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post #21 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-08-2012, 12:35 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread

How did the hamster die?

Fell asleep at the wheel.
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post #22 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-08-2012, 01:14 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread

1. What is a alligator in a vest called?

A Investigator.

2. What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

3.You know how sex with three people is called a threesome & with two people a twosome?

Well why do you think they call you handsome!

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post #23 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-08-2012, 02:12 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by RKO920 View Post

3.You know how sex with three people is called a threesome & with two people a twosome?

Well why do you think they call you handsome!


10/10

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post #24 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-08-2012, 03:48 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread

Gets me everytime


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post #25 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-08-2012, 05:44 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread

9/10

Guy goes into a restaurant. He orders a bowl of soup for lunch. The waiter brings it out to him and he starts chowing when he drops his spoon. The waiter comes back over, and gives him a new one, right out of his apron.

"How did you know I needed a new spoon?" the lunch patron said.

The waiter replies, "We just had an inspection done by corporate. One thing they noticed is making sure we do whatever we can to save time on serving customers. In this case, I save time by not having to run back to the kitchen for a new spoon by having silverware here."

Throughout lunch, the customer keeps noticing everyone running around with strings hanging off their pants. Finally, as he's about ready to leave, he asks the waiter about the string, which is hanging off his zipper.

"Well, one of the things found in our inspection is that we waste too much time washing our hands. Too much time wasted, so whenever I have to do a number one, I pull down the string. Mr. Happy comes out, I do my biz, and I don't have to worry about washing my hands."

The customer seems impressed, then he asked, "I get that, but how do you get it back in?"

The waiter said, "I don't know about others, but I just use a spoon."

Thank you, I'll be here all week. Tip your waitress, but I wouldn't order the veal."



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post #26 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-08-2012, 09:44 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread

The past, the present and the future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

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post #27 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-09-2012, 04:04 AM
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Re: The Joke Thread

man I love anti-jokes.

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.

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post #28 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-09-2012, 02:49 PM
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Re: The Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Y2-Jerk View Post
Gets me everytime

While 2 kids were doing an oral exam in spanish class once my teacher saw me and my friends laughing (my friend told me some sex joke I think) and my teacher asked what was so funny. My response: "you know that thing in Spngebob with the 24 and the 25?" Yeah, detention.

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post #29 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-11-2012, 12:21 AM
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Re: The Joke Thread

You want to know how you're getting old? You wake up and everything's stiff, except for the right thing.

Ba-dum-tiss.

Good bar joke for an older crowd.

Last edited by Glass Shatters; 09-11-2012 at 12:23 AM.
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post #30 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-11-2012, 12:42 AM
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Re: The Joke Thread

How do you keep a baby from crawling in a circle?

You nail the other hand down.

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