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post #3188 of (permalink) Old 03-17-2010, 09:48 PM
Heel Turn on James Ellsworth
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Boston, MA
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KaijuFanís Stoned Reviews:
PWG Ė Speed of Sound

Alright guys, tonightís a good night. I just got laid for two hours and I smoked me a full bowl. Itís time to watch some PW G.

The Cutler Bros vs Johnny Goodtime and Brandon Gatson (Wolf Blitzer):
*** 1/2

YES! GOODTIME WITH THE POWER PAD! Gatson looks like the American Gladiator Wolf Blitzer, so I hearby dub him Wolf Blitzer throughout this review. Wolfie fucks up a bit but recovers points with amazing spots that made my pants tight. The Cutlers are the new Briscoes, you heard It here first.

Shane Haste vs Gary Fuckiní Coleman vs Charles Mercury vs Human Tornado:
*** 5/9

HOLY MOTHER OF SPOTS. I marked like a bitch. The ending was a great showcase of cool looking moves with no reason behind it other to win a match.

Kike Cabana vs Scott Lost:
*** 2/4

Losta good chain wrestling. While I prefer when Lost is in kill mode, itís quite refreshing to see him be somewhat lighthearted in this, and heís fighting Colt, how serious can he honestly be?

PWG Tag Titles:
Young Bucks © vs Joey ďI forgot what I was originally going to putĒ Ryan and his BFF, Karl Anderson
*** 4/9

Joey Ryan using the psychological warfare, calling the bucks "chickens" and mimicking a chicken, this is amazing. I always pictured Joey Ryan as a failed MLB player, who woulda thought I was right? Anderson is quickly becoming my favorite wrestler over the course of just one prematch introduction.
Good wrestling, Ryan and Anderson were the stars though, the bucks just hit their spots in the right time. The Bucks going really heelish just works perfectly.

Reseda Street Fight:
El Generico vs Sexy Chucky T

There comes a time in every reviewers life where he comes across a match he deems worth of the ever esteemed, five stars. However this reviewer has come across a match that no other reviewer would give it to. Does one risk losing credibility over the confession of a love for an overlooked match? Well, today is that day. To give a match five stars is to expose your view of what wrestling really is.

It should be funny, it should be serious, it should be a spotfest, it should tell me a story, it should be everything. And this match delivered in every way possible. The spots were intense, the comedy was hysterical and the story was beautifully written. What was the story? Two men fighting for the right for their tag team to get a title shot at the Bucks. Thatís simple, everyone understands it, and itís just logical. Why isnít there more of this?

Daniel Bryan vs THE Brian Kendrick:

Solid but any match would be hard to impress following the street fight.

PWG Title:
Chris Hero © vs Roderick Swarm:

Tipsy McDrinkLots. Thatís all I have to fucking say.

KaijuFan's Stoned Reviews:
ROH - Bound By Hate

Jerry Lynn vs Ol' DR:
** + *

Nothing offensive, short and fast. Wasn't anything other than acceptable if not, generic wrestling.

Delirious and Brodie Lee vs Kenny King and Rhett Titus:

Delirious got worked over forever, and when Brodie finally got the tag in they went to the count out sequence.

Roderick Swarm and Erick Stevens vs Go Shiozaki and Eddie Edwards:
** 1/2

Nothing much to say about this either other than Roderick and Stevens should have tagged much more often.

Dog Collar:
Jimmy Jacobs vs Austin Aries:

This had more blood than perhaps Slither. Amazing use of the chain, I thought Jimmy Jacobs turned into Red Skull from Captain America.

Grizzley Redwood vs Alex Payne:

This is the "Hurry the fuck up, intermission is over and the show is back on" match.

Daniel Bryan vs Tyler Black vs Kenny "My Favorite Stoned Wrestler" Omega:
*** 3/4

Innovative shit, and the ending just looked disgusssssting.

ROH World Title:
Nigel McGuinness (c) vs Necro Butcher:


ROH World Tag Titles:
Steenerico (c) vs The Briscoe Bros

A great match, I love how much these teams fueled their rivalry throughout their matches and not through just promos. Just little things like spitting in the face out of the blue adds a sense of realism and further suspends my belief.

That Young Pot Smoking Kid
R.I.P. Bison Smith

Originally Posted by Spartanlax View Post
Fuck ratings, enjoy wrestling.
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