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Where does friendship end for you?

2K views 44 replies 37 participants last post by  ROH AmericanDragon 
#1 · (Edited)
This is something that's been the cause of some stress and strife recently and it's become apparent to me that not everybody shares me outlook on one's choice of company. What I want to know is at what point would you decide you don't want to be friends with a person, what would it take - what would they have to do, or is there no limit?


Obviously there are different levels of friend in life so this question applies to all types, let's divide it into:

a) Close friend in the outside world - the people you meet up with frequently and have probably known for a long time

b) Extended circle friends or work friends -maybe you eat lunch with these people or see them at group gatherings but don't have a close relationship

c) Online acquaintances - you Like/respond to their posts frequently, maybe leave the odd visitor message or PM on rare occasion but you don't have one/one conversations or anything

d) Online friends - the people you're tight with and have probably had at least one meaningful non wrestling conversation with

I would imagine the threshold will be higher for closer friends so that interests me but I'm most curious about where the line's drawn for you if the line exists at all. Do you consider it more virtuous to remain friends with people no matter what (even if they're just online acquaintances) or do you think being mates with really nasty people is worse?

I really want to see if I'm in the minority here because when it comes to 'b', 'c' & probably 'd', I wouldn't wish to remain friends with somebody who, say, is deeply hateful towards groups of people be it for race, religion or sexual orientation. I'd have real issues with it if they were in the 'a' group too but I'd at least want to discuss it with them one/one to see if it's something they're maybe conflicted or not proud of.

If somebody was abusive to their partner or, worse still, to their children then the same would probably apply - if it was something they knew was fucked up and regretted it then I could be supportive but this of course is working towards them stopping so I'm really talking about people who have no remorse.

If anybody's thinking "I'd never stop being someone's work friend/online acquaintance no matter what" then realise that this would include things like raping or murdering someone (with no remorse) - I think almost everybody has *some* threshold and that's what I'd love to learn about.

I ask this primarily because I find myself thinking "How can they still be cool with that person?" and then it makes it difficult for me to enjoy their friendship. I expect everybody to hold me to their own standards too - if I started ranting about how Hitler had the right idea and should have killed even more, I wouldn't expect people to be all "Hey RiC! How are ya babe?". I feel like friendship is built on the basic foundation of liking/admiring someone and if that changes then the relationship will too yet I get the sense that some people would split up with a partner over less than they'd disassociate with a friend for. Do most people not care if their friends are scumbags? Am I unreasonable for caring about whose company I keep?

I want to learn about other people to better understand everyone so if you think my perspective is all wrong then by all means explain but please keep it productive. Thanks for reading.
 
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#15 · (Edited)
I have two friends. My boyfriend and my best friend(who lives 3 states away). Plus one "kinda" friend at work. I am very anti social and I tend to not want to socialize with anybody because I'm interested in things that I can't seen to find friends who are also interested in those things. Also, I like to be left alone. When I don't want to be bothered, I wont be. And I'll make sure of that. So in that sense I'm not really a good friend. I can make conversation with anyone and I'm super friendly and there are so many people who probably think I'm a good friend or am their friend who I could care less about. I'm just really nice and people wanna be my friend but I don't want any of it.

In conclusion, I have no qualifications to be my friend because I dont like people nor do I want friends. May sound coldhearted but I'm just being honest. I'm the nicest, most respectful loner you will ever meet.
 
#21 ·
I have two friends. My boyfriend and my best friend. Plus one "kinda" friend at work. I am very anti social and I tend to not want to socialize with anybody because I'm interested in things that I can't seen to find friends who are also interested in those things. Also, I like to be left alone. When I don't want to be bothered, I wont be. And I'll make sure of that. So in that sense I'm not really a good friend. I can make conversation with anyone and I'm super friendly and there are so many people who probably think I'm a good friend or am their friend who I could care less about. I'm just really nice and people wanna be my friend but I don't want any of it.

In conclusion, I have no qualifications to be my friend because I dont like people nor do I want friends. May sound coldhearted but I'm just being honest. I'm the nicest, most respectful loner you will ever meet.
^This and I don't even date anymore I just hang out with people like me they understand. Mostly family that I've been around my whole life.
 
#7 ·
I don't know. There is no magic formula or mathematic equation as it pertains to how much I'm willing to forgive (or tolerate) when it comes to friendships. I have a high threshold anyhow for most acquaintances, so friends have an even higher one. I can tolerate most anything, but that doesn't mean I make (and keep) friends any easier. Sometimes, it just depends on the person too.

I will be the first to admit that my standards are not universal. There is no "one size fits all" for me when it comes to befriending someone and keeping 'em as a friend. Every individual I encounter, I have a certain limit. The limit is always unbeknownst to me until I actually hit it. When it comes to sensitive topics and lifestyle choices, again my standards are all over the place and vary from person to person.

So, yeah.
 
#14 ·
It honestly really varies. Despite how I post, I'm a very loving and friendly person and befriend people easily. I consider 'close friends' to basically be family and I have only two of them. What ends friendships depends on the person, their circumstance, and how I feel towards the relationship. I don't have any given rules that I always follow. I guess some big no-nos would be if they messed around with a significant other I had (as if I'll ever have one :().
 
#25 ·
All in all I think if you truly cherish and value your friendship, it would take something HUGE (hurting a loved one?). No 2 minds are completely alike. I argue (verbal fight) and disagree with friends all the time, we're not going to throw away our friendship over minor shit like that.

Think of it when you are kids and have siblings. Myself and the majority of people I know would fight, physically and verbally with siblings. When you're older that shit goes away and you realize you're family, nothing will break that bond.

If someone ends a friendship over different opinions or views, then thats petty and you're weak and close minded IMO. You'll end up lonely. The world would be so boring if everyone was perfect and alike.
 
#28 ·
Agree there...my wife and I are polar opposites when it comes to temperament, opinions, etc. I have friends that I don't agree with when it comes to sports teams, politics, etc. In fact, a person I would call a good work friend doesn't understand why I like to fish and hunt as he is all for animal rights. However, there is that respect there and that doesn't change our relationships.

I find annoying the people who have to think that you can't be their friend if you have to think exactly the way they do.
 
#8 ·
I don't have a specific list or things that must follow my exact qualifications to become my friend. If we share the same common interests or we get along in some way, then we're bound to hit it off.
 
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#11 ·
If someone doesn't know how to behave in my home its over. Even if I don't like someone I'll be at my best behavior while I'm on a visit, if someones doesn't do the same thing for me there will be trouble. :rock


Money is also an issue, I never borrow it and I never give it to someone I like. 90% of the time it ends in a fight

As for making new friends -> As long as he/she is cool with jokes and can hold their liquor we're all set :rock
 
#17 ·
Usually what makes me start to befriend someone is common interests, this makes me think the friendship will be fun. However what makes me stay a friend is the most vital part, and that is seeing a person who follows a moral compass that is either identical or close to mine. I don't exactly hate people who don't follow my moral compass completely, and am willing to befriend people who follow their moral compass even if it's different to mine (thats assuming they're fine with mine). However its people who I feel do not care about their moral compass that I won't befriend, the second I feel someone doesn't care about their moral compass is the second I want to avoid this person. A HUGE part of morality if you ask me is compassion, and someone who claims not to care about compassion is someone I don't want the displeasure of ever dealing with let alone befriending. I value the word friend a lot, and not just anybody becomes a friend to me. A friend isn't just someone I enjoy hanging out with, a friend is someone I love enough to fight for because of how much I respect & admire them. A friend is family, not just someone I have fun with.
 
#35 ·
It's easy for me to make friends with other dudes. I can't make friends who are girls for some reason. I barely have any at all. I feel like if I get close with a girl it will turn into a relationship and that makes me nervous. Almost to the extent where I avoid women. Things just get awkward. I'd be cool with a girl if we just friends. I am far from ready to start dating and stuff.
 
#9 ·
When it comes to online here...have a lot of acquaintances, a few that one could possibly call online friends. Definitely a few I could meet IRL and throw down a beer or two with. I tolerate a lot, although when someone comes across as acting really dumb that's when they get cut off.

In the real world outside of WF, my work friends and close friends are two entirely separate circles. I have the people I hang out with at work, and then my friends outside of work. Especially the ones I've known for many years. I do have a group of about 8 of us that have been together literally since we were in diapers. We get together once a year, maybe twice sometimes, but it's like time never stopped when we do. These are the friends I will walk through fire with, right on up to the gates of hell for.

To have me stop being your friend takes a lot...I am fiercely loyal but if pushed far enough then I will cut someone off. My son and his best friend, for example...I was good friends with his dad for a long time until he pissed me off really bad one night and embarrassed me in public. He was acting like a raven, drunken maniac and even after I got him into the car to take him home he kept screaming at me. Next morning, he was an even bigger bitch when I wanted to see how hungover he was. I don't have time for that shit.
 
#13 ·
For my close friends I think it would take a lot. Like they would have to do something really bad to me or someone that I really care about and not apologize or care that they did it after I told them how I felt about it. Something short of that and I think I would eventually forgive them for just about anything.
 
#16 · (Edited)
I've moved around too much in my life to have a stable group of friends IRL. I've migrated 4 times to 3 different countries since I was 15 ffs lol ... and then school / university / job changes every 2-3 years as well.

I have two friends that I've had the longest (going on 18 years now) but we haven't met since 1999. Basically, the last time I had a "friend" that I saw more than once or twice a year was during my last university degree and that was in 2005. Since then I've been married twice and divorced once with neither marriage resulting in a lot of friends outside marriage itself. Most of my friendships have ended organically in that moving on meant moving apart. Only a couple of my friendships were willfully ended as a result of fights.

In 2011, I made some decent friends on another forum where I fell for the idea that online acquaintances could be friends - and boy was I wrong. None of those "friendships" panned out and some of them resulted in some drama and emotional turmoil that looking back on now makes me realize just how stupid I was to think that online friendships could be anything more than just chit-chatting once in a while.

At this point I'm not socializing at all. The last time I hung out with a group of guys/buddies was literally 7-8 years ago. That said, this is partly by choice and partly due to the fact that I find it boring and chore-like. I had a lot of fun before I turned 26 and a lot of pretty decent experiences .. I've seen a lot of the world and experienced a lot the world has to offer .. the rest that I haven't experienced just doesn't seem very interesting and I know that is a significant mental disorder that I should be in treatment for.

As for determining friendship itself ... for me at this point in time it is an unworthy venture ... A chore and a responsibility that I no longer have the patience or aptitude for .. Is there really anything worthwhile to be had with friends except starting to repeat the same old boring experiences over and over again till you find something new and then do that over and over again .. you end up talking about the same things, sharing the same experiences .. etc etc. It's not interesting enough for me.

I'm looking forward to having a kid and experiencing their life with them. Other than that ... I've experienced a lot life has to offer and not much of it interests me .. Definitely not when it comes to hanging out with people :shrug That is extremely boring, repetitive, mundane and just plain unnecessary.
 
#20 ·
Betrayal or at the first sight of being deceitful or dishonest. I cannot tolerate dishonesty for people you are suppose to trust. It just doesn't make sense.


Now everybody had their quirks, but I tend not to judge people for them, more like try to understand why they are that way. Stuff like that intrigues me.
 
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