Learning to break kayfabe
Join Date: Feb 2011
Re: Extreme Revival
EPW ON HBO DEBUT EPISODE
"Start A War" by Static X plays as the intro video airs. We go live inside the Viking Hall (the old ECW Arena), where the music continues to play. Paul Heyman makes his way to the ring, microphone in hand. The crowd chants "Paul-E" for almost a minute before Paul raises his hand. The crowd quiets down.
Paul: For those of you who don't know, my name is Paul Heyman, former owner of ECW and current owner of EPW. Now, I didn't plan on starting off the show with a promo, but there's been a lot said on the internet as of late, and I've never been one to shy away from that kind of shit... by the way, this is TV-MA, so younger ears may want to watch something else. It has been roughly 10 years since ECW folded... for those of you who don't know, I had no wife, no girlfriend, no children, so ECW was my baby. 10 years ago, it folded, and I thought that was the end, but around 2005, Vince McMahon, who at the time was my boss, got the idea to bring ECW back for one night only, and we sold the fucking place out!
Paul: Fast forward to 2006, and Vince brings back ECW. Now, leading up to One Night Stand 2006, me and Vince talked about all these great idea's for the new brand, and I was actually pretty excited. Then the big night came, and I found out that I was going to be a MINOR part of the creative process behind the WWE's ECW. I approached Vince about this, and he explained to me how there was, and I quote, "No place for YOUR ECW in today's market."
*Boo's. A small "Fuck Vince" chant breaks out*
Paul: Now, a lot of you may wonder why I am bringing this up. Let's fast forward again to just a month and a half ago. I shut down EPW until our TV debut so we could prepare, so I had a bit more free time then I usually do, so I decided to float around the dirt sheets, see what's going on in other promotions... when I happened to stumble across an interview with Vince. He was asked about my TV deal, and he said, and I'm going to paraphrase a little, here, that based off of ECW's failure when I was in charge, that I had lost my touch, and that EPW was going to be a failure... mind you, this is coming from the same man who found a way to sick a Multi-BILLION dollar corporation, who had the biggest names in professional wrestling in his talent roster, and STILL found a way to go bankrupt. So, for Vince McMahon and the world to hear- FUCK YOU, VINCE!
*The crowd cheers wildly. A more audible "Fuck Vince" chant breaks out. Paul raises his hand again and the crowd goes quiet again*
Paul: While I'm out here, I might as well also address Mr Eric Bischoff...
Paul: Going back again, it was about mid to late 2009. I wasn't too involved with the wrestling world, I was doing the Heyman Hustle at the time. But I get a phone call one day from TNA and they wanted me to do a little booking for them to try and improve their product. I agreed to meet with Dixie Carter. Well, I once again go on the dirt sheets, and I see that they are offering Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan this position, as well, and offering them quite a hefty sum. Skip forward to the meeting, which went well up until this point, and she lays a number on me. I decide to bring up that she was offering me quite a bit less then Bischoff, and she has the audacity to tell me that he's a more sound investment, which is why he's been offered more money...
*More massive boo's*
Paul: Just to clarify, I'm not in wrestling for the money, but I took this as a massive strike to my ego, and I told her that, unless I am paid the same amount as him, I wasn't interested, and she went on a tangent about how Bischoff did more for the business then I did... RIGHT! Because stealing MY talent, MY idea's, that's doing more for the business, right? Again, go to the internet in the past month and a half, two months, and Bischoff is still bad mouthing my product, calling MY product a one-trick pony... right, because I shoved the nWo down your throats for close to five god damn years, right? With all of that said, I just want to say that the old ways are dead and gone! No more super-Cena, no more shit storylines, no more Eric Bischoff-Vince McMahon style wrestling, no! This is the future of Professional Wrestling, this is the beginning of a new era, THIS IS EXTREME PRO WRESTLING!!!
"Start a war" plays again, as the camera's cut to Joey Styles.
Joey: Welcome, everyone, to Extreme Pro Wrestling on HBO. I'm your broadcaster, Joey Styles, and we are live from the EPW Arena in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania! We've got a great show for you tonight, ladies and gents. In tonight's main event, we will see the debut of our mystery man! Promo's have aired for months, but tonight, the mystery man will team up with Rob Van Dam, and our EPW World Champion, Bryan Danielson, as they face the team of Christopher Daniels, Ted Dibiase Jr and Jeff Hardy. Also, the women's title will be defended as Victoria Varon, our womens champion, faces Natalya Neidhart. We have to cut to a commercial right now, but when we return, "Long Island Iced Z" Zach Ryder will face Maven Huffman. Don't go anywhere, folks!
When we return, Maven Huffman is already in the ring. "Radio" by Watt White plays as Ryder comes out to the ring, dressed in his old school tights (The one's with only one leg). He is being booed pretty hard, and met with a "Get the fuck out" chant.
Joey: Ladies and gentleman, as much as I'd hate to say it, this man has been on one hell of a role! Zach hasn't lost a match in nearly three months, and he's looking to make Maven another victim tonight!
He gets in the ring, and ref Brian Hebner calls for the bell, starting the bout.
MATCH 1: Maven Huffman VS Zach Ryder
The two tie up in the center of the ring. Zach thumbs Maven in the eye and clothesline's him to the ground, getting an early, if unfair, advantage. Ryder dominates Maven throughout most of the match. However, when Ryder attempts to hit the Zach Attack, Maven finds a way to counter the move, sending Ryder to the ground. He gets up, but Maven meets him with a dropkick to the chops. Ryder backs into the corner, and Maven hits him with a clothes line. Zach stumbles toward the middle of the ring, as Huffman climbs to the top rope. He waits for "Long Island Iced Z" to turn around, and when he does.... BAM! Missile Dropkick! Maven goes for the cover and... he gets the win!
WINNER: Maven Huffman by Pinfall at 7:21
Joey: Can you say upset? Maven Huffman just ended Ryder's winning streak out of nowhere! Something truly has to be...
At this moment, Ryder clubs Maven in the back of the head with a forearm. Maven slowly gets up, and Ryder stalks him. When Huffman is on his feet, Ryder hits him with the Zach Attack. Maven hits the ground hard, clutching his neck. Ryder makes his way to the back.
Joey: What a sore loser! Maven won that match fair and square, and Ryder with that underhanded assault.... uh-oh... it looks like Maven might be badly hurt!
Maven is in the center of the ring clutching his neck. The referee is checking on him as we go to a break.
Camera fades in to the interview area, where Christy Hemme is standing with EPW Champion Bryan Danielson, and his partner for tonight's main event, Rob Van Dam.
Christy: Rob, Bryan, tonight you square off against Christopher Daniels, Jeff Hardy and Ted Dibiase Jr, and you don't even know who your partner is going to be. How are you two feeling right now?
Bryan: Well, Christy, it's a little worrying who the partner may or may not be... I mean, me and Rob have made plenty of enemies in our past... but personally, I'm not that concerned about it. I know that, even if our partner isn't the most reliable person in the world, me and Rob have each other's backs.
Rob: I have to agree with Bryan, dude. Don't get me wrong, our opponents are pretty tough cats, but it's nothing that "Mr Monday Night" and "The American Dragon" can't handle, man! Now, I'd hate to cut this short, but we're waiting on a pizza guy to come...
Christy: Pizza man? Shouldn't you be preparing for your match?
Rob: *Smiles* Christy, you forget who your talking to. our opponents are no match for Bryan Danielson and Rob... Van... Dam!
Rob and Bryan walk off camera, and we cut to a clip of Maven being helped out of the ring.
Joey: Well, clearly, RVD and Danielson aren't worried, but I'm definitely worried about the state of Maven Huffman after that sick assault. In case you missed it, Maven was just attacked after his match by his opponent, Zach Ryder... we'll definitely be following this story, but right now, it's time for the women's title match!
"New Foundation" blares over the sound system as Natalya Neidhart makes her way out to the ring to moderate cheers. The music dies down, and "All the things she said" by tAtU plays. The women's champion, Victoria Varon, comes out with the title around her waste, being greeted by "Psycho Bitch" chants and boo's. Referee So Cal Val takes the title and starts the match.
WOMENS TITLE MATCH: Victoria Varon (C) VS Natalya Neidhart
The match kicks off with a greco-roman hold, which Victoria gets the better of, pushing Natalya to the corner. She connects with a few punches, until Natalya grabs her, puts her in the corner, and chops the hell out of Varon. Natalya steps back, letting Victoria walk out of the corner, and then nails the champ with a discus clothes line. Natalya is in control for a bit before the champ hits her with a superkick. The action is surprisingly back-and-fourth for a bit until Victoria hits the Spider's Web (Fireman's carry into a swinging sidewalk slam). The champ brings Neidhart to her feet and nails the Widows Peak to wrap the match up.
Winner and STILL champion: Victoria Varon VIA pinfall after 9:14
Joey: There you have it, Varon retains the title again! The question has to be asked- who, if anyone, can stop Victoria Varon?
A black limo pulls up behind the arena. Text reading "Next up- THE MAIN EVENT" pops on the screen as we cut to the break.
When we return, Ted Dibiase Jr and Christopher Daniels are already in the ring, being booed to high hell. "Another Me" plays over the sound system, and Jeff Hardy comes out, (Looking like he does now) met by HUGE boo's.
Joey: And there you see possibly the most hated man in EPW, Jeff Hardy, and for good reason! This man's success is built entirely off of his fanbase, and he threw all that away for what? His ego? Jeff Hardy is a selfish prick!
The music fades, and "Walk" by Pantera plays as RVD comes out to big cheers! Van Dam comes out, but stops just short of the ring. The music fades, and "The Final Countdown" by Europe begins to play. The fans sing along to the tune, and being to chant "your gonna get your fucking head kicked in" as the champion, Bryan Danielson, makes his way to the ring. The two hop up on the apron, as they wait for their partner. Bryan's music fades, and the arena goes quiet...
When "Perfect Strangers" by Deep Purple starts to play, and "The Franchise" Shane Douglas makes his way to the ring. The EPW arena goes ape shit, and a mass "Welcome Back" chant begins. Referee Pee Wee Moore calls for the bell, and we start off with Van Dam and Dibiase Jr.
MAIN EVENT: Bryan Danielson, Rob Van Dam and Shane Douglas VS Jeff Hardy, Christopher Daniels and Ted Dibiase Jr
The two tie up in the center of the ring, but Dibiase is quickly met by a spinning heel kick. Van Dam dominates for a bit before tagging in Danielson. Danielson works on Dibiase's arm for a bit, but Dibiase comes out of nowhere with a drop toe hold, followed up with a fist drop to the back of the head. He tags in Daniels. The champ gets up, but The Fallen Angel meets him with an enzugiri, which he followed with a springboard splash, getting him a two count. The next maybe 5-7 minutes are various members of team Hardy/Daniels/Dibiase pounding the champion, until Hardy is in the ring with Danielson. Jeff goes up to the top for the twist of fate, but Danielson bumps into the ropes, sending Hardy crashing to the mat. Both men slowly crawl to their corners. Hardy successfully tags in Dibiase, and... DANIELSON MAKES THE TAG! It is now Dibiase Jr and The Franchise. Shane unloads with punch's, dropkicks and clotheslines for the opposing team, before he lifts Dibiase up and... YES! He hit the Pittsburgh Plunge! 1-2-3, he gets the win!
WINNERS: Bryan Danielson, Rob Van Dam and Shane Douglas
Joey: Well, there you have it! The returning Shane Douglas gets the win for his team!
The three winners are in the center of the ring when, out of nowhere, Hardy jumps Danielson. Van Dam attempts to pull Hardy off, but is met by a low blow from.... SHANE DOUGLAS! Douglas lifts RVD up and hits him with the Franchiser before leaving the ring to a thick mass of boo's. Hardy hits the champ with the Twist of Fate, then grabs the title. He looks at it for a moment before throwing it down to Danielson and leaving the ring. The final shot of the night is RVD and Danielson laying on the ground, beaten.
Maven Huffman d. Zach Ryder
Victoria Varon d. Natalya Neidhart to retain the Womens Title
Shane Douglas, Rob Van Dam & Bryan Danielson d. Ted Dibiase Jr, Jeff Hardy & Christopher Daniels