It's funny because despite how different our lives have been, I also find music to be one of the best, most therapeutic, things in my life.
I was never really an outcast, and was actually very popular in high school and college, but I too suffer from depression, anxiety, and obsessive thoughts (pure-o OCD as some people call it). All since I can remember. I feel like it's gotta be genetic because my mom and sister are the same way... My dad to a lesser extent, but still has anxiety.
Meds take the edge off, but the only medication that takes it away completely is Xanax, and I'm not trying to take that very often/get addicted. Alcohol takes it all away too, but then the following day I have an AWFUL anxiety hangover (apparently a hangover will exacerbate anxiety) and lots of guilt... It's a vicious cycle.
Stay strong, don't worry about where you are in life, just do the things you enjoy. Listen to music, watch wrestling, whatever helps. I can tell you, as someone who will be 29 in a couple of days, that what people think about you truly stops mattering every passing year. I no longer care about what people think of me (as long as they don't think I'm a jerk, a bad person, etc). Just be a good person, do things you enjoy, don't give up on the meds, don't worry how you're perceived, and don't give up on yourself. It sounds VERY cliche, but that train of thought has helped me.
Edit: see another doctor, or two. Being suicidal is no joke, and there's no reason to be as miserable as you are. I've been through a few doctors myself. They aren't all created equal, and yours might just be no good. If you aren't feeling better, see someone else.
Last edited by The_It_Factor; 04-15-2015 at 11:06 PM.