Friday Night Smackdown; March 2nd; Las Vegas:
Highlights from last week, where Edge injured Bobby Lashley, putting the big man on the shelf for up to six months.
Michael Cole: The Thomas and Mack Centre is set to host what could well be the most significant edition of Friday Night Smackdown in the near ten year history of this show. We are in Las Vegas, the city that hosted WrestleMania 22, and tonight, one of our TWO main events will see a rematch from that very event, as The Undertaker will go one on one with one of the three men that will contest the WWE Championship match at WrestleMania 23 - Chris Jericho.
Tazz: I love being in Vegas baby. And Cole, I am pumped up for tonights show. Arn Anderson has raised the bar big time.
Michael Cole: And with sixteen days to go to WrestleMania 23, our other main event sees the other two men scheduled for the triple threat match, the match that originally we were set to see on March 18 until Chris Jericho fought his way into the equation. Tonight, The Rated ‘R’ Superstar, Edge, faces the WWE Champion, Rob Van Dam!!!
Tazz: It’ll be a preview of sorts Cole. Edge tonight, has a chance to prove to RVD that after all those months of waiting to cash in Money in the Bank, he really was just the champion in waiting.
Michael Cole: Well, Edge has claimed many times that HE has decided how long Rob Van Dam would be champion, and that HE would decide when the reign would end. But our double main event aside, tonight, amid huge controversy on Raw this past Monday night, THE BOSS, Mr. McMahon will be making a rare appearance tonight on Smackdown. And the reason for that?? STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN IS SET TO APPEAR!!!
Tazz: Oh boy, The Texas Rattlesnake is in Vegas!!!
Michael Cole: And tonight, Mr. McMahon will be looking for answers tonight. Will Steve Austin, as claimed by Brock Lesnar this past Monday, be in the Iron Mans corner, at WrestleMania, when he takes on Triple H, joined of course, by the McMahon Family Empire.
Tazz: They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, Cole. But whatever happens tonight will reverberate all over the world.
Michael Cole: And Tazz, it is time for our first of two main events. Mister Money in the Bank, Edge, has his opportunity to prove to Rob Van Dam, he has been, and still is, the WWE Champion in waiting.
Tazz: This oughta be off the hook my friend. Edge and Van Dam to kick us off tonight.
Edge makes his way to the ring, still carrying the Money in the Bank briefcase, his ticket to WrestleMania 23.
**ONE OF A KIND**
The fans come to their feet, as the WWE Champion, Rob Van Dam, enters the arena, looking to prove to Edge that he is the rightful champion.
Michael Cole: We are set to kick things off here partner, and has there ever been a bigger match to kick off Friday Night Smackdown.
Tazz: Oh, that’s an easy one. No.
1st Match: Non-Title Match:
Rob Van Dam vs. Edge
Huge disappointment, as Edge doesn’t look interested in wrestling tonight whatsoever, avoiding a lock up, just basically walking around the ring. He ducks under a couple of the signature RVD kicks, frustrating Van Dam … then slides under the bottom rope, and takes a walk around the ring, picking up his briefcase, waving the match off … and looks happy to get himself counted out!!!!!
Winner: Via Count Out - Rob Van Dam @ 01:09
Edge doesn’t even look back, leaving the arena, with a bewildered RVD looking on, shaking his head, having his arm raised in ‘victory’. The fans boo the decision, furious with such a kop out, getting the show off to a very unsatisfying start.
Michael Cole: What the hell is Edge playing at?? I thought tonight was about proving a point for Edge?? The only point he’s proved to me, is that he’s not as tough as he says he is.
Tazz: This is a huge disappointment to me Cole. I was pumped to see this one go down, but not like this. Edge has gotta have a big reason for walkin out of this one.
Michael Cole: And take a look at Rob Van Dam. The WWE Champion didn’t want to win this one like this. Edge has some explaining to do Tazz.
1ST TIME WRESTLEMANIA MOMENT - IV - FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, A ONE NIGHT TOURNAMENT IS HELD TO CROWN A NEW WWE CHAMPION. ON THIS NIGHT, MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE DEFEATS TED DIBIASE IN THE FINALS TO WIN HIS FIRST WWE CHAMPIONSHIP.
The VP then ends with the graphic for WRESTLEMANIA XXIII - MARCH 18TH 2007 - FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN NEW ORLEANS … AND YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST TIME.
We then cut to Josh Matthews, catching up with Edge.
Josh Mathews: Edge, can I get a quick word on why you walked out on your match with RVD moments ago.
Edge stops, and sneers at Josh, furious that the interviewer had the gall to question him over his actions.
Edge: Excuse me?? Am I getting this?? You, Josh Mathews, a nobody, one of lifes failures … is questioning my actions??
Edge smirks, pondering the gall of Josh to question him.
Edge: Y’know, WrestleMania is just over two weeks away. I’m THIS CLOSE to finally becoming WWE Champion. I’m not prepared to risk my health, and my safety by competing so close to WrestleMania …
The fans are heard in the background, booing the Rated ‘R’ Superstar.
Edge: After all, I wouldn’t want to wind up like Bobby Lashley did last week, and end up on the shelf for six months and out of WrestleMania.
Edge shows a cocky smile, as if he’s making out Lashleys injury was an accident last week, and not his handy work.
Edge: I made my point last week to Lashley. I don’t need to prove anything to RVD … not until WrestleMania anyway.
Now, he pulls up the briefcase, patting it.
Edge: This right here decides my destiny. This right here decides Rob Van Dams destiny … and yeah, Chris Jericho too.
Edge gets worked up now, with a wild eyed look in his eyes.
Edge: Tonight’s result doesn’t matter Josh. All that matters is that I become W-W-E Champion … at Wrestle … Maniaaaaa!!!
Edge storms off, leaving Mathews to ponder.
Elsewhere, we cut to the parking lot, as a black stretch limo pulls up, outside the arena. The driver steps out, and walks to the back, opening the door … AND MISTER MCMAHON STEPS OUT!!!
McMahon, still sporting the ridiculous wig, buttons up his jacket, but looks far from confident or relaxed, as he walks on, moving towards the building, as he prepares for a face to face showdown with Steve Austin, later tonight.
Michael Cole: And Tazz, the boss … has arrived.
Tazz: Business has just picked up Cole. The Chairman is in Vegas.
Michael Cole: And we will hear from Mister McMahon later tonight once The Rattlesnake arrives, to make his first appearance in the WWE since last April. Nearly twelve months have passed since Stone Cold Steve Austin has been in a WWE ring. But Tazz, going back to Edge. We just heard our broadcast colleague, Josh Mathews, catching up with the Rated ‘R’ Superstar, and it appears Tazz, that Edge is looking to keep himself fresh for WrestleMania.
Tazz: As disappointing as it was to see Edge walk out on Van Dam, I gotta admit, I can see where he’s comin from. He’s got the biggest match of his career in less than three weeks, and he doesn’t want to go into it anything less than at peak physical condition.
Michael Cole: Well, let’s hope that Chris Jericho doesn’t have the same idea on his mind later tonight, when he takes on The Undertaker in a WrestleMania 22 rematch. But one man, as Edge alluded to earlier, will not be at WrestleMania. In fact, Bobby Lashley wont be on our screens for up to six months, after Edge brutally assaulted the Real Deal last week on Smackdown.
Tazz: Tough break for Lashley. That kid has shown a heck of a lot of upside in his rookie year. He went near six months without a loss, and he has rubbed shoulders with the top stars on Friday Nights.
Michael Cole: A fractured ankle, severe concussion, and brain trauma all suffered last week at the hands of the Rated ‘R’ Superstar.
Tazz: Edge said last week he’d make a statement, and he did just that. In my opinion though, he crossed the line.
We return with Shad and JTG in the ring, waiting for their opponents…
The WWE Tag Team Champions enter the arena to a vociferous response from the fans, giving the much hated champions the heat they crave.
Michael Cole: We are just sixteen days away from WrestleMania 23, and in New Orleans, these two men, Chris Harris and James Storm will defend their titles, against the recently reunited Hardy Brothers. Can Matt & Jeff roll back the years and upstage AMW at WrestleMania??
Tazz: Oh man, I am pumped to see those two teams collide at the Showcase of the Immortals Cole. Tonight though, AMW are gonna give the Hardys a big indication of what they have in store for them in sixteen days time.
2nd Match: Non-Title Match:
Americas Most Wanted vs. Cryme Tyme
As with the Hardy Boys match last week, this one is just a vehicle to make the champions look strong. Cryme Tyme, who have been mainly used on Velocity (and are very close to a release) get little offence in, as Harris and Storm send a message to their WrestleMania challengers, who we see occasionally watching on a monitor backstage. After a brief comeback from Cryme Tyme, AMW take back control, and finish off Shad in style, with the Death Sentence, getting an elementary, 1...2...3!!!
Winners: Americas Most Wanted @ 04:43
Again, we see Matt & Jeff watching backstage, as AMW have their arms raised in victory, gaining a run of the mill win, holding the titles up high, and getting a good close up in the camera, with Harris and Storm bad mouthing the Hardy Boys, as we cut to ringside.
Michael Cole: Tazz, in recent weeks, the focus has seemingly been on the reunited Hardy Boys, but here tonight, AMW just reminded everyone that THEY are the tag team champions, and Matt & Jeff will need to be at their very best to beat them on March 18.
Tazz: Absolutely Cole, and that’s what I love about this match. That’s what I love about the prospect of the Hardy Boys takin on AMW. It’s gonna be two team on top of their games, and may the best of ‘em win.
Michael Cole: Well, that’s to come in just over two weeks, but for tonight, I still cant believe it Tazz, two major happenings here in Vegas tonight. First, it’s a WrestleMania 22 rematch, with The Undertaker facing Chris Jericho, and later, the first appearance of the Texas Rattlesnake since April of last year, as he meets Mister McMahon, face to face, tonight. Will Stone Cold confirm that he will be in the corner of Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania, when he faces off against Triple H … joined by the McMahon Family Empire??
Tazz: Very special feel in Vegas tonight Cole. And let’s not forget, the United States Champion, Brent Albright, has challenged Batista, to an arm wrestling match, tonight!!
Michael Cole: I don’t know what Albright is thinking about challenging The Animal to an arm wrestling match. Asking for punishment is you ask me, Tazz.
We cut now to the backstage area, as Mister McMahon pours himself a cup of coffee. He is stopped though, by Kid Kash, who begins to pour the coffee for him.
Kid Kash: Ya shouldn’t have to be gettin your own coffee sir. I’ll get it for ya.
McMahon remains unmoved by Kash and his sucking up.
Kid Kash: I’m actually really glad you’re here sir, because there were a couple a things I was hopin to talk to ya about.
Vince raises an eyebrow, as if to say ‘Oh really?’
Kid Kash: Y’see, I’ve got a little problem over here at tha minute with Arn Anderson.
Kash looks around, making sure Anderson isn’t around to hear him. Vince looks at the Cruiserweight champion, not particularly interested, but nods, as if to indicate ‘go on’.
Kid Kash: The ‘ol mans got me wrestlin every single week, and if I lose ta’night?? I’m gonna be STRIPPED of ma belt!!! Surely, you can do somethin’ about that??
The chairman ponders for a moment, and takes a sip of his coffee, curling his lip at the taste of it, then looks at the cup, then Kash, unimpressed by the coffee making skills of the Cruiserweight champion.
Mr. McMahon: What did you put in this coffee??
Kash gets set to respond, but McMahon stops him.
Mr. McMahon: It doesn’t really matter. Uh, okay. You’ve got a problem with the General Manager of this show putting you in matches every week. Is that right??
The Cruiserweight Champions nods, smiling as he does, thinking The Boss is thinking the same as him. He’s wrong.
Mr. McMahon: Okay. You have an issue with wrestling every week. I have a perfect solution. If you don’t want to wrestle, that’s fine … we can terminate your contract tonight. If y-
Kash instantly interjects, with fear for losing his job.
Kid Kash: No, no, no, no, no. I aint got any problems with wrestlin ta’night.
Kash scoffs at the thought of not wrestling, waving that suggestion off, and putting his hand on Vinces shoulder. Vince takes a long look at the hand, with Kash quickly pulling it away, getting the message.
Kid Kash: Imma jus be on ma way sir. If you need anything, you be sure to call on Kid Kash. You need any back up to face Austin ta’night, I’m your man.
Kash nods at his boss, then salutes, and quickly shuffles off, with Vince in no mood for any ass kissing tonight.
Mr. McMahon: I’ll keep that in mind.
Vince throws the cup of coffee into the bin, and begins to pour himself another cup, as we fade out.
Back into the arena…
**I AM SUPER … I AM CRAZY … I AM SUPER CRAZY**
Super Crazy, the former Cruiserweight champion, enters the arena, with the chance to go to WrestleMania in the balance.
Michael Cole: Kid Kash’s plan to worm his way out of this match seemed to backfire Tazz, and now, he finds himself in a tough spot. It’s a must win scenario for the Cruiserweight champion tonight, if he loses, he must relinquish the title tonight.
Tazz: I cant say I agree with that, but Kash did get himself into this position Cole. If he loses tonight, he’s really only got himself to blame.
Michael Cole: We’re set to find out who Brian Kendrick will face on March 18, when we come back from this commercial break.
3rd Match: NON-TITLE MATCH:
- IF SUPER CRAZY WINS; HE MEETS BRIAN KENDRICK AT WRESTLEMANIA AND KID KASH MUST RELINQUISH THE TITLE
- IF KASH WINS; HE MEETS BRIAN KENDRICK AT WRESTLEMANIA
Kid Kash vs. Super Crazy
It’s another strong cruiserweight match up, with Kash a desperate man, knowing he needs to win tonight in order to keep the title. Crazy causes him all kinds of problems in the early going, with Kash seemingly buckling under the pressure, but he soon comes back, thanks to Crazy trying an audacious moonsault to the champion on the outside that goes wrong. Kash takes over, and scores numerous near falls, but cant put Super Crazy away.
Crazy then builds up his steam again, with the champion on the back foot again, with his championship now in the balance, as Crazy delivers a terrific Tornado DDT … and sets up for his triple moonsault … but at the last moment … KASH GETS HIS KNEES UP!!! Slowly, both men get back to their feet, and Kash ducks under a clothesline attempt … then catches the Mexican with a kick to the gut … and follows up … DEAD LEVEL!!!!! He hooks the leg … 1...2...3!!!
Winner: Kid Kash (Now defends championship against Brian Kendrick at WrestleMania) @ 07:22
Kash has a huge look of relief etched on his face, safe in the knowledge that he will keep his title, although he now must defend it at WrestleMania, against the man that beat him last week - Brian Kendrick.
Michael Cole: Crisis averted for tonight Tazz. Kid Kash has survived the challenge of Super Crazy, but Tazz, he now must defend the title at WrestleMania in sixteen days against Brian Kendrick.
Tazz: Oh boy, that one is gonna be a treat, I promise ya that. Brian Kendrick has never been the Cruiserweight champ, and at WrestleMania he’s got the ultimate opportunity to make his mark on the biggest of stages.
Michael Cole: And lets not forget, Kendrick has a victory over Kash, just last week to earn his shot in New Orleans. How much will that loss play into the mind of the champion??
Tazz: Sure, that’s gotta be playing over and over in the head of the Cruiserweight champ, but you ask any athlete Cole, you learn more through a defeat than you do through a victory. Kash will have learnt a heck of a lot about Kendrick from their meeting last week. He’ll be confident … as he always is.
Michael Cole: Ladies and Gentlemen, we’re moving on quickly here, up next … it’s a WrestleMania 22 rematch. Chris Jericho, versus The Undertaker. And if you missed it first time around, here is what you missed.
~WRESTLEMANIA 22 ~ JERICHO VS UNDERTAKER ~ HIGHLIGHTS ~
JERICHO THROWS DUST INTO THE EYES OF THE UNDERTAKER!!!! Jericho jump starts the match, and Taker staggers around, blinded by the dust, and walks directly into Jericho, and a STANDING ENZIGURI!!!! An excited Jericho scrambles for a cover, to end the undefeated streak in record time…
……TAKER KICKS OUT……
Jericho quickly gets up again, waiting for Taker to get up, and as soon as he does, Jericho slides under him, grabbing the tights, rolling him up into a school boy, with a handful of tights, 1...2...Taker pushes out again!!! Y2J doesn’t stop though, and again is quickly up, watching Taker get to his feet, and as soon as he does, Jericho is in on him again, this time surprising him with an inside cradle, 1...2...Taker escapes out of the cradle!!!
Jericho walks directly into the path of Taker, who scoops Jericho up, and charges with him across the ring, dropping him with snake eyes into the top turnbuckle. Taker sprints into the ropes, and runs back off, looking to nail a big boot onto a weary Jericho, but Y2J has the boot scouted, and ducks under, with Taker catching his leg on the top rope, crotching himself in the process!!! Jericho sees an opening, and runs in from behind, rolling Taker up again, looking to once again secure a surprise win, 1...2...TAKER SCRAMBLES A SHOUDLER UP!!!!
Taker reaches his feet, with Y2J walking directly into the path of his opponent, and Taker grabs Jericho by the throat … CHOKESLAM … NO!!!! Jericho shifts his weight, and drops behind Taker, getting a victory roll, looking to catch Taker by surprise yet again … 1...2...TAKER FREES HIMSELF ONCE AGAIN!!!
Jericho now walks around the ring, and eventually drops down, reaching under, and grabs something, which it appears he stashed earlier, knowing where to go to find it. He pulls out a little brown bag, and unfastens it, taking out … HANDCUFFS??? AND HANDCUFFS THE DEADMAN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE RING POST!!! Jericho laughs, and waves at Taker, before rolling back inside, as the referee, who somehow doesn’t see the cuffs, being a moron, and continues to count Taker out. 4 … 5 … Taker frantically tries to pull himself free of the cuffs, with his unbeaten record at Wrestle Mania now on the brink of being broken … 6 … 7 … Taker continues to struggle, as Jericho now cockily hoists himself onto the top rope, and lies across, getting heat from the fans … 8 … TAKER YANKS THE CUFFS OFF!!!!! … 9 … Taker quickly scrambles back into the ring, just about saving his record at Wrestle Mania.
Jericho delivers the reverse DDT!!!! The MGM goes nuts for the reversal, despite Jericho being a heel, and Y2J follows up with the cover, but puts his feet on the ropes for leverage, in a desperate attempt to beat The Undertaker, 1...2...TAKER KICKS OUT ONCE AGAIN!!!! And again, Jerichos attempts to win have been thwarted. Now, Y2J appears to be frustrated, and Jericho slams his hands onto the mat four times, getting his anger out.
Taker stands tall, and looks around, before raising his hand into the air, signalling for the choke slam. Jericho looks totally unaware, and gets to his feet, walking directly into the path of Taker, who grabs him by the throat … CHOKESLAM CONNECTS!!!!! Taker drops to his knees, and has the lateral press on Jericho…
The Deadman looks around, and raises his fist into the air, as he drags Jericho back up, with the Last Ride now seemingly the next intention. The Phenom pulls Jericho in between his legs, and takes another look around at the rabid audience, before pulling Jericho up, into the air for the Last Ride … BUT TAKER COLLAPSES!!!! Taker falls down, and looks to be out!!! Jericho lands awkwardly too, as the fans look in in a hush silence, wondering what has happened. Jericho though, makes the most of the opportunity, and crawls towards The Deadman, and we see a replay of the incident from another angle … WITH JERICHO NAILING TAKER WITH BRASS KNUCKS!!!! As the answer is revealed for Takers demise, Jericho eventually drops an arm over the torso for a career altering victory …
…FOOT ON THE ROPE…
Jericho gets back up, and pulls the knucks back out his tights, right in front of the referee, with the referee immediately getting in his way, but Jericho takes the knucks, and throws them to the other side of the ring, with the referee chasing after them. Jericho now quickly goes to the corner, and pulls the padding from the top turnbuckle, using the knucks as a way to distract the official. Jericho pulls the padding away, and throws rights at Taker as The Phenom struggles back to his feet, getting Taker into position, and delivers the BREAKDOWN!!!! …
……HE WONT STAY DOWN……
Jericho picks up the pace again, and runs into the ropes, coming back off, and scores with bulldog!!! Jericho doesn’t hesitate for a second in getting back up, and leaps to the middle rope, NAILING THE LIONSAULT ONTO TAKER!!!! Is this enough to end the match?? Jericho drops back down onto Taker, hooking the leg …
The Deadman pushes Jericho back, into the corner, before grabbing the arm, and whips Chris Jericho across the ring, into the opposite corner - WITH THE EXPOSED TURNBUCKLE!!! Jerichos expression tells the story of the pain shooting through his body from the impact, and Taker charges in for a corner splash - BUT JERICHO MOVES!!!! The Deadman splashes into the exposed turnbuckle, and bounces back out, into the path of Jericho, who takes Taker down by the legs, turns him over … WALLS OF JERICHO!!!! Taker claws again, nearing the ropes, and pushes out once more, reaching out for the ropes - BUT DOESN’T REACH!!!! The arena now roars, with the Deadman now on the verge of tapping. Taker digs deep for one last push … and claws … and reaches out … GRABBING THE BOTTOM ROPE!!!!
Just before the referee could reach five for a DQ, Taker breaks the submission with Jericho flung into the ropes. Both men are slow to get to their feet, but as they do, Taker comes towards Jericho at speed … BUT JERICHO SCORES WITH THE STANDING ENZIGURI AGAIN!!!! Y2J looks set to cover … but changes his mind. Jericho smiles, and points to his feet, slapping his hands twice, as if to say Taker will kick out, and points o the ropes, running, jumping to the middle rope, LIONSAULT … BUT TAKER SITS UP … JERICHO EATS CANVAS!!!!! The MGM is on its feet, as Taker gets up, making the cut throat taunt, eyes rolled back into his head, and watches Jericho stagger into his path now, scooping him up … TOMBSTONE!!!!! Taker crosses Jerichos arms across his chest and pins, with his tongue out, eyes rolled back again…
Back into the arena…WRESTLEMANIA COUNTDOWN - 16 DAYS TO GO
**BREAK THE WALLS DOWN**
Chris Jericho, looking fired up, and raring to go, steps into the arena, getting a mostly negative response, as he makes his way down the ramp, calmly and assured, a complete contrast to WrestleMania 22.
Michael Cole: Well Tazz, Chris Jericho is out to prove a point tonight. Many have called him unworthy of a title shot at WrestleMania despite his efforts in recent weeks. If he were to score a decisive win over The Undertaker here tonight, there could be no doubt about Jerichos credentials.
Tazz: I don’t understand what the problem is Cole. Jericho has beaten Edge to earn his way into the WWE Championship match at WrestleMania. He didn’t lose to RVD at SuperBrawl, so in my book, he’s more than worthy of his shot in The Big Easy.
Michael Cole: Well, there will be nothing easy about tonight’s match. Despite his recent problems with Kurt Angle, you can expect nothing other than vintage Undertaker tonight. And we’ll get it, when we come back from this quick commercial break.
We return with The Undertaker making a long, slow entrance, boring the life out of the TV audience, but giving the fans in the Thomas and Mack centre a terrific rush.
Michael Cole: In less than three weeks time, The Undertaker will put his greatest title on the line at WrestleMania. It’s not a championship, it’s not an accolade, it’s the most prestigious record in wrestling history - the legendary streak of fourteen and oh at WrestleMania.
Tazz: But don’t mention it to Kurt Angle. The Olympic Gold Medallist is refusing to acknowledge the streak. He’s refusing to acknowledge WrestleMania at all this year. His one and only goal is to beat the Undertaker on March 18, as he puts it, “In a match, in a ring, in front of an audience”. As far as Angle is concerned WrestleMania don’t exist.
Michael Cole: Well, we are just moments away from Chris Jericho having an opportunity of redemption at avenging that WrestleMania 22 loss. What a setting we have here, and what an honour it is to call it.
The Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho
The two men engage in an awesome exchange, reliving the feud of 2006 with a fantastic match tonight. Taker has the better of the early going, but Jericho is equal to him, and slowly makes his mark on the match, wearing The Phenom down, and going to work on the ground, trying to keep Taker on the mat. Jericho tries to work on the back and spine of his bigger opponent, looking to weaken him for the Walls of Jericho, but The Deadman doesn’t allow that to last for too long, fighting back himself, rocking Jericho with his soup bones.
But as he goes for a big boot, Jericho ducks, and Taker gets caught at the top rope, falling over, and onto the apron. Y2J waits, as Undertaker pulls himself back up, then delivers his trademark springboard dropkick, sending Taker off the apron, and onto the floor below!!! Jericho is the aggressor on the outside, but The Deadman turns the tide completely, reversing a whip into the steps, sending Jericho crashing through them instead, as we go into a commercial, with The Phenom standing ominously over his opponent.
We then return for the top of the second hour, with Taker still in charge following the steel step spot, as he now takes his adversary to the outside again, but this time, Jericho turns the tables, and rams his opponent into the barricade, then into the ring post, back first, looking to go back to work on that section of The Undertakers body. Back inside, Jericho goes to work again, with knees and elbows to the spine, sending Taker into the corners for more pressure on the back, and drops him into the ropes, hitting him with his knees, driving them into his back again.
Jericho now looks to set up for the Walls of Jericho, but the Undertaker avoids the submission, fighting back to a vertical base, starting off a chain reaction on a comeback, running through his signature spots, with a running DDT for a near fall, before weakening Jericho with the Old School, then the apron leg drop, which gets another near fall. The Deadman then signals for the Chokeslam, but as he sets Y2J up for it, Jericho kicks him away, then tackles him down … AND APPLIES THE WALLS OF JERICHO!!!
The Undertaker is caught in the middle of the ring, with the hold fully applied, after a lot of early work on the back now coming to fruition for Jericho. Y2J leans back, with his opponent struggling to reach the ropes … but after a long time in clawing his way towards them … TAKER GETS HIS HAND ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!!! Jericho just about releases the hold before the five count, incensed that Taker didn’t tap, but goes back to work on the back. He whips Taker off the ropes, BUT THE PHENOM BOUNCES BACK OUT WITH A FLYING CLOTHESLINE!!! Taker is back up, and hoists Jericho up, looking for the Tombstone … BUT JERICHO SLIPS OUT … BREAKDOWN!!! Jericho hooks the leg, with Taker out, 1...2...SHOULDER COMES UP!!!
The fans in Vegas show their appreciation, but Jericho is even more frustrated at being unable to put The Deadman away. Jericho now sets himself for a bulldog, but as he goes for it, Taker ducks, and waits as Jericho turns around … THEN CATCHES HIM BY THE THROAT … CHOKESLAM!!! He hooks the leg now, 1...2...JERICHO KICKS OUT!!! The match takes another stunning twist, with a shocking kick out, with The Phenom getting back to his feet, and dragging Jericho up, now looking for the Last Ride, but as he pulls Y2J up, Jericho pushes all his weight forward, and Taker falls backward, into a pinning position for Jericho, 1...2...BUT TAKER STILL KICKS OUT!!!
Jericho slowly gets to his feet, and puts Taker back down, finally executing the bulldog, and now goes for the Lionsault … BUT THE UNDERTAKER SITS UP AND JERICHO MISSES!!! The fans roar in approval, as The Deadman gets to his feet, signalling for another Chokeslam … BUT THE LIGHTS GO OUT!!! More mind games from Kurt Angle??? The lights come back on … and The Deadman is now pacing around, arms up, ready to fight … BUT ANGLE IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN!!! Taker then comes after Jericho again, and ducks a clothesline from Y2J, kicks him in the gut … THEN LOOKS FOR THE LAST RIDE … BUT JERICHO COUNTERS IN MID AIR … WITH THE CODEBREAKER!!! Jericho hooks the leg tightly, 1...2...3!!!!!
Winner: Chris Jericho @ 21:18
Huge upset is recorded!!! Jericho scores a MASSIVE win to further enhance himself, as a huge threat to the WWE Championship at WrestleMania. He is thrilled in victory, but quickly leaves the ring, as The Undertaker slowly begins to stir.
Michael Cole: It is redemption for Jericho. A huge, morale boosting victory for Chris Jericho, as his momentum continues to build for WrestleMania 23. He has come back to Vegas, and he has defeated The Undertaker!!!
Tazz: But what was the deal with the lights Cole?? Seemed to me like The Deadman was pretty convinced Kurt Angle was behind it, but Angle was nowhere to be seen.
Michael Cole: It could well be more mind games from Angle, just like last week, as Angle continues to switch the tables on The Phenom. And if it was, it’s worked.
The Deadman begins to reach his feet, and as he does … THE LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN …
The lights come back … AND KURT ANGLE IS IN THE RING … as Taker grabs him by the throat … then realises it isn’t Angle … it’s his brother again!!! Taker this time, doesn’t spare him, like he did last week, and goes for a Chokeslam … BUT THE REAL KURT ANGLE SLIDES IN FROM BEHIND … AND DELIVERS THE ANGLE SLAM!!!
Kurt Angle takes The Deadman down, then thinks about the ankle, taking a long, hard look at the body part, then decides to mount Taker instead, getting in the face of The Phenom, and yelling in his face “I COULD TAKE YOU OUT RIGHT HERE … RIGHT NOW … BUT I’M GOING TO SPARE YOU”
Angle sneers in Takers face, then gets up, raising his arms in victory, having gotten another one over The Undertaker tonight, as the pressure mounts on The Phenom with his streak seemingly in grave danger as WrestleMania fast approaches.
Michael Cole: Tazz, I have never seen The Undertaker in this type of position ever before. Kurt Angle has The Undertaker double guessing everything at the moment. If it was in doubt before, I don’t believe there is a question over it now - Kurt Angle is in the Undertakers head.
Tazz: And how many guys Cole, how many guys have you ever seen, telling The Undertaker ‘I’m going to spare you for now’. Aint too many walkin around these halls that could say that my friend. Kurt Angle is loaded with confidence right now. He’s convinced that he’s gonna beat The Deadman come March 18 in New Orleans.
Michael Cole: One thing is for sure though Tazz, there will be hell to pay for Kurt Angle. If you ask me, he made a mistake tonight, because no one does what he did to The Undertaker tonight and gets away with it. Angle may regret NOT taking out The Deadman tonight.
Backstage, Maria is standing by with Paul London
Maria: Paul London, there are only sixteen days until you take part in the eight man Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania. You must be excited??
Maria points the mic into the direction of London, with London smiling.
Paul London: Maria, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. I’ve been close to the WWE Championship before, but if I can grab that briefcase … then it’s as good as done. If I can climb the ladder at WrestleMania, Maria … then I’m positive I can climb the ladder … and become WWE Champion!!!
The fans pop in the background momentarily, then M.V.P walks into the picture, smirking.
M.V.P: Sorry Paul … but you winning Money in the Bank?? It’s not in my script. In fact it’s not in any script. Because this isn’t some … fairytale.
M.V.P: You’ve had chances to win big matches Paulie … and you’ve blew ‘em. So step aside shortbread … and live with the fact that Money in the Bank, will be walking away … (Points at himself) with Money in the Bank.
Porter turns around … and straight into Carlito.
Carlito: You winning Money in the Bank?? Das not gonna happen. And calling yourself Money in da Bank?? How long did it take you think that one up??
M.V.P smirks, chewing his gum, then holds his hands up in innocence.
M.V.P: Don’t hate the playa … I’m only tellin the way it is. I’m Money in the Bank, because I’m STILL undefeated on Smackdown … (points at London) and I’m better than him … and after last week … I KNOW I’m better … than … you.
Porter smiles, trying to rile Carlito.
M.V.P: And tonight, I’ll bring Charlie Haas for the ride, when I beat BOTH you, and him, to prove, once and for all why I’m the highest paid superstar on Smackdown … and again, why I’m better … than you.
Porter slinks off, looking pleased with himself. Carlito and London stand next to each other, both shaking their heads, watching Porter walking off.
Paul London: You know what?? He’s not cool.
Carlito nods, then catches on, and looks at London, who is smiling.
London smiles, then pats Carlito on the back.
Paul London: Sorry, couldn’t resist man.
London walks off, leaving just Carlito and Maria. Carlito takes a bite from his apple, and starts chewing.
Carlito: Das not cool.
Carlito takes off, walking in the opposite direction, leaving Maria to stand alone, as we fade out.
The same video package plays from Raw, announcing JIM ROSS as the next inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame, Class of 2007.
Michael Cole: Congratulations to J.R, and without a doubt there are very few that could be deemed worthier of a place in the WWE Hall of Fame.
Tazz: Quite possibly the greatest announcer of all time Cole. J.R in the Hall of Fame … good job J.R, congratulations.
Michael Cole: And Good ‘Ol J.R will join The Immortal Hulk Hogan, The Hitman Bret Hart, Sensational Sherri and Iron Mike Tyson in this years Hall of Fame. What a class it is, and we’ll be on hand for the induction ceremony on March 17.
**KEEP THE PEACE**
The United States Champion steps out to a general heel response. He’s dressed for a match, with his wrestling tights on, but is wearing a WrestleMania 23 t-shirt, with sleeves off, showing off his muscles to the camera as we get set for the arm wrestling match that he proposed last week.
Michael Cole: Here he is Tazz, the reigning and soon to be defending United States Champion, Brent Albright. What though, could be going through the mind of this man, having the audacity to challenge Batista to an arm wrestling match tonight in Vegas??
Tazz: He’s takin a huge gamble Cole. Pretty appropriate if you ask me, saying as we’re comin from Vegas tonight. Brave man right there, with the intestinal fortitude to challenge a man that out weighs him by fifty pounds, and bases the majority of his game around his significant size, strength and power.
In the ring, Albright stretches his arms, getting ready for Batista to enter…
**I WALK ALONE**
The Thomas and Mack Centre comes to it’s feet, in adulation for The Animal, who isn’t dressed for competition, but rather a work out at the gym, with jogging bottoms, and a tank top, but still sunglasses.
Michael Cole: You are looking at the man who will attempt to dethrone Brent Albright at WrestleMania. The Animal has been on a quest for the last two and a half months to capture his first major singles gold, and his focus has been purely on that United States Championship that hangs around the waist of Albright.
Tazz: Batista is one bad dude. Brent Albright better have a good reason for putting himself in this predicament tonight, but I cant see one.
Batista steps inside the ring, and salutes his fans, whilst Brent watches on, still shaking himself loose for the contest.
The music dies down, and Nick Patrick brings both men to the centre, where the arm wrestling table set up awaits.
The two men stare across at each other, with Albright looking a little over-confident, whilst Batista appears to be amused with the attitude of the U.S Champion.
The two men start to limber up, and the fans get a little excited. Both men now begin to slowly set themselves up, and get set to lock their arms for the contest … but Albright pulls away.
Batista doesn’t look entirely surprised, expecting some chicken shit tactics from the champion. Albright backs up, and asks for a mic, getting it from Chimel.
Brent Albright: Whoa, hold it just a second Davey.
Heat from the fans, as Albright catches the attention of The Animal.
Brent Albright: I’m glad you made it out here, honestly. But Dave, I think we got our lines crossed last week.
More heat, but Brent puts his hand up to protest.
Brent Albright: Yes, I DID challenge you to an arm wrestling match tonight … but I didn’t say it was against me.
Batista smiles, shaking his head at Albrights ‘explanation’. The fans also give Brent some heat, but he holds his hand up to try and calm them.
Brent Albright: All I said … was that I’d show you that muscles don’t mean strength. All I said … was that I’d show you I had the strength… but I meant a strong mind.
Heat from the audience, as Albright smiles.
Brent Albright: So, yeah … I did challenge you to an arm wrestling contest … but I’m not crazy enough to throw myself in there … I found someone else to do it for me instead.
Albright looks to the entrance …
No music plays … BUT VISCERA, the former WWE employee, and massive man mountain, struggles with his size down the aisle, as Batista shakes his head, angry that Albright has pulled out.
Albright meanwhile, has a huge smile on his face, having gotten the edge over Batista, as Viscera bundles into the ring. The oddity, with the strange blue eye contacts, is greeted by Albright, as Batista takes a mic.
Batista: You think I’m scared?? C’mon, I’m sick of wasting time here. Get your ass to the table, and let’s do this.
Huge pop for the no nonsense Batista. He pounds the table, and looks at Viscera, who starts to walk towards him, as Big Dave speaks again.
Batista: And don’t be thinking I’ve forgotten about you Albright. I’m gonna crush him, then I’m comin for you.
Brent looks a little worried by the last comment, as Batista shoves the mic down, and limbers up for the contest against Big Vis.
The two men lock their hands together, with Nick Patrick holding them, then slowly pulls away, AND THE CONTEST HAS BEGUN!!!
The two men pull and yank at one another, trying to get the upper hand, but Batista struggles early on with Big Vis just too big for him, and overpowering the #1 Contender for the U.S Title. The Animal winces, using everything he’s got to keep his hand up, as Viscera piles on the pressure … BUT BATISTA COME BACK!!! The Animal turns over the pressure, and turns the tide of the contest, with Viscera now on the brink of defeat, with Albright tearing his hair out, yelling at Viscera to ‘FIGHT BACK’ … and he does!!!
Viscera comes back, as the two arms are locked again, dead centre, with both men now agonizing, putting everything they’ve got into it. Vis looks to be getting the advantage again … BUT SUDDENLY BATISTA FINDS A SURGE … AND SLAMS VISCERAS ARM OFF THE TABLE!!!
The fans go nuts, as Batista overpowers the 500 pound mastodon!!! The Animal celebrates his phenomenal victory and massive show of his strength, but not for long … AS ALBRIGHT ATTACKS HIM FROM BEHIND!!!
The United States Champion blasts Batista with the title belt, sending The Animal falling into the ropes, then the corner, with Albright laying the shots in, pounding his challenger in the corner, getting in his cheap shots. Brent drags Batista up in the corner … BUT BATISTA FIGHTS BACK!!! Batista fights his way out of danger in the corner, then sends Albright off the ropes … and looks for a spine buster … BUT VISCERA BLIND SIDES THE ANIMAL!!!
Big Vis helps Albright, with Brent going back to work on Batista, pounding him down in the centre of the ring, with Vis adding a few boots. Albright stands off for a second, waiting for Batista to struggle up … AND BLASTS HIM WITH THE TITLE BELT!!!
Albright uses so much ferocity on the shot he falls over too, with The Animal flat out on the canvas. The champion pulls himself up, and instructs Viscera with a simple nod and a point of the finger. Viscera knows the signal, and hit’s the ropes, coming back off … WITH A FAT BASTARD SPLASH!!!
Viscera, being totally out of shape, struggles back up, with Albright standing over Batista, emotionless, having gotten one over on his challenger tonight … using his strongest muscle … his penis when erect-, no, umm, his brain.
Return to ringside, as ‘The Saints Are Comin’ plays over the PA…
Michael Cole: Little over two weeks remain now, until the Granddaddy of ‘em all, WrestleMania twenty three is closing in Tazz, and the Smackdown main event is set to create history, along with New Orleans, hosting the showcase of the immortals for the first time ever, with the first ever WWE Championship triple threat match in WrestleMania history.
Tazz: Damn straight. Smackdown is changing Friday Nights, and we’re shaking up WrestleMania too, RVD faces two challengers for his title - Mister Money in the Bank, Edge, and The Highlight of the Night, Chris Jericho. History will be made, and it promises to be an explosive match up. No advantage for the champion though, and that puts Van Dam in a tight spot.
Michael Cole: And then from Raw, another first time ever - just announced this past Monday, Triple Jeopardy, as the Intercontinental Championship, Womens Championship and the World Tag Team Titles will all be decided under one fall, as MNM- Mercury, Nitro and Melina, team with Mr. Kennedy to take on Straight Edge, Rey Mysterio and Alexis Laree. Winner takes all!!!
Tazz: Three championships contested in just one vital pinfall. Gonna be some broken hearts come March 18 Cole, because one team is gonna be goin home, with just one person to blame for losing.
Michael Cole: Kid Kash, having came through his final test tonight, now goes to WrestleMania to defend his highly coveted Cruiserweight title against Brian Kendrick. Kendrick has never held the Cruiserweight title, but he gets his big opportunity in just over two weeks time, and what a chance it is for him to finally win the gold at the biggest of ‘em all!!!
Tazz: Absolutely. And Cole, don’t forget, Kendrick also has a pinfall victory over the champ, which must be playing on Kash’s mind.
Michael Cole: Two of the most successful teams in WWE history, will do battle for the WWE Tag Team Titles, as the recently reformed Hardys, will challenge the jugger naught known as AMW.
Tazz: I’ve been sayin it for weeks Cole, this one right here has the potential to steal the show. Two of the greatest tandems in the history of this company are gonna hook up at the Granddaddy, and I cant wait to see them deliver.
Michael Cole: Then, it’s the biggest match that will NEVER happen at WrestleMania. Non-Sanctioned, Mick Foley, the Hardcore Legend, goes one on one with Shawn Michaels. This one is gonna be a classic.
Tazz: Mick Foley has lost it Cole, no doubt about it. That speech he gave on Raw was just downright scary and unsettling. The Showstopper will get to prove once again why they call him Mister WrestleMania, while Mick Foley will look to battle his own demons, and steal the show on the grandest stage.
Michael Cole: And how about the return Tazz, of Money in the Bank. The eight men have been decided; Umaga, Finlay, Randy Orton and Shelton Benjamin from Raw, and from Smackdown; M.V.P, Paul London, Charlie Haas and Carlito.
Tazz: One of those eight men will come out of The Big Easy with a big black briefcase, and a title shot, whenever they want it, for twelve months. Will they wait the whole year like Edge?? Whose to know. That’s the beauty of holding that title shot.
Michael Cole: Triple H, joined by The McMahon Family Empire, will face, for the first time ever, Brock Lesnar. And last Monday, Lesnar claimed that Steve Austin, the Texas Rattlesnake, would be in his corner in New Orleans. Tonight, we will find out from the horses mouth if that is true.
Tazz: Indeed, Mister McMahon is in the building, and we’re expecting Stone Cold at any moment too. Five years in the making for Lesnar and The Game, and no matter what Austin is to do tonight, this match goes ahead in just over two weeks, no doubt about it.
Michael Cole: Moments ago, Brent Albright outsmarted The Animal, backing out of the arm wrestling contest, replacing himself with the 500 pound Viscera, and then proceeded to beat down his challenger for the United States Title, with help from Big Vis. He got the better of Batista tonight, but can Albright do it when the title is on the line.
Tazz: You may not like how he goes about his business Cole, but Albright has a method to his madness, and it’s always resulted in him keeping the U.S Title. No doubt in my mind that this is all part of his master plan to keep the title once again come WrestleMania.
Michael Cole: Then, it’s the Raw main event. THE main event at WrestleMania, with the two biggest names in the WWE today facing off for the richest prize on Raw, the World Heavyweight Championship. The Champ, John Cena defends, against the winner of the 2007 Royal Rumble, Captain Charisma, Christian.
Tazz: Two will walk the aisle in the Superdome, and one will leave, World Champion. I’m damned if I can pick a winner. Huge main event, worthy of WrestleMania.
Michael Cole: And finally, the streak is on the line. The Undertaker, puts his undefeated record on the line at WrestleMania against the Wrestling Machine, Kurt Angle. Is Angle the man to end the streak??
Tazz: Angle don’t give a rats ass about the streak Cole. He’s said it for weeks partner, this year, WrestleMania aint gonna happen. Two guys in a ring, in an arena, and he’s there to break his opponents ankle.
Michael Cole: It promises to be one of the most memorable WrestleManias in history, and it’ll come from the sold out New Orleans Superdome for the first time ever on March 18. Over 70,000 fans will be in attendance, and you can join the experience on PPV.
Paul London & Carlito vs. M.V.P & Charlie Haas
Excellent tag team encounter, featuring the four men set for the Money in the Bank ladder match from Smackdown at WrestleMania. The fans are into it, and all four men put on a great showing, with all four capable in the ring. Both sides are on the same page, with no real tension between either partner, and the only real feud brewing, is the one between Porter and Carlito.
As the match wears on, the heel side take over, with Haas and M.V.P taking the high flying Paul London off his feet, and beating him down. The fans build themselves up, and get behind London, who finally stirs, and fights out of a Camel Clutch at the hands on Porter, nailing him with a dropsault, then looks for a tag … as does M.V.P … AND BOTH MEN TAG OUT TO THEIR PARTNERS!!!
Carlito arrives, all guns blazing, ducking under a clothesline from Haas, and getting straight to Porter delivering a terrific Back Cracker!!! He then takes over on Haas, and scores a near fall with a double springboard cross body, then a moonsault, only for Haas to kick out again!!! Carlito now sets up for the Apple Core, but M.V.P stops him, and looks for the Play of the Day … BUT LONDON CHUCKS HAAS TOWARDS HIM … and the move is broken, with Porter falling through the ropes to the outside, as Haas staggers into the path of CCC - APPLE CORE CONNECTS!!! He hooks the leg, 1...2...3!!!
Winner: Carlito & Paul London @ 08:12
Carlito makes up for his loss last week, picking up the win tonight, after some solid teamwork between he and London. The two winners share a handshake, and have their arms raised in victory, whilst M.V.P storms off in a sulk, furious with Haas for the loss, whilst Charlie slowly rolls out of the ring, leaving Carlito and London to share the spotlight for their win tonight.
We return, with Edge packing up his stuff, getting ready to leave. Soon though, a shadow appears, and it looks like someone is standing over the Rated ‘R’ Superstar. Edge looks up, and the camera pans … to ARN ANDERSON.
Arn Anderson: I’m not gonna hold ya back son, don’t ya worry bout that.
Edge stands up, and flings his bag over his shoulder, looking at the GM, waiting for him to speak.
Arn Anderson: You didn’t really think I’d just let ya swan off after the stunt ya pulled earlier, did ya??
Edge shakes his head, getting red with fury.
Edge: I don’t need this Arn. I didn’t need that match tonight. I’ve got my focus on WrestleMania, and WrestleMania only. You should be thinkin the same … boss.
Anderson shakes his head, disagreeing with Edge.
Arn Anderson: That’s not my style. I’m the General Manager of Smackdown, and I like to think when I promise our fans something, I’ma deliver.
Edge starts to seethe with rage, half expecting where this is going.
Arn Anderson: So next week, we’ll try it again, shall we?? You and RVD, one on one.
The fans pop in the background, with Edge showing a smile through his anger.
Edge: And what’s to stop me from doing the exact same thing next week??
Arn smiles, and wags his finger at Edge.
Arn Anderson: Glad ya asked. I expected you might think of walking out again, so I’ve seen to it that it’s A LUMBERJACK match next week, right here on Smackdown.
The fans pop again, as Arn trots off, whilst Edge looks ready to boil over. He lets out some of his pent up aggression, throwing his bag against the wall, before walking around, tugging at his hair, as we fade out.
Back to ringside…
Michael Cole: Tazz, it appears that it is time for Mister McMahon, but before we talk about the Chairman, how about that bombshell, just delivered by our General Manager, Arn Anderson, Edge will face RVD once again next week, only this time, Edge CANT walk out, because the ring will be surrounded by the Smackdown roster - a lumberjack match next week on Smackdown!!!
Tazz: Oh boy, that is huge Cole. Big time main event, and I’m glad that our General Manager saw fit to put those two back in the ring after tonight’s major disappointment.
Michael Cole: That’s next week Tazz in Texas, but right now, we are awaiting another Texan, The Texas Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin, is set to make his first appearance since last April on wwe television. Will he confirm to Mr. McMahon that indeed, he will back up Brock Lesnar in sixteen days time at WrestleMania.
Mr. McMahon steps out, onto the stage, garnering a huge heel reception, taking in the response, before walking down the aisle, like only he can.
Michael Cole: Ladies and Gentlemen, please join us, when we come back, as Mister McMahon calls out Stone Cold Steve Austin. Will Austin be in Brock Lesnars corner at WrestleMania??
We return, with Vince ready to speak.
Mr. McMahon: Thank you ladies and gentlemen for your great hospitality.
Heat from the fans. Vince takes a moment, and fixes the buttons on his jacket, before speaking again.
Mr. McMahon: Now tonight, I’m here in Vegas for one sole reason.
The fans cheer over Vince, stopping him mid flow, as an ‘AUSTIN’ chant booms around the arena. Vince looks a little angered by the response, not enjoying being shouted over.
Mr. McMahon: As I was saying … I’m here tonight, for one reason, and one reason only. Last Monday night, Brock Lesnar dropped a bombshell-
More cheers from the fans, drowning out Vince. McMahon stops for a moment, then lets his anger out.
Mr. McMahon: If I could finish my sentence??
Heat from the fans, whilst Vince readies himself to continue.
Mr. McMahon: Now, Brock Lesnar, decided to announce to the world that at WrestleMania on March eighteen, he’ll have back up in his corner…
More cheers from the fans, at the hint toward Austin.
Mr. McMahon: And that man he referred to … STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!!!
Massive pop from the fans, with the mention of Austin.
Mr. McMahon: Big news, right?? But unfortunately, something doesn’t connect for me. First and foremost … why would Steve Austin agree to be in the corner of a man he despises??
Boos from the fans, as Vince stirs the pot.
Mr. McMahon: Lets not forget, Stone Cold and Brock Lesnar beat the hell out of each other just two years ago at WrestleMania 21 … I should know … I was the special guest referee.
More heat from the fans for Vince.
Mr. McMahon: That’s why I’m here tonight. I don’t want to wait until WrestleMania to find out if Lesnar has Austin in his corner. I’ve invited Stone Cold to Smackdown tonight …
Massive pop from the fans. Meanwhile though, Vince holds his hand up, as if to say he’s not finished yet.
Mr. McMahon: But … he hasn’t shown up.
Heat as that announcement echoes around the arena.
Mr. McMahon: Now, I’ve heard a lot of rumours over the last few days … Steve Austin has gained a hundred and fifty pounds, he’s turned into a recluse … and spends his days in Texas, d-
The Thomas and Mack Centre EXPLODES as the biggest superstar of all time finally appears, driving into the arena in his pick up truck!!!
The fans are on their feet, whilst Vince looks gob smacked, having convinced himself that Austin wasn’t going to show!!!
The Rattlesnake stops the vehicle right at the edge of the ring, and waits for a few moments … AND EXIT’S THE VEHICLE TO A HUGE OVATION!!!
Austin takes in the enormous reception, with a wry smile on his face, as he steps up onto the roof of the vehicle, throwing his arms up to the fans, before making his way down, and into the ring.
Austin takes to each corner, saluting each section of the fans, with the arena rocking with an incredible ovation for Austin. Stone Cold drops down, and each time, blanks Vince, who just stands in the middle of the ring, in shock by the sight he is seeing. Eventually, Austin finishes up his entrance, and the music dies down, but the fans have not, and an ‘AUSTIN’ chant reverberates around the arena.
Austin and McMahon stare across the ring at one another, as Austin turns, taking a mic from Chimel. He turns around, and gets set to speak, but stops, with the adulation of the fans too loud for him to talk over.
Stone Cold takes a few more moments to allow the fans to die down, then puts the mic to his mouth.
Steve Austin: I’m sorry I’m a bit late …
Austin pulls out a bunch of chips from his pocket, and chucks them into the crowd.
Steve Austin: But I was just down the road at the MGM Grand on the slot machines … then I played some poker …
Small ‘WHAT’. Austin looks up, with a wry smile, and decides to play along.
Steve Austin: … Blackjack …
Steve Austin: … Craps …
Steve Austin: … had a few beers …
Steve Austin: … shot of Tequila …
Steve Austin: … two shots of tequila …
Steve Austin: … a bottle of tequila!!!
‘WHAT’, followed by cheers.
Steve Austin: And I washed it down with some more beer.
Small ‘WHAT’, drowned out by cheers.
Steve Austin: But now, here I am, in this very ring, looking at this little rat bastard Vince McMahon.
Heat for Vince.
Steve Austin: You’ve been out here flappin your gums, running your mouth, talking about Stone Cold this, Stone Cold that … and it makes me sick.
Austin points at Vince threateningly. He then starts to talk again, bobbing his head, in a whiny voice, mocking Vince.
Steve Austin: Austin’s put on a hundred pounds … he’s sittin in Texas drinkin all day and all night …
Stone Cold then turns his attention back to Vince, serious again.
Steve Austin: You’re damn right I’ve been drinkin … but does THIS look a hundred pounds heavier??
Austin points to his beer belly.
Steve Austin: This is a beer belly … and I’m damn well proud of it.
Vince nods, trying to keep Austin on-side.
Steve Austin: Now … I’m standing here … face to face … man to man, and you cant bring yourself to say the same bunch of crap you were spewin a few minutes ago.
McMahon slowly shrugs, looking increasingly uncomfortable.
Steve Austin: Those big grapefruits?? I don’t see ‘em son. All I see is a rabbit caught in the headlights, frozen stiff … with his beady little eyes locked on Stone Cold … and those sure as hell aren’t grapefruits … they’re more like sun dried tomatoes.
The fans pop, as Austin takes a walk around the ring, resting on the ropes, soaking up the fans admiration. Soon though, he turns his attention back to The Boss.
Steve Austin: LOOK AT YA!!! Out here in your shiny loafers, fancy suit, pretty tie …
Austin now looks up at the wig of Vince, and has a look of disgust, pointing at the hairpiece.
Steve Austin: Is that supposed to be some kinda joke??
Vince looks wide eyed, as Austin fixes his glare on the wig.
Steve Austin: What the hell is that??
Vince struggles, unable to muster a word, holding onto his hair piece, making sure it doesn’t move. Austin meanwhile, moves in closer.
Steve Austin: Are you trying to insult Stone Cold??
Austin moves closer to Vince, with the boss backing off, into the corner.
Steve Austin: Are you ashamed that you’re bald?? Is that what it is??
Vince struggles to shake his head, trying to beg off Austin.
Steve Austin: You’re out here acting high and mighty, out here parading your fake piece of crap on your head, you make me sick.
Cheers for the ever popular Rattlesnake.
Steve Austin: If you honestly think I’m just gonna stand here and talk to ya while you wear that on your head … EH EH!!!
McMahon cowers in the corner, as Austin now puts his hand on Vince’s shoulder, then looks to the crowd.
Steve Austin: If you want Vince McMahon to take off his hairpiece and talk to Stone Cold with his big bald head … GIMME A HELL YEAH!!!
Austin smiles, then looks at Vince, who gulps … BEFORE AUSTIN RIPS THE WIG OFF HIS HEAD!!!
The fans go nuts, as Vince closes his eyes in embarrassment, showing off his head, but the hair seems to be growing back quickly.
You are, with-out a-doubt, one bald, ugly sum bitch!!!
The fans pop again, as Austin drops the toupee, and stomps a mudhole into it, before picking it up, and hurling it into the crowd, starting to frenzy for the souvenir in the audience.
Austin now turns his attention back to Vince, who is standing in the corner, looking really odd as a baldy.
Now, you did bring Stone Cold to Vegas for a reason, didn’t ya??
Vince nods slowly, looking extremely uneasy, having to conduct business without his wig. He slowly brings the mic to his mouth, but gets cut off by Austin.
Stone Cold sends the fans into raptures again, as the ever increasingly disheartened and emasculated Vince puts his head down.
Before we get down to business, I’m feeling thirsty … somebody gimme a damn beer!!!
Pop from the fans, as Austin is thrown two beers from the timekeepers table, catching them in the ring. The Rattlesnake then opens both cans, and chugs to a massive response, whilst Vince watches on solemnly.
Austin polishes off both cans, and crushes them, throwing them out of the ring, before turning his attention back to Vince.
Now, where were we??
Vince gets set to speak up again, but once more, Austin cuts in first!!!
Don’t you say a word. You don’t need to say a single thing Vince.
Vince looks glumly again, putting his head down to the side, totally owned by Austin tonight.
You wanna know if Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna be in Brock Lesnars corner at WrestleMania 23?? Am I right??
Vince pulls the mic up to answer, but Austin rips it away.
Are you deaf?? Didn’t you hear Stone Cold tell ya to shut your meely mouth?? If Stone Cold asks you a question son, you can simply nod your head for yes, or shake it from left to right for no … do you understand??
Angry, Vince sighs, then nods.
That’s better … now, let’s start again … you’ve got me here to find out if I’m gonna be in Brock Lesnars corner at WrestleMania twenty three … am I right??
Vince, highly embarrassed, takes a moment, then nods.
Well, the answer to that is pretty simple … OH HELLLLL … no.
Mixed response for Austin this time, as Vince perks up.
If you honestly think Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna show up in New Orleans on March 18, and stand in that rat bastards corner, you’re more stupid than ya look.
Vince actually starts to smile now, as Austin continues.
After all the crap I’ve put up with from Brock Lesnar in the past, I’d sooner open a can of whoop ass on him than stand in his corner, like a glorified cheerleader, cheerin the little sumbitch on.
Pop for Austins wisecrack.
Seems to me son, that Brock Lesnar has been playin with your mind … and you had him down as a big dumb son of a bitch.
Austin laughs, but Vince doesn’t see the funny side.
He aint as stupid as you look.
Austin reaches over, and pats Vinces shaven head, with a big grin on his face. Vince though, pushes the hand away, having had enough of the embarrassment tonight. Austins smile drops, and he looks Vince dead in the eyes.
Don’t touch me … I don’t like it when ya put your mits on me.
Vince scowls, then rips the mic from Austin, getting in his face.
I’ve put up with enough from you Austin. I’ve heard enough, I don’t need to take this crap. I came for what I wanted. Screw you Austin … see ya in hell.
Vince turns, and looks to leave the ring, but Austin stops him, grabbing his arm.
Don’t you dare leave. Don’t ya take one more step son. I aint done talkin to ya yet.
The fans pop, as Austin gets serious. Vince slowly gets back inside, with Austin staring a hole through him.
Ya didn’t let me finish my point. That’s rude son … and it makes Stone Cold Steve Austin angry.
Vince gulps again, as Austin continues.
You disrespect Stone Cold again … I’ll be sending ya into next week.
Now, as I was saying, I’m not gonna second Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania … but you can bet your ass I WILL be in New Orleans on March 18.
Big pop from the fans.
And sayin as you’ve been so gracious to Good ‘ol Stone Cold tonight, I’m gonna be concentrating on the match between Triple H and Brock Lesnar.
The fans pop, as Austin again puts his hand on McMahons shoulder.
And I’ll be making sure you and your family stay in order.
McMahons face drops, as Austin looks him dead in the eye.
Because you are looking at the law … you’re looking at your special guest enforcer!!!
HUGE pop. Vince shakes his head in disbelief, as Austin nods. Austin then backs up for a moment … THEN KICKS VINCE IN THE GUT … STUNNER!!!
The Vegas fans go ape shit, as Austin flips Vince the bird, getting back to his feet, grabbing the mic, and looking down on McMahon.
AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE…
CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!!!
Austins music hits again, as the Thomas and Mack Centre goes wild, with Vince laid out, with his bald head exposed, as Austin calls for beers, ending the show on a hugely familiar note, taking to the turnbuckles, chugging beer, with Cole and Tazz barely audible, unable to speak over the frenzied fans, as we go off the air amidst carnage!!!
END OF SHOW
Official Card for WWE Wrestle Mania XXIII:
Date: 18th March 2007
Location: Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Event Music: U2 & Green Day; The Saints are Coming & Killers; Sams Town
World Heavyweight Championship Match:
World Heavyweight Champion, John Cena vs.
2007 Royal Rumble Winner, Christian
WWE Championship; Triple Threat Match:
WWE Champion, Rob Van Dam vs.
Mr. Money in the Bank, Edge vs.
‘Highlight of the Night’ Chris Jericho
WWE Tag Team Championships Match;
Americas Most Wanted vs. The Hardy Boys
One Fall; Triple Jeopardy Match:
Intercontinental, World Tag Team & Womens Championships all on the line:
Rey Mysterio, CM Punk. Gregory Helms & Alexis Laree vs. Mr. Kennedy, Mercury, Nitro & Melina
Cruiserweight Championship Match:
Kid Kash vs. Brian Kendrick
United States Championship Match:
Brent Albright vs. Batista
Money in the Bank Ladder Match:
WINNER HAS AUTOMATIC TITLE SHOT ANYTIME IN NEXT 12 MONTHS
M.V.P vs. Umaga vs. Paul London vs. Finlay vs. Carlito vs. Randy Orton vs. Charlie Haas vs. Shelton Benjamin
FIRST TIME EVER:
!!FIVE YEARS IN THE MAKING!!
Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar
With The McMahon Family Empire in the corner of Triple H, and ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin as special guest enforcer.
The Irresistible Force vs. The Immovable Object:
Kurt Angle vs. The Undertaker
Non Sanctioned Match:
Mick Foley vs. Shawn Michaels
Hall of Fame Ceremony 2007;
Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, Sensational Sherri, Jim Ross, Mike Tyson (Celebrity Wing)
Match banners; Rocker & TKOW
WM Banner; Crazian
MITB Gif; Legends supplier