court.
Without me to keep order on Raw … without me to keep Eric Bischoff, and Arn Anderson on a leash … … frankly, I fear for the future of my company.
Vince stops parading, and stands in the middle of the ring, putting a hand in his pocket.
And like I said … one day, the joy that the board, all you people, and all the WWE superstars are feeling right now, … it’ll be gone. And you’ll all rue the day that John Cena … with the assistance of my meddling wife, the current General Manager of Raw and of course, Brock Lesnar.
Vince rolls his eyes, as the fans cheer raucously.
You will all rue the day, that they conspired to screw me over. And that, I can guarantee you. So with that … when the day comes, don’t any of you dare tell me that you weren’t warned. Good even-
**MY TIME IS NOW**
It’s a nearly unanimous ovation for Cena, as the Doctor of Thuganomics makes his way onto the stage, much to the chagrin of Mister McMahon. Cena, with an annoying grin on his face, salutes the fans, and makes his way down the aisle, still smiling, and jogs to the ring, rolling inside, and saluting the fans once more.
Vince stands, statuesque, and watches as Cena moves around, then motions for a mic.
Wait just a second. Hold on there, pal.
The music cuts, as Cena is brought to a standstill by an irate Vince McMahon.
Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?? Huh?? This is MY time.
Cena smirks, and removes his hat to rub his head, putting it back on, before taking a mic from Lillian.
Oh, Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie. You didn’t think I’d just let ya leave without a proper send off, did ya?? After all we’ve been through?? Naw, you trippin if you think all you’re gettin is a red carpet goodbye.
Vince looks far from impressed.
All you gotta do, is just relax. No need for you to get worked up, I got everything under control. In fact, think of me as … the master of ceremonies. And man, the stars have been linin up to send you a farewell message. In fact … some people even came here to wish you goodbye, in person!!
McMahon mouths ‘This better not be a set up’.
But first, we got you a very special video message. Roll the tape, guys.
Attention turns to the titan tron…
AS THE ROCK APPEARS!!!
The fans go wild, as The Great One is seen, sitting back on a directors chair, seemingly on set somewhere. The Rock smiles, as if he knew he’d get an overwhelming reaction to this pre-recorded vignette.
The Rock pauses, allowing for another cheer.
… THE ROCK HAS COME BACK … TO THE MILLIONS!!!
… AND MILLIONS OF THE ROCKS FANS ON MONDAY … NIGHT … RAWWWWW!!!
Another pop from the fans. The Rock leans back, laughing, before he speaks again.
And FINALLY … Vince McMahon has had his Candy Ass kicked off television.
The Rock laughs again, whilst Vinces face screws up in fury.
Vince, what can The Rock say?? He sure as hell cant say it was fun knowing ya, because then, The Rock would be lying through his teeth.
Some fans chuckle, as The Rock puts his hand up, as if to indicate his innocence.
But Vince, don’t worry. Because The Rock didn’t make this video to have a laugh at your expense … well … not just
to have a laugh at your expense.
The Rock pauses, allowing for another cheer.
No, no, no. Honestly Vince, The Rock is gonna miss watching you, every Monday Night on Raw. Damn right, The Rock is gonna miss seeing you get your monkey ass WHOOPED every week on Raw.
Pop. Vince is mouthing to ‘Get him off’, but The Rock remains on the screen.
But personally, for The Rock, it’s a shame he couldn’t be there tonight. Because Vince, The Rock would’ve loved to have given you a send off in person … the kind of send off you deserve … the kind of send off that would include The Rock taking his size thirteen boot … SHINING IT UP, REAL NICE … turning that sumbitch sideways … AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS … one … last … time.
Another pop from the fans for the catchphrase.
But Vince, before you go … before you head off into the sunset for the last time … there is no way - AND THE ROCK MEANS … NO … WAY … that he could let you leave … without singing you a little song.
The Rock produces a guitar, much to the joy of the fans. The Peoples Champion warms himself up, strumming the wires, then clears his throat, as Vince continues to fume in the ring.
Alright, here we go…
The Rock clears his throat, and begins to play the guitar, and sings to the tune of ‘Hey Jude’…
Hey Vince … don’t be so mad …With you gone now … Raw will be better …
Remember to never ever come back … then you can start to make it better.
The fans cheer, whilst Vince continues to mouth obscenities in the ring. The Rock laughs at himself, then waves, as if he has another one.
Hold on, hold on. While we’re singing The Beatles … how about this one.
The Rock pauses, then starts to play the guitar to ‘Yesterday’
Yesterday … all your troubles seemed so far away … now it looks as though you’re stuck at home to stay … because you’re banned … from Raw today.
Suddenly … The audience can turn on the TV … you’re no longer there for them to see … The People rejoiced, suddenly.
Why you, have to go … you plead to know … and The Rock will say … IT DOESN’T MATTER WHY YOU HAVE TO GO!!!
The Rock cuts the song, with his trademark line (amongst the other two dozen trademark lines)
Simply put … Vince McMahon … KNOW YOUR ROLE … SHUT YOUR MOUTH … CHECK INTO THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL … AND ENJOY … retirement.
The Rock smirks, whilst Vince looks ready to blow a gasket.
IF YA SMELLLLLL … WHAT THE ROCK
Isssssss … COOKIN!!
**THE ROCK SAYS**
The familiar music of The Rock plays, as The Great One fades from the screen, and the music quickly dies, with Cena smiling.
That was something, huh??
Vince glares a hole through Cena, and responds.
You think this is funny?? I didn’t come here to be insulted. I came here to leave all you people - and you Cena - with a clear warning. I didn’t come for … for, for whatever that
was. I didn’t come to Raw tonight to be insulted.
Cena puts his arm around Vince, with McMahon shrugging him off.
Hey, I didn’t know what the guy was gonna say. But look, there’s more to come. And Vinnie, we all know you love women.
Vince raises his eyebrows, with his interest momentarily peaking.
The familiar music of The Rock plays, as The Great One fades from the screen, and the music quickly dies, with Cena smiling.
Thought that might cheer ya up. I’ve arranged for a private peep show … for your eyes only, boss. Bring her out!!!
A collective groan develops around the arena … as MAE YOUNG enters the stage to seedy music, wearing nothing but an evening gown. Urgh.
NO WAY!!! MAE YOUNG, TURN AROUND … AND WALK AWAY … AND KEEP WALKING!!!
Mae stops, looking dejected … but thankfully turns, and leaves the stage.
If you think I’m gonna stand around for this freakshow Cena, you’ve got another thing coming.
McMahon chucks the mic down, and exit’s the ring hastily, looking to march up the aisle…
McMahon stops dead, as ERIC BISCHOFF steps onto the stage, with a shit eating grin on his face, looking as smug as he possibly could. Vince seems caught in two minds as to whether he should go for Bischoff, or stay where he is on the ramp.
Vince, you’ve got it all wrong. I didn’t invite you to Monday Night Raw tonight to insult you. NO. I invited you to Monday Night Raw … to humiliate you.
Eric smirks … as through the curtain comes (amongst other random employees) STRAIGHT EDGE, WILLIAM REGAL … AND … TRISH STRATUS!!!
The former Womens champion enters to a big ovation … and she carries a cake onto the stage, as Vince begins to do the math … and gulps as he comes to the realisation of what may be coming.
As Vince back pedals, on commentary, Coach goes ballistic, yelling out “THIS IS JUST BULLYING”, whilst J.R is loving it, responding with “YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW”.
Vince gets back inside the ring, trying to smile his way out of trouble, as the group of superstars he’s crossed at various points home in on him, reaching the ringside area. Bischoff stays on the stage, happy to watch from afar, with Vince now trapped in the ring … and surrounded.
Trish is helped into the ring with the cake, and approaches Vince, with Cena now speaking again.
Come on, Vinnie … Trish here flew all the way from Toronto to see ya tonight … the least you can do is give the woman a hug.
Vince snarls at Cena, hating the fact that his employees are getting so much enjoyment out of his predicament.
After all … the two of you go WAAYYYYY back … you remember, right Trish??
Knowingly, Trish nods.
And you brought the man a leaving cake too. At least say thank you, Vince.
Vince remains unmoved, but tentative, whilst Cena appears to be loving it.
Awww … to hell with that, Trish, give the man his cake…
Trish stops, as Vince begs off, hoping for a reprieve.
Oh, Vinnie. You don’t want to taste this cake?? Watching your figure, huh??
Vince looks tempting to swing at Cena, getting fed up of his constant jabs.
Okay … Trish?? Is there ANYTHING that Vinnie here can do to prevent having his cake, and eating it??
Trish ponders, as Cena leans in with the mic.
Uhm, well … I guess he could get on all fours … and BARK LIKE A DOG!!!
A cheer slowly rises, as Trish recalls the sickening stunt Vince pulled on her, back in the day. Vince closes his eyes, desperately trying to get out of the nightmare.
I’m sure we can discuss this. I mean, come on Trish. Let the past-
You heard the lady, Vinnie. Get on your knees … or eat the cake.
Again, Vince snarls at Cena, and looks around, as the other superstars stand on the apron, giving Vince more to think about.
Then … McMahon steps forward, taking off his jacket … then slowly gets to his knees, before hunching on all fours!!! The fans are loving it, as Cena, Trish etc all have a good laugh, with J.R cheering the actions on in the ring.
I don’t hear any barking.
Trish pulls a confused face, looking to the fans, with some starting up a ‘BARK’ chant.
Come on Vince, BARK!!!
Cena then hunches down, looking for Vince to bark, but The Boss has had enough of the humiliation. He quickly gets up, and grabs the mic from Cena.
I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS CRAP!!! Nobody humiliates me … especially not tonight. Barking like a damn dog. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!
Cena takes the mic back, and calmly replies.
That didn’t sound like a dog. Trish??
Cena smirks, and Vince turns around … AS TRISH PLANTS THE CAKE IN VINCES FACE!!!
The fans go nuts, as McMahon stands perfectly still, with the cake all over his face, and dripping onto his shirt, whilst Trish is doubled over with laughter.
Vince slowly raises his arms, and clears the cake off his face, ready to explode looking at the hysterical Trish Stratus … then chases after her!!! Trish escapes through the middle rope, with the cake covered McMahon coming after her around ringside … UNTIL VINCE IS STOPPED WITH A RIGHT HAND FROM WILLIAM REGAL!!!
Vince falls to the floor instantly from the shot, and stumbles to get back up, selling the effects of the shot, with Regal grabbing The Boss, rolling him back into the ring … and then …
Uh oh. It can only mean one guy … STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!!!
And indeed, in the pick up truck, COMES THE TEXAS RATTLESNAKE!!!
The arena is rocking, as the greatest nemesis of Vince McMahon drives down the ramp, and exit’s the vehicle to a stunning reaction. On his knees in the ring, Vince looks to the heavens, as if to ask for help.
Austin doesn’t waste time to go to each turnbuckle, instead, he simply enters the ring, looking confused at the state of Vince. The Texas Rattlesnake shakes his head, almost out of pity, as Vince stumbles to his feet.
The two come face to face as the music dies down … with Austin simply looking Vince up and down … then starts to laugh, putting his hand on Vinces shoulder, trying to get Vince to join in with the laughter … with Vince slowing smiling, almost being forced to laugh with his greatest adversary … with Austin goading him on to laugh. Just as Vince starts to get into it … Austin stops dead with the laughter … THEN DELIVERS A STUNNER!!!
The Save Mart Centre is on it’s feet, as Austin jumps up, instantly calling for beers, and each one he is thrown, he passes to all the guys and Trish on the apron, along with Cena in the ring, toasting them all, before gulping the beer in record time.
Austin then calls for more beers, taking two for himself, then asking Cena to pick Vince up, which Cena does.
He drags McMahon up, with Austin giving his former boss a playful slap … then pours the beer over him!!!
Vince is now soaked in beer, and still covered in cake!!! The beer brings him around, as Austin, now holding a mic, gets in his face.
LOOK AT YA!!! Ya got your shirt all wet, your silly little crew cut got all messed up, and ya got covered in cake. YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!
Vince stutters over the mic, but Austin pulls it away.
Don’t you even say a word, ya meely mouth son of a bitch. Stone Cold Steve Austin came to Fresno (Cheap pop)
to toast your life ban from television, and son, you better believe Stone Cold Steve Austin didn’t come to the party to be sober.
Austin downs his beer … AND STUNS VINCE AGAIN!!! The fans go crazy, as Vince rolls around like an idiot, as Austin gets the mic again.
JIM ROSS, GET YOUR ASS INTO THIS RING!!!
Big pop for J.R, with the voice of Raw getting in on the act, whilst Coach is in disbelief, watching his broadcast partner getting up and leaving “I THOUGHT YOU WERE A PROFESSIONAL!!!”
J.R now steps into the ring, with Austin giving his good friend a handshake, before getting on the mic again.
Now Jim … this man has made your life a living hell, am I right??
J.R simply nods.
J.R nods again, mouthing ‘Yes’ to Austin.
J.R, would you like to give Vince McMahon a taste of his own medicine??
Again, J.R nods.
Once more, Jim nods enthusiastically.
Okay, this is how it’s gonna go down … IF YA WANT GOOD ‘OL J.R TO STOMP A MUDHOLE AND WALK IT DRY ON VINCE MCMAHON … GIMME A HELL YEAH!!!
Austin smirks, and gives the mic to J.R.
OH HELL YEAHHHHH!!!
Massive pop for the ever popular commentator, who looks terribly excited to get himself some revenge. Austin meanwhile, has an idea.
How about we get Vince McMahon to kiss your ass this time, J.R??
Off the mic, J.R says ‘HELL YEAH’ excitedly. Punk and Helms now enter the ring, and do their bit, holding the lifeless Vince up, as J.R unbuckles his belt to give us the ungodly view of
the moon his ass.
Time to pucker up Vince.
Punk and Helms SHOVE VINCES FACE INTO JIM ROSS’ ASS!!!
The fans are loving it, with Vince being completely humiliated tonight!!! J.R pulls his pants back up, then turns to Vince, and gives his boss the bird!!! Vince is simply defenceless, and crumbles onto the canvas, as Austin walks around the ring, holding court.
VINCE MCMAHON … PAYBACK IS A BITCH … AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE … CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!!!
Austin then leaves the ring, having done his bit, but calls for more beers, with two missing, before catching the third. As this happens, the superstars at ringside also begin to leave, with everyone getting a good look at McMahon before leaving, with Vince being completely degraded in every way this evening.
On the stage, Bischoff looks extremely pleased, with Vinces last appearance on television turning into the ultimate freak show. Austin leaves the arena in his truck, and the other superstars also exit, as John Cena begins to leave the ring, with the show seemingly coming to an end, but …
J- John Cena.
Cena slowly stops, and turns around, as Vince McMahon, on his knees, soaked in beer, and still with cake on his shirt, breathes heavily over the mic.
You th- y- you think you’ve got it all, right?? You- you must think it doesn’t get any better, huh?? I mean … listen to these people … huh??
Cena inquisitively looks at Vince, and climbs back in the ring, trying to make sense of what McMahon is saying.
Yeah, you listen. Right- Right now?? Right now, they’re on your side, right??
Cena doesn’t respond, but his smile is no longer there to see. Instead, he intently listens to Vince, who has a smile of his own now - a wicked, knowing smile.
But- … how long is that gonna last, huh?? How long … before they have enough?? Right now, it couldn’t be better … but what happens after tonight?? The only reason these people are on your side John … is because it’s me standing across from you.
Cena looks around … thinking.
These people, John … they don’t care about you. John … sooner or later - and I’d bet sooner
- these people are gonna chew you up … and without a moments thought, they’ll spit you out … and move onto the next guy. Just like Hogan … just like The Rock … they’ll tire of your act. They’ll see through it … and kid, they wont hesitate to let you know when you’ve outstayed your welcome.
Cena shakes his head, not agreeing. Vince though, keeps going, taking no notice of Cenas reaction.
And John, I want you to remember this moment. I want this moment to play over and over and over … in your head … the moment that Vince McMahon foreshadowed your future.
Vince pulls himself up, now face to face with Cena.
Dammit, you’ve noticed it already. That Chain Gang of yours?? Those soldiers that make you ever so proud?? They’re deserting you. John, think of yourself like a sinking ship … and these people are the rats jumping off.
Heat now from the fans, not liking the last analogy.
Think about it. Did they side with you at WrestleMania??
Cena looks around, and puts his head down, whilst Vince shows his evil grin again.
You bought yourself some time by fighting the good fight at Backlash, Cena … but your shelf life?? It’s on borrowed time … HELL … IT’S ON LIFE SUPPORT!!!
Heat. Cena looks up, locking his jaw, ready to explode.
After everything you’ve done. All those sacrifices you’ve made … the pain you’ve fought through to please them … FOR NOTHING!!!
Vince snarls at Cena, with Cena almost shaking with rage, ready to boil over.
Enjoy this night Cena. Enjoy this night, because it’ll be downhill from now. And when these people turn their backs and desert you … I promise you … I guarantee you … you’ll rue the day that you banished Vincent Kennedy McMahon from television.
Cena shakes his head, telling Vince he’s wrong.
Oh, you will John. You're doing all of this - this charade - to please them ... but John ... they dont care about you. And I’m the guy that saw it coming first … I could’ve guided you past it John … I could’ve helped you forget these people … but you ruined it John.
Vince, looking haggard, stares into the eyes of Cena.
And when that day comes - and it will
- you’ll rue this
day. Forget all that crap about regretting less ... the day WILL come ... when you regret banishing me. So, John, you’ve just got to ask yourself … Was it worth it?? Was it worth all the pain, the effort and all the sacrifices you've put yourself through to please them?? Was it worth banishing the one man you could've turned to in your hour of need?? Was it worth it, John??
McMahon pulls the mic down, and stares at Cena, looking for a response. Cena takes the mic, and looks to the fans … then at Vince.
CENA SCOOPS VINCE UP … AND DELIVERS AN FU!!!
The fans cheer for the final act on Vince, with Cena standing over the battered Chairman, mic in hand …
DAMN RIGHT IT WAS WORTH IT!!!
**MY TIME IS NOW**
John Cena salutes the fans, with Vince laid out, spread eagled in the middle of the ring, as the final image of The Chairman is broadcast … as we fade to black.
END OF SHOW