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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-01-2013, 10:57 PM Thread Starter
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Parents Divorce Advice

Hey, everyone. In case you don't know me, I'm a teenager in high school so obviously I still live with my parents, and I they talked to me today about my mom moving out for a bit to gather have some time and the possibility of a divorce if they can't work things out. Usually, I don't like spilling my personal life on a forum, but all of my close friends had parents that divorced when they were young or their parents are together. So I can't really go to them for any actual advice and I'm kind of embarrassed to go to other friends about it as of now.

Anyway, my parents have always been the parents who are liked by my friends and love to joke with me and such so this news is really hard to handle even though they have been arguing for months now and not really communicating. I will most likely live with my dad if a divorce does happen since my parents want me to stay at his house and my mom can't afford it while my dad can. I'm about to scream if I have to live with my dad. He is fun and a good parent, but is lost with cooking, cleaning, or other household stuff.

But yea I just kind of need something besides my friends just telling me everything will be ok since that doesn't really help. And I figured some people here might have went through a similar situation. So yea this is kind of out of character for me, and the OP probably seems like me just talking with no structure, but whatever.

I understand if this is moved into rants or something btw.

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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-01-2013, 11:43 PM
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Re: Parents Divorce Advice

Get a hobby. And I mean that in the least "dick-ish" manner possible. My parents aren't divorced, but a couple years ago, my friends parents got divorced and he was in Grade 11 at the time, so around the same age you probably are. He didn't understand anything, because first off, his parents were always great together and seemed to never have any troubles with each other, so there was that first sensation of "Why did this happen? Did I do it? Was I the reason my parents got divorced?". It was hard for him to get through, but he told me that he found major stress relief in putting on some headphones and lifting weights and working out. He found a hobby, and got over it that way, and still does it to this day. Whenever he has a tough time with anything, he goes and works out. I'm not saying you should go hit the gym, but I am saying that finding a hobby that relieves you of your tension would be nice. If you already have one, great. Focus on it. If you don't, then get out there and try different things that you might like and you'll eventually find it. According to him, it really helped.

Also, maybe it's all the Intervention I'm watching recently, but don't go out there and do stupid shit like Drugs because your depressed. It seems like alot of drug and alcohol abuse starts with something that affects you mentally, like your parents divorce, but stray off it. This is elementary school shit I know, but stay away from all that crap. You're better then that.

Hope everything works out man. Divorce is tough, but you'll get through it.

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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-01-2013, 11:46 PM
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Re: Parents Divorce Advice

Unless it's for a good reason like Mom developed a serious drug problem and in order to feed her addiction she was considering pimping you out, then they shouldn't even get divorced. My best advice, coming from divorced parents, tell them to suck it the fuck up and make each other happy, life isn't going to be rainbows and butterflies for eternity. Ask them if they have forgotten "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part". All in all, being in the middle of a divorce sucks.

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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-01-2013, 11:54 PM
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Re: Parents Divorce Advice

My parents divorced when I was a teen. I ended up staying with my mother. There wasn't a choice for me in the matter, and my father didn't even give the slightest hint of wanting me to live with him. The best thing to do is keep yourself busy. Go to school or work.The social links in those two areas take up most of the day.

When you come home, its all about doing something which you enjoy. Video games, television, movies,and upbeat music all provide great escapes. Though I'd be careful with music, most songs are about relationships, and could cause sad emotions. Luckily my partner was my escape, providing support by talking with me about random stuff on the phone for hours.

The hardest part of any break up wont be the actual break up, it'll be getting used to your new routine. These days, I'm perfectly fine having a father who I see every few months. I've got friends, school and my partner to keep me busy and happy.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-02-2013, 12:44 AM
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Re: Parents Divorce Advice

My parents divorced when I was 13, which was a long time ago, BECAUSE I AM A DINOSAUR LOLOLLOL

Anyway, I chose to live with my dad because my mom and I did not get along at all. We are great friends now, but, you know, most girls ain't friends with their moms around that age, lulz.

My dad knew how to cook beans, steak and hot dogs.

That's about it.

I mean, his steaks are awesome as hell, but, yeah, that list about covers what he could cook.

I learned to cook for myself at a younger age so I wasn't too worried about it.

It's the tired old 'you'll be fine' line but you will be. No one should stay together if they are unhappy so you just have to get used to only having one parent around all the time instead of both. It can be hard at first because you obviously love both of your parents and would probably prefer if they stayed together, but, alas, if it doesn't work out, just be sure to know both your mom and dad still love you and you can always visit your mom whenever you want so it isn't like she will be a zillion miles away.

My mom lives back home in Buffalo with my younger brother so I don't get the luxury of seeing them all the time. Be happy you probably wont have that issue. It sucks balls and I miss them both, especially my brother. I talk to him on the phone and on my PS3 quite a bit, but, man, that's my little brother, I miss that shithead and hanging out. My dad lives 10 minutes away from me so I see him a lot. My older brother lives about 30 minutes from me.

Good luck.

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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-02-2013, 12:57 AM
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Re: Parents Divorce Advice

My parents split when I was 4 years old and I just got to go visit my dad on the weekends as a kid until I was about 12 and I moved out of state with my mom and my stepdad. i've only seen my dad about 20 times since then and we don't really talk that much because we're both essentially the same person personality wise and we just never call each other which is unfortunate (my father side of the family is all like that. My step sister actually brought up the fact she never talks to my other brothers and thinks its really weird but its just the way we all operate on our side of the family.

You're kinda lucky you're at least high school age when this is happening and can draw back on memories of several years of being an actual family, and yeah it sucks but its better than basically never seeing a parent for half your life. Living with a parent who can't cook or not clean isn't the end of the world, especially since you should be at the age of learning to take care of yourself. Good luck regardless.

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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-02-2013, 01:05 AM
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Re: Parents Divorce Advice

Getting a hobby would seriously be your best bet. When my parents first split, it was strange at first. But as time moves on you'll get used to it and fine. Since your saying that your dad is lost with cleaning, cooking, etc. Learning how to do these things and helping him out will probably need to happen. Especially if the divorce actually happens and you decide to stay with him. Back to the hobby thing. Find something that really interests you and keep your mind occupied on that and schooling. While you are gonna be upset about the divorce, don't let it rule your mindset. Since you'll be living with one. Keeping in touch with the other as much as possible isn't a bad thing though. Visit when you can, stay a weekend or so.

Myself and others included, it's very tough at first. But you'll adjust to it. Good luck.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-02-2013, 01:31 AM
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Re: Parents Divorce Advice

My parents divorced and it's for the best.

They're the happiest they've ever been and I'm the happiest I've been since I never have to deal with them anymore.

If it does happen it will be for the best mate.

Good luck.

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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-02-2013, 01:33 AM
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Re: Parents Divorce Advice

At least your parents had the decency to get a divorce.

My dad said he was going to the store to get me some ice cream.... that was 1994 and he never came back. I'm still waiting for my god damn iced cream sandwich.
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-02-2013, 10:00 AM
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Re: Parents Divorce Advice

My parents divorced when I was younger, I still see both, and the 'steps', brothers, mums, dads and stuff, you can make what you want to work, work. You're still going to see both of them, you actually come across and seem pretty cool about it, if you want to you'll get yourself used to a different way of doing things and routine, if they're doing what they want, you can too.

Divorce or not, you can do what you want and help them if you feel either of them need it.
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