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post #1 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-13-2012, 07:29 PM Thread Starter
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My boyfriend can't fuck for shit

My NEW boyfriend, claimed on our first date to be an outstanding fucker. He said he would make Ron Jeremy look an absolute cunt in the bedroom. Wonderful, my dream guy is a guy who can bang my shepherds pie.

Turns out, it was all talk. His fucking is atrocious. Last night, i found some of his leftovers in my cheese burger. Not only that, but his dick smelt like a giraffes ass crack. Why do guys fucking lie?

I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that his fucking is nothing short of a travesty, i mean, hes a lovely guy, but why claim you can do something to an exceptional standard when you in fact, cannot. His dick gives me the shits all the time as well. I went to work today and i spent half my shift in the toilet, with the world falling out of my ass.

How can i tell him that i don't want to put his dick down my gob anymore without crushing his feelings? I can't cook by the way, but i'm not the one who was bragging about being a sex machine. All advice greatly appreciated.






Edit: And apparently, he's a Rock Slurper


Last edited by Sephiroth; 12-13-2012 at 07:32 PM.
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post #2 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-13-2012, 07:32 PM
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Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit

Take Viagra and enlargement pills.

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post #3 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-13-2012, 07:35 PM
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uuuuulltra gaaaaaay

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post #4 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-13-2012, 07:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit

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uuuuulltra gaaaaaay
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post #5 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-13-2012, 07:38 PM
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Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit

Well done OP, pat on the back for you, round of applause from myself and my awful cook of a girlfriend.
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post #6 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-13-2012, 07:39 PM
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Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit

It's probably your fault since you can't cook for shit.

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post #7 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-13-2012, 07:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit

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Originally Posted by Dartz View Post
Well done OP, pat on the back for you, round of applause from myself and my awful cook of a girlfriend.
I fucked your girlfriend so hard last month that she hasn't been able to cook properly since, bitch.
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post #8 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-13-2012, 07:42 PM
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Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit

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I fucked your girlfriend so hard last month that she hasn't been able to cook properly since, bitch.
I fucked your mum so hard, her fingers fell off, so no more world of warcraft for herrrr mate.
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post #9 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-13-2012, 07:44 PM
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Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit

Interesting. Staying tuned for the latest developments.

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post #10 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-13-2012, 07:46 PM
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Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit

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Originally Posted by Sephiroth View Post
I fucked your girlfriend so hard last month that she hasn't been able to cook properly since, bitch.
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I fucked your mum so hard, her fingers fell off, so no more world of warcraft for herrrr mate.
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