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How do you deal with anger?

2K views 51 replies 46 participants last post by  Dr. Ian Malcolm 
#1 ·
Some people here, those who recognise me, might think I'm an angry person but I'm actually rarely angry - it's just that this forum (particularly the non-wrestling threads that show up in Recent Discussions) is one of the online forums most likely to piss me off, which is why I rarely visit anymore.

At no point in school or at home was I, or the majority/entirety of my peers, taught how to deal with anger and frustration. In fact, experiences with these realities at home and school have reinforced the various unhelpful methods of reacting. One of the things I most despise about the online collective is the "you shouldn't have a problem" response whereby we tell people where they ought to be, which they already know, without giving any advice on how to get there. What I want to know is whether anybody here has any methods or advice.

What aggravates me more than anything is when I'm all set up to have an enjoyable morning/evening/whatever only to encounter something that shatters that state of mind and cuts me off from the things that would otherwise provide enjoyment because I'm now too frustrated to enjoy them - this creates a greater cycle of resentment. The latter tends to be what pushes me from irritation to thinking about stabbing someone in the neck repeatedly, only to then deal with the fallout once the emotion wears off because naturally I don't actually want to do such things - I just want an extreme release to an extreme state of being. This produces the duality that makes me feel like two separate beings in one body.

If I'm feeling sad or down then meditation might be an option but the last thing I want to do is be calm and inactive while the heat is rising, not falling; every part of me wants to release it so my question is how?

Responding with aggression - punching something until your knuckles bleed, tends to reinforce the emotion rather than release it (despite the Hollywood psychiatrist who gives the opposite advice of actual anger management professionals). It also leaves a depression triggering wake to confront you once you're back to normal.

The best thing I've found is expression and communication, which is why I'm here in the last place I'd otherwise want to visit in such a frame of mind. I doubt that this is most people's outlet though so I'm posing the question still.

If your method is ineffective then still share it but obviously I'd ideally like to know if anyone can actually control their anger.

Cheers.

TL;DR version: I explained the virtues of ritual sacrifice and made a case for fascism/communism - whichever you think is worse

seeing the big picture on the destructive nature of polarising sociopolitical issues when they're responded to with the use of stereotypes, caricatures and confirmation loops. Example, the word "feminism" will instantly turn brains to mush because it's a trigger-term (not the trigger warning stuff that's also used as a trigger-term but a term which evokes a preset emotional response independent of specifics).

Whereas five years ago we could have disuccsed the merits of individual topics, the formation of another trigger-term (like sexism, racism, transgender, victim, injustice, SJW, political correctness <--these aren't conceptually bad, they're just emotional triggers) has ensured that a tribal, polarised, us vs them mentality emerges that destroys the harmony and cohesion of a community and leaves us divided and bitter. A confirmation loop would be highlighting examples of feminists or anti-feminists who fit your perspective of "how these feminists/anti-feminists are" - the internet allows us to do this indefinitely so that prejudices are reinforced while exceptions are avoided or ignored.

Capital punishment has not been tarred by this so we could all discuss capital punishment. Gun control is getting there, Islam is a huge one, transgender issues are a huge one, gender discussion is even bigger. I could not say "let's discuss the concept of "SJWs" and the merits of that term's usage" and have a reasoned discussion because it's become a trigger-term and these things are encouraged by our media and by ourselves.

I got away from political YouTube channels because of the toxic, self-corroding nature of this and came here instead. These non-wrestling boards spread to the wrestling sections via Recent Discussions (the option to include/exclude boards would fix that) so I left here and went to gaming channels instead. I'm now unscribing to channel after channel because the hosts insist on taking their Anita Sarkesian war/preoccupation into their gaming discussion. Religion and politics are like masturbation - keep it private unless the entire group agrees in advance
 
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#12 ·
I've always wanted to try Archery. I just never got round actually trying.

Answer to OP's question: People know when i'm angry because i tend to take it out on them.. which is something i've personally tried to work with. Shouldn't punish people who aren't the reason why i might be angry.
 
#7 ·
I don't have a problem with anger. By that I don't mean I don't get angry, I just mean I don't view anger as an inherently negative emotion. Emotions can be very helpful indicators that you either need more self-knowledge (if you don't understand why you're experiencing those emotions), or you need to analyze the source of your emotions more carefully to consider whether or not your emotions are justified. There are a lot of things people should be angry about, and rejecting that anger out of hand and training yourself to just be aloof about everything I think is a very big mistake.
 
#30 ·
workout, music and hangin out with friends...
 
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#34 ·
GTA killing rampages usually.


There isn't really much I do to deal with real anger honestly. Most of it is just bottled inside. It's really not healthy and causes more problems than it solves, but I've never really found anything that can take the feeling away for any amount of time.
 
#38 · (Edited)
What didn't work as a kid:

1. Punch something
2. Kick something
3. Shout incoherent nonsense
4. Mumble incessantly
5. Fantasize about killing someone
6. Fantasize about killing myself
7. Lashed out at others with a vengeance

What works as an adult

1. Take a 5 minute walk
2. Take a 15-20 minute drive
3. Punch a pillow/punching bag
4. Watch fail videos on youtube
5. Watch TV
6. Listen to music - but NOT metal, hard rock or grunge.
7. Watch CinemaSins
8. Put myself in the shoes of the person I'm angry with
9. Remember all the times when acting out when angry were ultimately pointless and realize that anger itself even though serves an immediate purpose is essentially just as meaningless as most other human emotions because logically the outcome of getting angry, being angry and doing things when angry accomplishes absolutely nothing at all ... So might as well stop being angry because it's pointless just like everything else in life.
 
#43 ·
Exercise really helps, or sometimes I go to a local archery or shooting range and shoot my anger away. I find that if I do something to channel the aggression towards rather than let it build up then it really helps.

Ultimately, I want to be the one to get rid of the anger. On quite a few occasions, I want to go ahead and be angry for a little while and let myself feel better on my own terms.
 
#2 ·
In response to your thing, you straight out the bat have to accept that people have different experiences in life. People take on pop-culture that makes them feel welcome, ideals that help them feel they have a place in this world. And while we can't influence that (nor should we), it's healthier to look to understand it rather than avoiding it or mocking/ridiculing it.

The way I deal with anger nowadays is I just look out the window. Skylines, moving clouds, people and cars moving up and down the street. Makes you realise your own perspective is one in seven billion. That those in their cars are probably stressing out about the same issues in life, those walking into their houses off to relax and how in 500 years, the skyline I see today won't be there for someone else to look at. Why waste your time being angry?
 
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