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Sephiroth 12-13-2012 07:29 PM

My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
 
My NEW boyfriend, claimed on our first date to be an outstanding fucker. He said he would make Ron Jeremy look an absolute cunt in the bedroom. Wonderful, my dream guy is a guy who can bang my shepherds pie.

Turns out, it was all talk. His fucking is atrocious. Last night, i found some of his leftovers in my cheese burger. Not only that, but his dick smelt like a giraffes ass crack. Why do guys fucking lie?

I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that his fucking is nothing short of a travesty, i mean, hes a lovely guy, but why claim you can do something to an exceptional standard when you in fact, cannot. His dick gives me the shits all the time as well. I went to work today and i spent half my shift in the toilet, with the world falling out of my ass.

How can i tell him that i don't want to put his dick down my gob anymore without crushing his feelings? I can't cook by the way, but i'm not the one who was bragging about being a sex machine. All advice greatly appreciated.






Edit: And apparently, he's a Rock Slurper

:punk2

Callisto 12-13-2012 07:32 PM

Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
 
Take Viagra and enlargement pills.

Even.Flow.NYC 12-13-2012 07:35 PM

uuuuulltra gaaaaaay

Sephiroth 12-13-2012 07:37 PM

Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAverageGuy (Post 12374925)
uuuuulltra gaaaaaay

http://i.imgur.com/q5HsD.gif

Dartz 12-13-2012 07:38 PM

Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
 
Well done OP, pat on the back for you, round of applause from myself and my awful cook of a girlfriend.

cesaro_ROCKS 12-13-2012 07:39 PM

Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
 
It's probably your fault since you can't cook for shit.

Sephiroth 12-13-2012 07:40 PM

Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartz (Post 12374939)
Well done OP, pat on the back for you, round of applause from myself and my awful cook of a girlfriend.

I fucked your girlfriend so hard last month that she hasn't been able to cook properly since, bitch.

Dartz 12-13-2012 07:42 PM

Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sephiroth (Post 12374951)
I fucked your girlfriend so hard last month that she hasn't been able to cook properly since, bitch.

I fucked your mum so hard, her fingers fell off, so no more world of warcraft for herrrr mate.

McQueen 12-13-2012 07:44 PM

Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
 
Interesting. Staying tuned for the latest developments.

DualShock 12-13-2012 07:46 PM

Re: My boyfriend can't fuck for shit
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sephiroth (Post 12374951)
I fucked your girlfriend so hard last month that she hasn't been able to cook properly since, bitch.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartz (Post 12374965)
I fucked your mum so hard, her fingers fell off, so no more world of warcraft for herrrr mate.

http://antzinpantz.com/kns/images/DE...TONS-large.jpg


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