[wf_whore]

> >
> > In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
> >
> > Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, 'Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'. And so they gained 10 pounds.
> >
> > And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.
> >
> > And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.
> >
> > So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
> >
> > God then said 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.
> >
> > And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
> >
> > Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
> >
> > Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
> >
> > And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
> >
> > Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
> >
> > And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'. And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
> >
> > God sighed ........ and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
> >
> > And then............ Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.
> >
> > THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
> >
> > After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:
> >
> > 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
> > 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
> > 3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
> > 4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
> > 5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
> > 6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us
> >
> > CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[RITS]

hahahhahahahahahaha i nearly died of laughter

[Kibondo]

This should of been in word games, I guess.

[S2H]

This thread is a joke.

[austinrockera]

I have a small one, I know its mean, but makes me laugh every time... here goes.


What is better than winning a gold medal in the special Olympics???

Not being retarded!

[KingTaker]

Originally Posted by S2H_Werd

This thread is a joke.

Agreed. None of the "jokes" that the original poster posted, they're not even remotely funny...

[HeAT]

The majority of the jokes I know are sexist, racist, disabilist, deadist or blondist so unless they're allowed I'll keep zipped.

I guess this one will be accepted;

When did Adolf Hitler commit suicide?

[spoiler]When he got his gas bill![/spoiler]

[KingTaker]

Originally Posted by Heat

I guess this one will be accepted;

When did Adolf Hitler commit suicide?

[spoiler]When he got his gas bill![/spoiler]

Hilarious !!

[kertonl]

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[KingCrash]

Here's a couple of quick ones I've heard

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

[spoiler]Mace.[/spoiler]

Why did the retarded kid cross the road?

[spoiler]Don't know? Neither does he.[/spoiler]