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post #8 of (permalink) Old 12-10-2009, 05:51 PM
BkB Hulk
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Re: Melvisboy's WWE: The Comeback

RAW Feedback

Before I begin, I’ll just say that no, I’ve never seen any of your work, but after glancing at this I quite liked what I saw, so I figured I’d have a real read and give you some feedback. A few comments on your Survivor Series results are that I thought the booking to the Kingston/Orton team match was kind of weird, as Kingston had been the thorn in the side of Orton in their feud, so for Kingston to get help in winning and not pull off a great feat of being the sole survivor was surprising. However, I love how you put Swagger over big time. Big Swagger mark right here. Cena as champion is the right move too, imo.

Opening with a video package is always a good way to start, and I thought the commentators sold the significance of Survivor Series very well. However, I thought a little more could have gone into selling tonight’s show. Just a small thing.

Cena to open things up? Sounds good. After a big victory it’s natural for Cena to have something to say on the situation. Cena started off fine, sounding like his dorky self with his first few lines in which he sucks up to the fans and cracks a lamish joke. Cena putting over his victory was fine, and I liked that we got to see a more cocky side of Cena. Him calling himself the best of the best? I like it. Cena showing a bit of cockiness gives him an edge that I love. His portion of the promo was fine character-wise, although I was surprised Randy Orton was the man to interrupt. Isn’t he banned from getting another shot at the title until Cena drops it (and for good reason since they’ve had sooo many matches)? Orton was right on to begin with as his slow, deliberate self. Despite him losing last night, the excuses him gives leave him looking strong, and certainly in a position to demand a WWE Title shot, which is good booking on your part in a way (it works in this instance, though I’m still not huge on the implications it provides in the Kofi/Orton feud which is hopefully still going). Cena’s comeback was nice, as was Orton raging ... until Swagger comes out? Damn, I like the guy, but I don’t know about as a main eventer here. You’re going to have to do a good job to sell him as a main event on the ‘A show’. Swagger’s reasoning for thinking he deserves a title shot is good, and again, gives good reason to the way you booked Survivor Series. The little shot at Orton was nice too. Calling people idiots? Perhaps a bit lame, but I guess there’s a limit to what you can get away with in WWE PG. Swagger again put himself over well, while Orton being willing to wrestle Swagger because he doesn’t take him seriously gives Orton good reason not to be a chickenshit heel, although I don’t find the prospect of a heel vs. heel match too tantalising. Kofi running in seemed a bit random in this segment as it didn’t quite fit in, although it does continue his feud with Orton. Shane’s little reasoning as to why he was the new GM was nice, and while the Swagger vs. Orton match makes sense, like I said, I’m not a fan. Heel vs. heel isn’t a concept I like, as the crowd is likely to be left bored since they’re meant to like neither man. Either that, or it kills one man’s heat usually. Regardless, this was a pretty fine way to kick off the show with an impressive opening promo.

The person with the winning fall gets a title shot? What were to happen if Melina got the fall? Also, a small thing is that Maryse had been off TV for a long time at this point, so having her pop back up with an attack on the champion, rather than randomly in a match would have been better for her to give a real statement imo. @ the match being filled with poorly thrown punches. I’m surprised at how convincingly you had Maryse go over in this, as it’s not usually how a tag match goes down at all. A bit surprised we didn’t see Melina save the fall. Maryse continuing to look dominant after the match with the Double French Kiss is alright, although you can’t book a tag match until after Armageddon if it’s featuring Maryse to continue the psychology that she thinks she’s too good for anyone (which may be a problem in the ever lacking divas division). Right booking decision made here on the part of Maryse winning, since Maryse vs. Melina is definitely the best option.

Nice showing of intensity from Orton here, letting us in on the frustration he’s suffering at the hands of Kofi. Also a pretty good way to advertise a match for next week (despite it being another heel vs. heel :\).

Giving Jamie Noble mic time? Interesting. Don’t mind this, as I’m quite a fan of Noble. First of all, I find the description here to be fantastic. Noble looing apprehensive, Noble looking for anyone, any single person who is cheering for him, and Noble looking ‘exasperated, tired... old’ are all great ways to build reader sympathy right off the bat. The almost nervous beginning from Noble was good, as was the emotion following the video. Lines like “I try my hardest, y’know, I just wanna entertain...” are again, wonderful sympathy builders and very well used. Noble talking about his jobbing was also very good, as was the line about always starting in the ring. The crowd’s burgeoning sympathy for Noble by no longer saying ‘What?’ was also good, and the challenge to Sheamus and emotional end to the promo were also great. As a whole, this was a very good promo, making the best of what’s happened to Noble in a way to utilise his awesomeness. My only concern is that just two weeks after his career was almost ended, Noble’s giving out challenges, however, the promo itself was very good.

Nice showing of the cockiness of The Miz by having him cut off the awful Grisham practically before he can begin. Miz talking himself up was all well and good, although asking that be asked a question after saying he was going to talk about Armageddon (which he didn’t) was kind of odd. Bourne’s interjection here was very nice, with some solid stuff from Bourne to follow, slightly unexpectedly since he’s bland on the mic generally, with you making the best of him. Bourne pinning Miz last night also gives him ammunition for a match between the two, which was made well. Nice promo here.

MVP and Marky Mark were alright here, talking themselves up well and booking a tag match well ahead of time with nice logic behind it. Not sure about MVP calling Show a fat lump when he has Henry in the ring, but that’s just a small thing. Would have also liked a bit more of an introduction for Legacy, but at least there was some talk of them before they came out. MVP owning Legacy was a nice start, although Rhodes’ shot was a bit random, even if I did find the cheap heat funny. The ‘shut up and go rob someone’ also sounded a tad lame for my liking. @ DiBiase rolling Henry though. Awesome. While the match between Rhodes and MVP was set up alright, seems kind of weird that they can just sanction a match like that, and also that they’re all of a sudden meeting at Armageddon. When was it announced that they’d both be facing the tag champs, let alone at all? Not as good as your other in-ring segments thus far, this was kind of on the short side, and didn’t quite come out as naturally as the others.

Ehh, alright match, although MVP looked very weak at the end, without getting any real offense in, let alone a comeback before Rhodes picked up the win. The other thing that irked me a bit was the match time. Sure, both guys (especially Rhodes) are pretty talented, but you only have so long to work with (especially considering the amount of promos we’ve seen), and cutting off three minutes wouldn’t really hurt the match that much. I know fitting things to time isn’t a major thing in BTB, but I like when things fit myself.

The heel work from Swagger to start the interview off with was good here, although with Miz having practically done the same thing a few moments ago, it isn’t as impressive and probably wouldn’t be met with the same reaction, as people have already seen it. The serious aspect to this promo was pretty good, with Swagger talking up with why he’s a threat well. The statement that he wants to be WWE Champion was made with nice intent too. Pretty good interview here.

A small thing here, but I thought I should acknowledge the emphasis you’ve put into details such as commentary, entrances and even the announcing of Justin Roberts. I love that kind of attention to detail myself. Again, a comeback from Bourne, much like from MVP in the last match, would have been nice to see, and really, ‘Lito interfering at this point seems a bit random since last we saw of him, he was a heel, although he seems to be positioned as a face here. Again, the match time was probably a bit long too. Bourne getting the win here surely puts him in line with a title shot though, and it seems like you’ll fit ‘Lito in there too, somehow.

I know you were trying to show Chavo as a bit of a jobber here, but damn, this segment buried him even further than before. I hope to God that he wins next week because he is a talented wrestler, but the way you had Shane speak to him gives me great doubt. As for the Cena aspect of this, I’m glad to see you remembered WWE’s stips that I brought up earlier and that you bothered to address it with an explanation that’s fine. Good to see you caring enough to do so.

A serious DX? I thought I’d never see the day. Some of the charm in the gimmick is that they do muck around, and they are amusing at times, so I hope it’s not all serious, but it’s nice to see you giving DX some direction. Interesting to see that you’re really making the tag titles a big deal too. It’ll be interesting to see how you decide just who the challengers are. As for the match, well, DX looking good is a good way to give them some momentum following last night, and hiring The Highlanders to be jobbers gets no complaints from me. The brawl at the end, while seeming a little awkward thanks to bodies being everywhere, continues to build the tag situation.

Short but sweet here from Sheamus. I love that he thinks he needs to try harder to actually finish Noble once and for all, with this really setting the scene for a big midcard match next week. Looking forward to it.

Nice to see you really trying to put Swagger over in the opening sentence of the match, showing you know that he needs to be elevated to be truly seen as a main eventer. Like I’ve said in some prior matches, a bigger comeback would have been nice from Swagger, although you utilised the knee injury well here I guess. Kingston making his presence felt is a nice touch too as Orton looks for the RKO, only for a nice finish, with Swagger looking very clever, while Kofi and Orton continue their problems. Loved the psychology behind it. Nice way to finish with Kingston getting the last laugh on Randy too with the top rope Boom Drop.

To be honest, after first looking at this thread I didn’t expect much, as it didn’t look different to the thread’s that you see pop up oh so often here in BTB. However, after glancing at your show it looked worth a read, and I’ve got to say, this impressed me a lot. You’ve utilised a lot of the WWE storylines well and morphed a few in your own direction, as well as using your own Survivor Series results. A small thing was the match writing, which I’ve talked about above, although the promos were good throughout, and your angles seem to be heading in a good direction. As I said, impressive start to this thread. You’ve got a reader for sure.

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