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Old 11-13-2008, 07:10 PM   #1386 (permalink)
Legend
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Default Re: 2007 & Beyond - It Ain't Over Yet, Motherfuckers

LEGEND OWNS -- THIS SUMMERSLAM REVIEW


Uh, OMG, Tully Blanchard on commentary. A regular occurrence please.

10-Man Tag Team Match:
I guess it really is the best choice of opener in the long-run. The only other two would’ve been the U.S & IC title matches, but we all know how unpopular your decision to have JBL open a PPV at WM was {} and Daniels/Hardy has been pushed stronger than a curtain-jerker. Pretty bog-standard affair in the opening with the awesomeness that is Jamie ‘OWNS’ Noble getting himself into all kinds of shit with Rey { @ that slap} before we eventually get all settled down to the way things should be. Nice to see Punk actually taking the lead, so to speak, for his team, and wanting a piece of ole’ Billy Regal. Their feud is actually quite sweet now; more than just your standard rookie/veteran shenanigans. Poor ole’ Chavito becoming the sacrificial lamb. This is basically either setting up the usual big face comeback win or somehow the heels stop the big comeback in the eleventh hour with a dirty tactic to steal it. Love your descriptions of The Alpha Male’s bizarre antics. Bigger push plz. Thank the lord you’re keeping Henry & Kane out of this for the majority, because when Henry did eventually come in he just slowed this thing RIIIIIGHT down. C’mon, Mark. Gotta love T-Lo at ringside though. JIVIN’. Just thinking about it, Finlay has done bugger all really too, except for a few right hands when he came in earlier. This is the first time you’ve written a match with The New Breed in it in full, and I have to say your description of both Burke ‘N’ Brown make it seem like you are quite high on them {a contrast to their jobberdom thus far on SD}. TAM especially, has looked like quite the monster I must say. Uh oh @ Regal going to the trunks. Unless he’s horny, that can only mean one thing. Watch out, Punkster. NIIIIIICE spots from Mysterio, Chavo & Kane to put 8 of the 10 down & out. Love him or hate him, The Big WHITE Machine is always good for that spot. GAB repeat? NO, Punk actually catches Bill by surprise this time & gets a HUUUUUGE win for himself. Wow, I certainly wasn’t expecting Punk to get the pin, and certainly wasn’t expecting Regal to take the pin. Evens their score quite nicely though, what with Punk winning on SD, Regal winning at ‘Bash, and now Punk getting one here. Nice. Pretty good match. Probably needed a bit more Kane/Henry interaction, as, let’s face it, that’s what the people pay to see, but they would’ve killed the speed of this match/opener, so I’ll let that slide. They’ll meet down the line I’m sure. Fine choice of opener. ***

More of Big Dave’s anger management issues I see. God, I can’t wait to see how this night turns out for The Animal.

John ‘INTERVIEW GAAAAWD’ Layfield. Still, new IC Champ would be nice.


Intercontinental Championship Match:
Showtime for my boy Charlie Haas here. It’s sad that I consider a win in your thread as big as a win for him in real life Love JBL’s antics at the start of the contest, pretending to be fair & all before just slapping the taste out of Chaz. Story = established. Haas must prove himself worthy of being in the same ring as a former WWE Champion. Similar to RVD/Michaels I’d imagine, though with slightly less glorious counters I’d imagine. LMAO @ Bradshaw using Angelina as a human shield. Why in God’s name would any valets ever stick with that prick. Nice to see Haas showing why he is slightly different to Kurt Angle {not just a mini-me} by showing off his great athleticism & high-flying ability with the Suicide Dive & CrossBody etc. Other than Layfield’s usual stream of brutal, ugly offence, Haas has pretty much dominated so far. Love the DDT counter to the Last Call, kind of similar to Guerrero’s to the F-5 or HBK’s to the F-U I’d imagine. Haas is looking fairly monstrous though with these suplexes. JBL is not a small man and Charlie’s thrown him around like a rag doll with an Exploder, a belly-to-belly, FOUR Germans, with no real emphasis. Haas isn’t that big, so if you’re pushing him as so strong, you should probably allude to the fact that JBL is nearly as heavy as someone as Kane. Gives Haas a hell of a lot of credibility. Big contrast between the opening & closing stages of the match that really reminded me of Carlito/JBL from WM. Slow, methodical, almost boring to begin with, but once we head into the finishing straight with the young face really upping the pace, in comes the counter wrestling and Bradshaw is forced to use at least some of his wrestling ability. Oh dear, when JBL taps out and still survives, you know it’s not going to be a night for the face. At least with that Charlie might be able to wangle himself a rematch down the line, or at least continue his push with at least some semblance of credibility intact. Thought maybe you’d fooled me when Layfield fucked up and stiffed Williams by mistake, but alas it wasn’t to be. Nice way to end the contest too with Haas’ youthful impatience getting the better of him, giving up on the third German, hits the ropes and ends up eating a Clothesline From Hell instead. Nice to see JBL winning clean for once, though all the shitty tactics and Ms. Williams’ interference would suggest otherwise. Hopefully this is just the start of great things for The Haas Man, as you always seem to have a greater plan when it comes to him. Nice applause for hi afterward. Getting over? I hope so. Good showing. ***

AAAAAND suddenly Rock is face again.

Sweet interview from Naitch. Batista sounds unbeatable, Batista sounds unstoppable, so … he’s going to lose.


Money In The Bank Contract On The Line:
Surprised to see this match up so early on the card, considering the way it’s been pushed. Has me wondering if this won’t be the last we’ll be seeing of Mr. Money in the Bank {whoever he may be} on this night. I know straight up that this isn’t going to be pretty, but this match is really all about story, and a hell of a story at that. Man, Dave really is pissed about his situation isn’t he? He didn’t even find Flair’s handshake/hair stroke funny! ‘Tista’s a robot, seriously. If you replace Shawn Michaels’ speed with Batista’s power, the opening stages of this contest were pretty similar to THE MATCH from WM XXIV, with Flair being bested in the opening stages, but not feeling that his opponent/friend is fully into it and trying to shake that out of him. I can see these cheap moves/thumb to the eyes coming back to bite Naitch in the ass if they only serve to piss the beast off. “IT’S PAY PER VIEW, BIG MAN!” It’s really quite eerie how nervous this match is making me, simply waiting for Big Dave to lose his mind and kill Flair at any moment. You’re doing quite a spiffing job building it up, even for a ‘Tista Mark like myself; I fear for Flair. See what I did there? “Oh, Goddamn it!!” Naitch is hilarious even in pain, as Batista softens up the only part of the body he knows how: THE BACK~ Slams, ring apron, and the shitty bearhug all setting Naitch up for the big face comeback to prevent the dreaded Demon Bomb. Wow, I think that Cross Body was actually Flair’s first real offence in this match, as everything else has been all rakes & thumbs to the eyes, and CHOPS~ Awesome spot with Dave just rolling through CENA-ESQUE with Flair in his arms. That would get the big “oh fuck” reaction from everyone. Sweet counters from Naitch though, knowing his student too well, and VINTAGE {Michael ‘OWNS’ Cole} the ‘accidental’ head butt to the nuts. Had to get the Figure Four in eventually. If Flair is to get the win it won’t be via submission. The day you make David Batista tap out is the day hell freezes over The nit-picker in me would say “lame leg selling, Dave, you were just in the Figure Four & now you’re hitting the Spear” but the logical thinker in me realises that even with a bad leg, if you’re 6”6, 300lbs, you can manage a five yard spring even at half the pace and still make it seem as though you’re a goddamn freight train. This ain’t looking good for Flair at all, as the Spinebuster rears its awesome head, but SHADES OF ANGLE FROM LAST YEAR -- not to be. I guess it really was just too much to ask, Batista is just too monstrous. SPINEBUSTER. BAM. DEMON BOMB. BLAM! We’ve got ourselves a new Mr. Money in the Bank. Had to happen I guess if you wanted to keep Big Dave as THE MAN in this thread {which you obviously, uh, do}. Relief on the face of Batista afterward? Maybe because he didn’t have to hurt Flair … too much. We get the customary embrace and I thought maybe that was that, but then you give us this line: “The two stars then leave the ring and head back up the ramp … Batista shaking his head in disgust.” What the hell could that possibly mean? Is this night not over for the saga of Ric Flair & Dave Batista? I’m … excited. Like I said at the start, the story is really what makes this match, and it was good, despite the match being nothing special. I fully expect a rematch though down the line. Good effort … ***1/2

Weird tension between Haas & CC. Not sure what that’s there for unless one or more of them get drafted soon. Oh, and Helms is such an awesome prick.

Smart. Bringing up HBK’s quite frankly incredible record at SummerSlams. Also knocked off Big Van ‘OWNS’ Vader, which is always something to brag about. Lost to Hogan though


Summer Games Gauntlet Match:
Here we go. This is probably the first match {Flair/Batista is all story for me} that I’ve really been looking forward to. No real surprises to see Morrison & Doane up first as a way of continuing their little feud. I expect THE PHENOM~ {serious WTF?} to get the duke here as revenge for, uh, Vengeance, but it’s not going so well for him in the opening stage as Morrison is getting in all of his big MOVES~ Break dance leg drop, that AWESOME Springboard Enziguiri etc. But he fucks up royally when it comes to the Corkscrew Split-Leg. Oh, so you aren’t going the Wolfy route with this gauntlet then? Getting the falls over pretty quickly? Fair enough. Kenny’s comeback lasted all the time it takes to hit a Powerslam, but the sexy of sexiness Melina screws him badly and Morrison hits the awesomely named Moonlight Drive for the win. Well, this was not an impressive outing for young Ken Doane. Looked like quite the jobber tonight unfortunately. Who’s next? …
Oh hey, Carlito :O Everyone knows I like this guy now. Glad to see a different pace to this fall with Morrison actually taking it to ‘Lito straight away to avoid the fatigue factor. Going after the mid-section of CCC? That could come back to haunt Caribbean Cool if he advance. Oh SNAP, love the reversal from the last fall with Melina actually dicking things up for her man-chum this time and getting stiffed in the face in the process. That’s Angelina AND Melina who’ve been nailed so far tonight, if Alison Danger & Lita end up getting hit too, I’m seriously calling the woman’s welfare office on you Mr. Mac. So Johnny Boy falls victim to a Back Stabber and a pretty beat up ‘Lito advances, but Morrison did have quite a tasty showing. Intercontinental title push I’d imagine … …
PORTER~ Here’s a guy I truly think has everything a guy needs to be World Champion. This Jesus push you’re giving him doesn’t even bother me. AND I’M A REALISM BUFF!!! Love the way you’re portraying Big Lu as some bad ass kind of UFC/Boxing coach. He suits that role quite well. Build on his character plz at the same you do Montel’s. I knew that mid-section would come back to bite Carly in the ass as ‘VP & Lu are really laying into him. Good stuff. We actually get some of ‘Lito’s good ole’ fashioned SPEED as he makes a comeback. Pretty stupid to hit a Moonsault when you’ve got banged up ribs though, eh? More interference results in an elimination, as Carlito knocks down Reigns {I think I would to be honest, the guy didn’t shut up throughout. Luther ‘OWNS’ Reigns} and ends up getting the PLAYAS BOOT & Playmaker. It would’ve been quite nice had Montel slightly modified his boot to hit ‘Lito in the ribs maybe, but it was still a decent finish. I wonder if we’ll ever get a clean finish in this Gauntlet. Will Big Lu/Playgirls still out here & Armando Estrada still to come, I doubt it. “Yes, we do. And that’s not good news for Mr. Porter.” You said it, Tully … … …
Oh man, Angle IS ON FUCKING FIRE from the get-go, just owning ‘VP all over the place with Suplexes straight away. Such a class heel Porter, wanting a little time out. NO WAY, MONTEL GERMANS ANGLE~ I guess, much like his qualifying match with RVD, you really want to push Mr. Porter as genuine World title calibre wrestler who can hang with the big boys. Suits me. He’s awesome. Didn’t last long though, as Angle gets right back on Porter, putting him down with the OLYMPIC SLAM … … … ESTRADA??? What the hell??? This ain’t looking good for Kurt at all. Reigns wears a suit??!! Oh, he’s doubly awesome. Please go into lengthy descriptions of all of his & Montel’s OUTFITZ~ every show. No way, no way, NO WAY!!! MVP JUST ELIMINATED ANGLE!!! Holy shit, where’d that come from???!!! What’s Umaga doing? He’s just killed Kurt … … … no … … … you’re kidding me? MVP WINS THE GAUNTLET VIA COUNT OUT!!! Jesus Christ, you just complete OWNED my predictions. A 4-month rookie in this thread is now #1 Contender? Where did this come from. Judging from Porter’s reactions he wasn’t in cahoots with Estrada, so why would AAE & ‘Mags do this? Surely not just do screw Angle? They had a World Title shot in the palm of their hands, what were they thinking. This has got to be part of some greater scheme, and not just to set up Umaga/Angle at Unforgiven. Maybe Coach has already guaranteed Umaga a title shot. God, I don’t know. All I know is that ‘VP’s reaction after he was classic, and that really unpredictable added a lot to what was heading towards being a predictable & fairly dull contest. Well saved, son. ***1/2

I think maybe we need a rundown of what PPVs you’re doing this year. Last year we had Bad Blood instead of Cyber Sunday right?

Angle = Psycho. Can’t wait for his inevitable WAR with Umaga.



United States Championship Match:
I’m expecting this contest to rival the opener & JBL/Haas for shortness, but also for it to be the fastest paced contest until we get to our good ole’ WWE Tag division a bit later. Glad to see that you haven’t abandoned psychology or story like people I know (~____~) as it would’ve been just utterly ridiculous had Matt come out looking to wrestle The Fallen Angel rather than rip his fucking head off. Looks like Daniels got a little bit stunned by this onslaught I guess; for such a calculating, emotionless sociopath, it’s probably hard for him to understand such an emotional attack like Hardy’s. You know it’s PPV when Matt Hardy hits a PLANCHA~ LMAO, make that 3-out of-3 for valets getting stiffed at this PPV. Danger takes quite a weak bump here, but given the way she usually conducts herself, I doubt that’s the last we’ve seen of her shenanigans. Ah ha, and there’s the intelligence of The Fallen Angel. Much like we saw him do with Sabin & Mysterio over and over again, he lures Matt on in and then hits a … Codebreaker? Or whatever; I know what you meant. And here comes the onslaught of Daniels.
Gotta love how fast this guys churns out MOVEZ~ like there’s no tomorrow, from the top rope {Split-Legged Moonsault} to the more power moves {Tilt-a-whirl, Suplexes etc.}, as well all his awesome boxer-like jabs & kicks. He really knows how to keep a fast, emotional opponent like Hardy at bay. SIDE EFFECT~ These two have moves just MADE for counters, so this finishing straight, which I think we’re entering, should be a blast. Leg Drop? No, BLUE THUNDER DRIVER~ The pace is really picking up now to, dare I say, Steamboat/Savage potential? Counter the Angel Wings, counter the Twist of Fate, DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!~! Wow, Hardy’s really breaking out all the moves to get this one done, turning Daniels’ BME into a Crucifix Powerbomb; haven’t seen Mattitude break that out in forever. This is blowing the match that the two had in real life in ROH out of the water so far. Sometimes, ROH need to realise that shorter matches can be just as effective. Really good show of Daniels’ freakish strength, countering Hardy’s Angel’s Wings pin counter into a backslide. VEEEEEERY nice. THERE IT IS, TWIST OF FATE~! Out of the blue like it should and I get it wrong yet again with my prediction that Matt was a mere transitional champion. After what we saw on SD though with Jeffrey, I expect 100% for this feud to continue, with C.D. really taking Matt to his limits before finally getting the belt. I have to say, Mac, this was probably the MOTN thus far. You kept it short, but at such a frantic pace that it echoed Steamboat/Savage greatness. It also followed a similar story, with Matt trying to avenge his injured brother & Steamboat was trying to avenge his own injury. Can’t wait for the inevitable rematch between these two, I hope. This really was a very, very well put together little match. ****

Mickie’s a freak. “Too much time?” I know she’ll be thinking that later on too.

The Rubber Match:
“Showtime” It is indeed, Shawn, it is indeed, but for who more? Will Michaels prove he deserves to remain in this UNTOUCHABLE position at the top of the mountain, or will Van Dam ASCEND to a similar echelon? Wow, I was expecting RVD to get the better of most of the exchanges in this contest, leading to his inevitable defeat, but the opening stages just took me completely by surprise. Van Dam is just one step quicker than Shawny Shawn each & every time. Even HBK’s dickish tactics {nice to see you differing from the chain-wrestling of Backlash btw} can’t save him as he gets dumped on his ass time and time again. HERE WE GO~! I thought it was only a matter of time before Michaels finds an opening, and surprise/surprise it’s with RVD taking one risk too many and missing that big twisting leg drop, fucking up his knee royally. If Jeff Hardy was anywhere near as good as Van Dam {and we both agree he really fucking isn’t rt?} this is the kind of story they’ve been telling with Hunter/Jeff all year. Can Jeff rise to the occasion & win the big one/match. Strange how H & HBK always seem to be the guys placed in the position of egotistical buriers eh? There can’t be something in that … surely … can there? “I think he’s hurt” Yep, no denying HBK is entertaining as hell as a dick heel, but nice to see you exposing his underrated {and ignored} vicious side too with the attack to the limbs of Mr. Monday Night.
Almost reminiscent of his dismantlement of Cena at WM 23, Michaels picks RVD’s leg apart, even with the steel post as a TAG TEAM PARTNER~! Yes, I said it. Nice way for Van Dam to try & get back into the thing though with a page right out of the Shawn Michaels {& Ric Flair} playbook and poking HBK in the eye. Now it’s RVD with all of the answers to Shawn’s repetitive offence, slamming him against the steel post, avoiding the Cross Body, hitting the Split-Legged Moonsault {a lot of those tonight} etc. Glad to see you didn’t just dismiss his leg injury either as VAN DAM CAN SELL~! He just doesn’t sell like a drunken crash dummy like Michaels does sometimes I didn’t think that the win would come for either man in a stereotypical manner, so when Michaels first missed the Elbow but NAILED SCM out of sync I thought that was probably it. NO~! Almost a repeat of earlier on when Shawn realised Rob had fucked up his leg, Van Dam clocks on that Michaels’ stupid back is playing up again following that tumble off the top, and zones in with everything targeted to that one area of the man. I never, EVER thought the finish would come the way it did, with Shawn’s back letting him down on the climb up to the top {that’s what I’m presuming} & Rob taking advantage, knocking him off. Really liked the way Michaels underestimated Van Dam & crawled away, made the 5* Frog Splash sound even move awesome when he actually hit it to HBK’s BACK~! No THAT’S the way to beat The Showstopper. INCREDIBLE~! I never in my wildest dreams thought you’d actually pull the trigger with The Whole F’N Show & put him over the legend, but I guess I was the one underestimating you. You’ve got yourself another main eventer on your hands now. Wow, you’re racking ‘em up for sure now. As for this match; it was a cracking way to end a great feud based all about respect & one man’s mission to get to the top. It started off looking like he would never make it at Backlash with the fast paced, athletic affair, then he got it back on track on Raw, before, in this rather bad-tempered but much more technical wrestling affair, FINALLY proving the doubters wrong. You really shut me up, Mac. Not quite as good as Backlash, but this was still a great match, equalling Daniels/Hardy. ****

ICEMAN~! Oh no, what’s happened to Naitch? Go & tell Batista? I think it’s pretty obvious who’s responsible for this … … but why?

Uh oh, psycho Edge is back. Oh yeah, sociopath Orton is alive & kicking.


Women’s Championship Match:
I haven’t commented on any of the VP’s yet, but this was damn, damn good one. Really shows how epic you’ve made your Women’s division, and with two Divas? Quite an achievement. C’mon, Mickie, buck up, gal. The way Mickie’s starting this thing out down in the corner, it’s almost the perfect set up for her to somehow pull off a miraculous heel steal. But I just … … can’t see that happening tonight. Smart tactics from Ms. James to try & get the hell outta dodge. I know that’s what I’d do if I was faced by her. She’d kick my ass Would be quite fun though. Glad to see you’re acknowledging the time in your writing, as it’s a sure-fire way to make this the most tension-filled bout on the card. OHHHH, Mick just got CREAMED~! Weird choice from Vickie going for submissions in a time limit match. Surely if you’re racing against the clock you would only go for a submission if it was on par with the Ankle Lock or Crippler Crossface, something you could hit out of nowhere. Oh shit, oh shit, that’s it. That’s who you have made Victoria into. She’s a female {and much more attractive} version … … … of Samoa Joe from his 2005 run~! I knew she reminded me of someone, and that’s who it is. Her breaking out the Rear Naked Choke just confirmed it. Use more regularly as a finishing manoeuvre please; it suits her perfectly. Mickie’s desperation is just oozing through in this match, from her {literal] suicide dive through the ropes to shake Vickie off, to the leg sweep on the steps, her repeated covers, her stiff crossface blows. She really is like an Evil Queen from a Fairy Tale or something, who knows her time is up. Really good final stretch too that probably outdid the Daniels/Hardy one for sheer excitement. I thought that maybe, due to Victoria’s intense domination, she would perhaps be on the losing end somehow, but when Mickie avoided the Widow’s Peak & hit the Mickie-Rana & Mick-DDT, I got that feeling. Great finish with the constant roll ups & pin falls; now THAT’S Steamboat/Savage hands down. I would’ve said originally that Mickie needed to get in a few roll ups of her own in the finishing stretch, but that just wouldn’t have fitted at all, as she was desperately hoping for the time to run down, while Vick was desperately trying to get the win in any way possible. It makes sense for Mickie to be on the defensive & Victoria the offensive. Oh, the symbolism of the GOODNIGHT KISS~! WrestleMania repeated well & true. WIDOW’S PEAK~! Victoria is the champion at last, ending what has quite possibly been the greatest Women’s/Divas/Knockouts feud in BTB history. Seriously, Mac. Kudos to you. This match really was superbly booked. You’d have to be an idiot to expect a 30-minute bout in the Women’s division {that’s not where the most interest lies}, but you stuffed so much tension, drama and high-stakes into this match, a mere 10-minutes, that made it mean just as much. Great, GREAT writing. It’s not quite the MOTN, but it’s one hell of an accomplishment. ***3/4

Poor Naitch.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match:
JEEEEEEEZ. What a crazy start to the match~! London & Kendrick just completely giving the proverbial middle finger to both The Carolina Connection & their little stipulation. It makes sense really; The Hooligans didn’t get to pick the stip, so why should they respect it? Well I guess it’s plainly obvious who’s taking on the role of ‘Villain’ for tonight’s production then. Loving the speed & tenacity of Londrick too, no wasted motion whatsoever, going all Shelley & Sabin on up with the Drop Toe Hold/Kick combo, followed by their numerous leaping Double Foot/Mushroom Stomps. Benji is taking a bit of a pounding tonight. Is Spanky meant to be the ring leader? He seems that way. Finally Shelton actually starts to get back into this thing, but gets caught with a pretty tasty sounding Dropsault/Sunset Flip combination. The Hooligans are well & truly heeling it up tonight, ain’t they just? Benji hits his Dragon Whip, but London’s cheap tactics kips Helms away from getting the tag. Damn, I never thought L&K would be this effective as a heel unit. Once Greg finally got the tag, this thing becomes utter, utter chaos. Glad to see you still pushing these guys as the best tag team wrestlers in the world by actually having utilise, uh, tag team manoeuvres. A lot of people forget about those. Synchronicity. That’s what tag team wrestling is all about. The Hooligans, obviously, have more team moves {since they’re ready made for you] but you had The CC break out the double-knee gutbuster, but that was rapidly eclipsed by the awesomeness that was the Poetry In Motion in a Shooting Star Press. Love the one-upmanship between these two tandems. Sums up what this rivalry between these youngsters has been all about. Benji’s becoming the star of the show at this point, taking out Spanky with his awesome PLANCHA~ before busting out his new Corner Powerbomb to break London in half. Loving the way the ref has clearly just said “fuck it” and turned it into a Tornado Tag Match. Sick spot with the Shining Wizard through the ropes as Helms & Spanky are taken out of the equation so that London & Shelton can go one-on-one for the final stretch. I wasn’t surprised when London kicked out of the T-Bone {who doesn’t nowadays?} but I was surprised when he got outta the Victory Roll. Thought we had a Bret/Owen moment right there. Benjamin breaks out something old school … BLOCKBUSTER NECKBREAKER … AND THE CAROLINA CONNECTION RETAIN~! Another match with a very, very frantic last few minutes, but probably the first that sustained it throughout. Great pace. Another feud ender too I’d imagine. Not sure who will be up next for either team, as The New Breed would possibly be too obvious. Perhaps a new team? Still, this has been an EPIC feud of matches, even though this was the, uh, first one you’ve ever written in full Regardless of that, you get the picture. I’d say that I was probably expecting something better from this contest, something pushing 5*’s perhaps, but I guess that’s what we were supposed to have got back at The Great American Bash, and this was just a way to round it all off nicely with quite a bitter, bad tempered affair. Could’ve been better, but it was still amazing. ****

KENNEDY~

WWE Championship Match:
Wow, I just realised how much you love the WWE Tag Team titles; putting them this high up the card. Quite awesome. Anyway, MAIN EVENTS TIME~! Great VP for our little TLC war here tonight. Orton/Edge really is the most epic feud you have going right now & coming to an end tonight. I still think it would’ve been absolutely perfect had Orton still been champion heading into the bout tonight and this was Edge’s true big moment. Lita not out here? Well, from the Valets you have brought out, they’ve all ended up down & out, so you’re still a filthy misogynist as far as I’m concerned Unsurprising beginning to the clash with Edge just completely beating the hell out of Orton with a raging flurry. Maybe it would’ve started like that as soon as Orton came out, like with Hardy/Daniels earlier, but I guess had to wait until his belt got raised up high. Loving the ease with which Orton is taking to this match, tossing Edge around, “Orton take a look at the table in front of him almost as if he’s shopping, going so far as to put his finger on his chin in thought.” Nice. Psycho. No messing around in this one. Orton’s breaking out the chairs right away. His pace is so perfect for these kind of one-on-one gimmick, much in the same way Undertaker’s is, because he is so damn good as being a methodical, cold bastard. He might be out of place in the 8-Man TLC’s of old perhaps, but when it comes to battles like this he’s in his element. Nice counter from Edge slamming Randall’s spine into the chair, only for Orton to hit the 2nd best {Bob Holly’s OWNS} dropkick in the business knocking the ladder right back.
This next spot with Orton setting up the 2 chairs like a guillotine almost and then Suplexing Edge right through ‘em is why he’s so good in these matches. Reminds me of his LMS match with Hunter from last year when, for the first time ever, I realised that Orton was actually GREAT in the ring, seeing as it was actually HIS match, which is unusual for H, as he usually has to control everything. I guess Randy learnt from the best eh? LADDER TIME~! I love your descriptions of Orton’s eyes whenever he sees Edge getting up and he just matter-o-factly climbs down to inflict more damage on the poor prick. More methodical, calculating pacing from TLK, slamming Edge first off the ladder & then through the chair again. SIIIICK. Good lord, we’re barely into it and I’m already devastated that Orton won’t be champion again for a long, LOOOONG time, as his little counter from Edge’s ladder push and then taking him down with his Backbreaker was awesome, but “I thought this was his match?” was the absolute icing on the cake. Uh oh. Edge’s back in the game now. Orton misses the RKO on the Ladder {hope that actually happens though}, gets Powerslammed & then gets a royal HIDING with a steel chair. Sorry, didn’t like Edge’s “maxin’ and relaxin’”. For once I actually think his psychotic character needs to be the stronger persona. Didn’t Mr. Orton manhandle his girlfriend 6 days ago? Indeed so. Just a slight niggle I guess. THAT’S the way it should be, with Edge cracking Randy open with a sick chair shot. Surprised to see Orton the first to bleed, considering in all likelihood he’s losing the match. Probably won’t be too long till Edge follows suit though I’d imagine. CONCHAIRTO~! Best finish to a Ladder Match ever imo, when Edge nailed Christian with a Conchairto atop the ladder 7 years ago. Echoes of the past? There’s the RKO, and the first real effort to go for the title belt {these two have really just been beating the shit out of each other haven’t they? Good psychology, man} but Edge in what sounded like a direct throwback to MITB 2005 smacks Orton in the arm with a chair. Oh man, Edge actually got lucky that time, eating his own chair but falling into the ladder fortunately. First big spot in the match as Orton goes over the top rope, which I’m sure will be repeated later on with tables involved.
Ah yes, as I thought, the big spot was set up with Edge looking to do damage to Randy with the ladder & table, rather than get the belt {as you said PSYCHOLOGY~ 101}. Big mistake though. Not quite sure how Orton would manage to leap off the ladder in mid-air and land on the apron, but I’ll let that slide … for now. SIIIIIICK spot with the RKO through the table off the ladder. I thought it would come off the ladder too, but that might’ve been to much for even these two bastards to endure. Randy’s taken the worst of this so far though; I hope this means great things {for me} for the outcome. HOW THE HELL DID EDGE GET UP THERE SO FAST~!? Sorry, but he did just get RKO’d through a blooming table. Well, reading it over, Orton was down & out for quite a long time too, so I guess that kind of makes up for it. MASTERS & MERCURY!!! WTF??? Maybe it’s the stupid dick in me but the last thing I expected in this tremendous feud ender was … interference. Don’t know, but it kind of … taints it somewhat. The heat for The RKO Army would be astonishing after this, putting Edge through a table, so I recommend you book them higher than tag team jobbers & Edge fodder from now on {I quite like ‘em anyway}. Masters looked quite beastly taking Orton up the ladder on his shoulders too … CODY RHODES & DH SMITH???!!! WHAT ON EARTH~!!?? I guess these two have a real reason to want to come down after the beating they too a couple o’ weeks back from Orton & co. but these two like actual jobbers of Val Venis & Eugene proportions? Well, they ain’t after this, that’s for sure. I’m not a fan of this interference, but at least it’s out of the way now, and I suppose it does make sense if you look at it logically, that Masters & Mercury would want to help their boss and Rhodes & Smith would want revenge. You’re off the hook. LITA~!!! Now this interference has reached the astronomic levels of TLC II. A big thumbs down at Lita taking down Orton {despite what the idiot crowd thought} but I laughed when he just got right back up and dropped her on her head. Make that EVERY-SINGLE-VALET-HAS-NOW-BEEN-BEATEN-BY-DDMAC~!!! You’re officially sick, my friend, and I pity you, I really do.
Here comes the traditional HUGEFUCKINGMASSIVERIDICULOUSLYBIGLADDER~!!! Wow, pretty quick flurry of offense from Edge, Edge-O-Matic, Edgecution, Spear … … … and Orton just keeps on getting up? Wow, TLK has well and truly become A GOD in this thread. Glorious. HE’S LAUGHING TOO~!!! HE’S THE JOKER FROM THE DARK KNIGHT~!!! This is great. The ending just completely summed this feud up perfectly; Edge has it all in his grasp, but he remembers the past 8-months {I’d imagine} and pulls off that AWWWWWSOME spot to break Randall into a thousand pieces. Makes sense. Makes perfect sense. And Edge climbs up to get the belt & retain the title, ending {take a breath} this LOOOOOONG feud. “At the top of the stage, Edge turns around, and stares back down into the ring, at an unmoving Orton. The WWE Champion takes his hands and runs them through his hair, before yanking on the ends of it, angrily gritting his teeth, this feud and war with Orton more than taking it’s toll on his physical and mental health. I think we’ve seen that look in his face before, btw…” Woah, what? Heel turn? Surely not.
Anyway, Mac, take a bow, not only was that match pretty darn great, but this feud as a whole has really set your thread afire for the last year & a bit. One of the most intense wars I’ve ever had the pleasure of following. Where next for these two … well, for Edge it’s ‘VP I guess … but where next in the long-term sense I really don’t know. Maybe a Draft? As for the match itself, psychologically speaking, it was flawless; entertainment-wise it wasn’t quite the spectacle I was expecting, with Orton pacing really carrying it for the majority. I’d say it matched Daniels/Hardy, RVD/HBK & CC/Hooligans, but it didn’t quite top ‘em. ****

Jim Jones? My knowledge of R&B is quite abysmal. I think John Cena should start listening to Bruce ‘THE BOSS’ Springsteen though for the hell of it. Montel is going to be so awesome with this. Ah shit, I was hoping he would take his title shot to Unforgiven so we get a proper feud outta it, ‘cause him cashing in tomorrow pretty much guarantees defeat. I guess, from a heel standpoint, it makes sense though. We’ll see.

Nice little segment from Vinnie Mac. I think you had a Draft Lottery around this time last year right, so it makes sense. Odds are someone like Orton will be switching brands. I know you want me to think that was Undertaker messing with the lights, but knowing you it was probably Cena dicking with us. To be honest, Steph is annoying me right now; this storyline with her & Cena & H needs to get a move on. A co-GM? Woah. Probably just be Vince, but maybe you’ll shock us with someone BAAAAALIN’.


World Heavyweight Championship Match:
Okay, now THIS right here is the baby I’ve been looking forward to all night. Mt favourite superstar of the modern crop against possibly the crème de la crème of the former generation. For starters, you’re clearly hyping it as such, with that Warrior/Hogan, Austin/Rock, HBK/Hogan, HBK/Hart type moment as they meet face-to-face in the centre of the ring. This is what separates you & makes you a better match writer than so many other people around these parts, you know how to get emotion into your matches plain & simple, and that’s what makes them GREAT in the end. This ain’t gonna be pretty, as we see straight away from the slugfest to kick things off, but Kennedy goes cheap and OWNS Rocky all the way to the outside. Nice mind games from KK, giving it all the trash talking so far. This must be bizarre for the biggest trash-talker of all time, Rocky, to face. Oh dear, and Kennedy PAYS FOR HIS SINS~! {Michael ‘OWNS’ Cole} getting a neckbreaker & getting drilled into the steel steps. Ouch. Big mistake pissing The Brahma Bull off, Ken. This is almost panning out like HBK/RVD so far, with the cocky veteran now zoning in on his younger opponents wounded leg. Nice spot from Rocky with the “MISTER JABRONI” line. Is he still in Hollywood mode? If KK had a cool jacket then Rock could go & slip it on a la Stone Cold. AWWWWSOME.
Kennedy almost gets back into it, but his leg is giving him some serious jip it seems, and he damn near feel Rocky’s version of the Sharpshooter to add to his woes. He does tastes a Samoan Drop, though quite how bad it would look with Double K going that slow is anyone’s guess. Rocks’ being pretty methodical here tonight, clearly taking on the role of ‘Villain’ much like The Hooligans had to earlier. Anything get the job done. Suplex & Spine on the Pine? Does he use that as just a regular move or just a set up for The People’s Elbow? Hmmm. Ah never mind, it actually works perfectly as a set up for the Sharpshooter, really doing some serious damage to the lower back, which Rock seems to now be focusing on following the Suplex etc. Kind of an ‘Austin’ moment in the hold for KK, & I’m pretty sure that’s the parallel you were going for, Oh man, Ken FINALLY gets back into this thing with that counter and enziguiri {LOL @ Rock’s trash-talking}. Now the reigning World Champ is rolling, big time clothesline after Rock’s Nip up, Russian Leg Sweep, and … that awesome FACEWASH~! No way, Kennedy HITS THE GREEN BAY PLUNGE THIS EARLY~! Wow, and Rocky kicks out? This one ain’t got much long left I reckon after that. Serves Rock right for being a cocky shit and going up top tbh. Wow, but KK kicks out of both the Suplex AAAAAAND the Rock Bottom to even the score. What’s it gonna take to put either o’ these hoss’ down? Thank God Rock missed that People’s Elbow ‘cause that AIN’T the right set up for it at all. KENNEDY HITS THE ROCK BOTTOM~! It just seems so right & yet so wrong at the same time. Not surprised KK hurt his leg with a kip up for God’s sake, not very smart, Ken {never seen him do a nip up either} – PSYCHOLOGY~
That’s the proper set up and Ken is in trouble now. PEOPLE’S ELBOW~! No, well I thought that might put him away even though I think it s quite a weak & flashy manoeuvre. Glad it didn’t. That’s the one I was forgetting, The Kenton Bomb. No, he misses that too, ROCK BOTTOM, GREEN BAY MEATPACKER, ROCK BOTTOM … MIC CHECK~!!! KENNEDY WINS~! KENNEDY RETAINS~! Wow, I like the choice of the sudden finish, it’s how both the Mic Check & Rock Bottom work best I think. This was a pretty good contest, probably just beating out Kennedy’s bout with Batista for the best match of his you’ve wrote in full, although his bout with Cena @ The Royal Rumble was pretty wild too. The handshake afterward really added to the specialness, the almost one-off feel of this feud. It really did have that kind of ‘feel’ that only guys like Rocky, Austin & Cena seem to be able to create. Not the MOTN or anything, but still pretty damn special. ***1/2

Aftermath:
I’m just … pretty damn speechless, much like you described the fans in the arena to be, after those last few pages. Quite unbelievable. What a difference a few minutes makes eh? Just when Kennedy was standing there on top of the world, still World Heavyweight Champion, out comes FUCKIN’ TRIPLE H AGAIN to beat him down for the second PPV running~! And if that was enough to poor Ken … GODDAMNIT BATISTA’S CASHING THAT MOTHERFUCKING BITCH IN ALREADY~!!! Stunned. Just stunned. Dave’s literally got the blood of his mentor on his hands, and he takes the World Heavyweight Championship back without a fight from the devastated Mr. Kennedy. If it was anyone other than Big Dave I’d be in outage, and I still am a little bit, as I thought you were in this for the long run with KK, maybe till Survivor Series? The way I see it … Kennedy/Hunter is happening, that sick son of a bitch Dave Batista/Ric Flair is happening whenever Naitch is healthy again {odds are he’ll be out after this}, and I guess Cena/Rock OR Taker. Like I said, Mac, one of the most astonishing climaxes to a BTB I have ever, ever read. Even your WM didn’t leave me speechless for crying out loud.

You basically get the gist throughout this review that I loved this PPV, much like your WM, from start to finish. It was a much different animal {no pun intended} to your WM though, as that one was really all about how good your matches could be, while this one had the huge safety net of these incredible stories to fall back on, and as a result a few of the ‘Big’ matches were slightly disappointing, but that’s only be your ridiculously high standards. Overall, you didn’t BEAT your WM, you went a whole different route with it, creating one of the most shocking and amazing climaxes in BTB PPV history, and in the process, one of the greatest PPVs of all time.
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