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**CM_Jobber** · 05-17-2008, 02:20 PM

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?"

His wife, finally fed up with her husband, shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

**Jamie1** · 05-17-2008, 08:09 PM

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

**dele** · 05-17-2008, 08:36 PM

How many Sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?

[spoiler]
Depends:
2: One to change it and the other to yell "DADDY!!!!!!"
65: One to change it and 64 to clap, cheer, sing, and dance.[/spoiler]

ADAMRKO · 05-17-2008, 09:27 PM

Two guys go into an interview for a job, They where told they had the job as long as they answer 2 questions right. So the first man goes in sits down, the interivewer looks at him and says" if you answer these 2 questions correctly you have the job". So the interviewer says" What would happen if i cut out one of your eyes" , the man replys i wouldn't be able to see out of 1 of my eyes". Then the interviewer says" what would happen if i cut both eyes out" the man repls in turn i would be fully blind" The first man walsk out after getting both questions right and tells the 2rd man just say your blind in one eye and then your fuly blind and you got it. So the second man goes in site down and the interviewer says" what would happen if i cut one of your ears off?" the man replyed in turn" i would be blind in one eye" then the interviewer said " what about both ears?" then he said" i would be fully blinded" the interviewer goes " why would you be blind after lsoing both ears the man said" you would be to if your baseball cap had no ears to keep it out of youe eyes".

**Richie™** · 05-17-2008, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamie1

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

I chuckled at that one.

Pretty funny.

**papermache16** · 05-17-2008, 10:42 PM

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

[spoiler]By putting a plunger in the toilet[/spoiler]

Did you hear about the Mexican college graduate?

[spoiler]Neither did I.[/spoiler]

What does a woman and a toilet seat have in common?

[spoiler]Without the whole in the middle, neither are worth shit[/spoiler]

**Seb91** · 05-17-2008, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by papermache16

What does a woman and a toilet seat have in common?

[spoiler]Without the whole in the middle, neither are worth shit[/spoiler]

Ugh, you ruined a perfectly good joke there.

What's the useless piece of skin around a vagina?

[spoiler]a woman[/spoiler]

**Deadman™** · 05-18-2008, 12:39 AM

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

[spoiler]Any one who can run, jump, or swim is already here (US)[/spoiler]

**papermache16** · 05-18-2008, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HBK91

Ugh, you ruined a perfectly good joke there.

What's the useless piece of skin around a vagina?

[spoiler]a woman[/spoiler]

Damn, typo ftl.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

[spoiler] Christopher Walken [/spoiler]

**dele** · 05-18-2008, 01:18 AM

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

[spoiler]She was a woman[/spoiler]

What did Helen Keller do when she fell off a cliff?
[spoiler]Screamed till her fingers were sore[/spoiler]