WWF October 13th
October 6th 2008
Cheap $1 fireworks goes off as it's time for WWF. The normal pyro was temporarily cut from the budget, due to the financial crisis. Some look on it disgust, while other miserable crowd members are just happy that they're seeing 'fireworks' for once in their life.
Roman King: Welcome everybody to a new addition of WWF! After exactly a year's absence we are back! It's the King here along with my temporary guest commentator, Headliner? WTF you're a news reporter. What happened to Slick?
Headliner: The wife.
Roman King: Ouch. Luckily I won't be getting married.
Headliner: Yea because of you married a 9/10, then saw a 10/10 walking down the street you'd be awfully pissed.
Backstage we see the new womens champion Aussie in her lockeroom brushing her hair.
Wrestling B!tch (Forum B!tch): Did you think I would just go away?
Wrestling B!tch: That was suppose to be MY title shot at the PPV until you took me out, took my title shot, and won the title.
Aussie: Oh You brought it on yourself though.
Wrestling B!tch: I want my title shot. And there's nothing you can do about it.
Aussie: Did you pass the test?
Wrestling B!tch: What test?
Aussie: The test to prove that you're physically woman enough to compete in the womens division.
Wrestling B!tch: Fuck you. Good luck in your title rematch against BIE. You're going to need it.
Aussie walks off and heads to the ring for her title rematch against BIE. She looks to the right to see ADR and will94 with video recorders in hand for the match as they normally do for female matches. BIE music hits, but she doesn't show. The music hits again, and she still doesn't show. The referee rules Aussie the winner via
Headliner: Terrible. I should rip up her contract.
Roman King: You're a news reporter??? You don't have any influence over the show??
Will94 gets up and goes on a rampage. For absolutely no reason, he drags a fan out of the front row and proceed to beat the hell out of this kid.
Roman King: What did that kid do to deserve that?
Headliner: He sat in that particular seat.
ADR LaVey tries to calm Will down, but Will turns around and knocks ADR out with one hit! He walks off without saying a word.
Roman King: What has gotten into Will?
Headliner: Note to Will's future wife: Make Breakfast for Will every morning, or else the consequences can reach terrible heights.
Aussie stands in the ring confused at the big mess. As she attempts to leave, she's violently attacked by Wrestling B!tch.
Wrestling B!tch: MAYBE THIS WILL GET YOUR ATTENTION.
Wrestling B!tch continues the assault on Aussie. She gets her up, and lands a devastating powerbomb to Aussie.
Roman King: Complete Chaos has erupted on WWF!
Headliner: Jesus Christ King, put your fucking pants back on.
Backstage we see HBK91 plotting. He seems to be brain dead, until he stumbles on a brilliant idea.
HBK91: That's it!
HBK91 gathers all the Stone Cold Steve Austin compilation DVD's he can find and sets a trail of the DVD's from Austin101's locker room, to HBK91's locker room. Austin101 immediately comes out the locker room like a dog that just smelled a steak.
Austin101: CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY. THANK YOU GOD!
Austin101 follows every DVD, and collects them all until he reaches HBK91's lockeroom. As soon as Austin finishes picking up the last DVD, HBK91 opens his locker room door, slaps the living taste out of Austin101 and closes the door.
Austin101: FUCK. FUCK.
The camera shifts back to the ring as a new face is set to interview. The word around the locker room is that she was only hired to do nudes, but we'll put her to good use for now.
Mocha: Ladies and Gentlemen, my guest at this time. The new WWF Champion, Role Model!
Role Model: Hi.
Mocha: How does it feel to be champion?
Role Model: Good.
Mocha: What are your plans as champion?
Role Model: Idk.
Mocha: Anybody challengers you have in mind?
Role Model: Idc.
Mocha: Where's your partner, NCIH?
Role Model: Idk.
Mocha: You're not making this easy.
Role Model: Not showing enough cleavage for my interest.
Mocha: Ugh! Anyway, you actually shot a guy to get a shot at the title! How can you do something like that?
Role Model: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Mocha: But the man has a family?
Role Model: They'll understand. If the father is a real man, he'll understand.
Role Model turns his head to see -Mystery- and -Blasko- purposely interrupt the interview. They forgot what they were going to say, so they decide to talk about random indy wrestling.
Role Model: Excuse me?
-Mystery- and -Blasko- ignores Role Model and continue to disrupt the interview.
Role Model: Interview over.
Role Model silently goes under the ring and grabs a sledge hammer. He hits Blasko in the face with the hammer to instant cries from Mystery. Mystery runs away in fear.
Headliner: RK guess what?
Roman King: ...............................
Roman King is in a trance after staring at Mocha too long. A picture of a manish looking woman is shown to RK as he quickly regains focus.
Headliner: Fail was suppose to be the guest commentator.
Roman King: What happened to him?
Headliner: He saw you sitting at the Spanish announce table earlier with Main-Event, so he thought that's were the main table was. Shame, since he was finally suppose to get some real air time.
The cameras turn toward Fail and Main-Event commentating.
Main-Event: ¡Hasta ahora la exposición ha estado yendo gran!
Fail: Wait, huh? Spanish?
Main-Event: ¿No sabe usted español?
Main-Event: Yo nunca he encontrado alguien tan estúpido en mi vida, ah mi Dios.
Fail: This seriously can't be happening...to...me.....again.
Backstage we see Capital X roaming back and forth until he gets enough balls to burst in the chairman's office.
Capital X: I DEMAND A WORLD TITLE SHOT.
Rajah: Excuse me? Don't you see I'm busy?
Capital X: So! I've been here since the beginning damn it.
Rajah: And exactly what did you do during that time?
Capital X: ......................
Capital X: I'm main-event material now. I'm not leaving your office until I get a title shot.
Capital X: YES!
Rajah: Under one condition. It won't be a World title shot. It will be for the US title. And if you want to be in this organization, you will be forced to change your name permanently.
Capital X: ........Ugh. To what?
Rajah: Your new name will be Capital Asshole.
Capital X: WTF?
Rajah: By the way, your match starts now. NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!
Capital Asshole drops his head in defeat, and walks out the office toward the ring. As he approaches the ring, the crowd immediately chants "asshole" much to the dislike of Capital Asshole. The US champion AWESOM-O makes his way to the ring to a string of cheers and mild boos. Don't let the cheers fool you. This guy is still a c(u)nt.
AWESOM-O attempts to lock up with Capital Asshole, but Mr.Asshole kicks him in the stomach and rams him to the corner. He turns his frustration into aggression with a series of kicks and punches until AWESOM-O falls from the corner.
The asshole chants get louder and they continue to bother Capital Asshole. It turns into domination as he grounds AWESOM-O for the next few minutes with a basic ground & pound. With AWESOM-O on the ground, Capital Asshole goes outside to mouth off to a few front row fans. For a few seconds, he exchanges words with the fans, then he dares them to slap him. They attempt to slap him but he moves away and taunts the fan.
He gets back in the ring with all smilies on his face. He turns to AWESOM-O to continue the offense. AWESOM-O takes off his shirt to reveal a tanktop that says "asshole" on it. Capital Asshole freezes in shock, as AWESOM-O hits the c(u)nt punt to the throat/upper chin for the win!
Roman King: The welsh take another!
Headliner: Why is there a foreigner holding the United States title? Anyway, that ****ish attitude of his is attractive. No homo.
Roman King: At least you don't hate him like Slick did.
Headliner: He lives in Canada.
Roman King: Point taken.
The camera shifts focus toward the ring where we see Boss Holt watching the crew set up the Holt Factor. The ring ropes are unloosen, the ring is decorated with a podium and a red carpet.
Holt: Good evening. I have two words for you.
Crowd: Suck It!
Holt: Jesus Christ are we living in 1998? My two words are "EWWW RASSLIN"
Holt: Rasslin sucks. I can't believe I just watched two guys fake beat up on each other.
Holt: I bet those guys are backstage now having the time of their lives together. People faking hate toward each other. Eww.
Boss Holt: I bet they are nursing each others injuries. Like, "Aww sorry baby did I hurt you?"
Boss Holt: I want the real stuff. Not none of this PG rated stuff. Gas prices are too high to waste your money on this stuff.
Boss Holt: Three letters bitches. Chant them with me. M-M-A!
Crowd boos louder, and chants back G-T-F-O
Boss Holt: Being in this squared circle alone is making me want to throw up. You'll hear more from me, a real entertainment fan.
Holt walks off silently with a smirk on his face as the crowd boos him until he goes through the curtain.
Backstage we see a bunch of worthy tag team wrestlers and others are talking strategy. Apparently all of the teams believe they are getting a shot at the tag titles.
Stainless: Ok, I hold Platt down. And you dance all over his face causing him to give up the 3 count.
Kliqster: We could just do balls in your mouth.
McQueen: Ok Derek, random japanese moves ftw?
McQueen: I need more communication man.
i$$ac: Son of a bitch.
Emperor DC: I just want Platt.
Hawt Es: Merce! C'Mon man we gotta win the tag titles. Think about it. Computer Design Production Help Team, to Tag Team Champion!
i$$ac: You need to actually be good at graphic design to help people, and you need to be a good wrestler to become a champion. Just saying Es.
Evolution: I'd like a partner.
Every Australian comes running toward toward Evolution
David: Two announcements. One, next week there will be a Aussie battle royal between all the Australians. The people that do well might get more time. The reason for this is that it's too many of you to keep up with. Some of you need to GTFO for a little while.
David: Second announcement, sorry to inform you guys of this, but none of you guys are getting the tag title shot.
Platt: Don't feel like fighting tonight tbh
David: Well, we do, but we don't.
Everyone: What do you mean?
Platt: We are going to defend the titles in a five minute time limit match.
David: Richie and 27Leo27
Everyone: Who, what?
Random shout from the background: That asshole Richie is suppose to be in bed right now!
David & Platt: They are in the ring now. Goodbye
Everyone in the lockeroom appears pissed off at what just happened.
David and Platt walk toward the ring to defend their titles. David stops mid way to the ring and Platt never notices it. The challengers appear nervous and excited. 27Leo27 is making a surprise debut here at WWF and seems to be shaken up. Richie can't believe he's in a title match. He won't stop moving around the ring. The kid forgot to take his medicine. The parents won't be happy.
The match starts off between Platt and Richie. Richie immediately jumps off the top rope with a dropkick and a series of punches to Platt on the ground. Richie jumps back to the rope and this time hits a clothesline to Platt. He tags in his partner 27Leo27. That doesn't stop Richie though. Richie is running around the outside of the ring non-stop in enjoyment.
27Leo kicked Platt, and then took a few steps back in nervousness. He goes to kick Platt again, but Platt counters into a dragon screw takedown. 27Leo27 quickly goes back to tag Richie.
Richie runs circles around Platt exactly 7 times at the speed of light before going back to the top rope. Running around Platt costs Richie as he becomes dizzy, and slips off the turnbuckle face first into the ring. Platt attacks 27Leo27, and goes for the pin on Richie. 1, 2 ,3.
As Platt tries to get up, a number of wrestlers from the back run to the ring. David sees this, and gets out of dodge leaving Platt all alone. Emperor DC briefly attacks Platt, and a number of other tag wrestlers from the back get mild parts of Platt before he's able to slip out of the ring. Platt looks for David, and sees that he's no where to be found. Nice partner.
Headliner: Ok, is this where we're suppose to close out the show with comments?
Roman King: Maybe.
Headliner: But what if we don't have anything to say?
Roman King: Then you're worthless.
Headliner: You're fired.
Roman King: I swear to god................
Last edited by Headliner; 10-18-2008 at 03:22 PM.
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