PARANoIR

So, it's not dead huh? I told you all it'd be back and here we are. As always, my biggest problem is TIME. I have none of it, so posts may be few and far between. Almost two months to the day since I posted my last show, I'm going to post the next one right now. I'm not sure how I'm going to go with returning feedback, I will get to it, I assure you but I don't know how promptly they will be.

For a while I will be just posting recaps, EXCEPT PPVs which will be posted in FULL! I have fallen victim to forward planning, I want to write stuff that I've got planned down the track more then I want to write some of the stuff I'm writing at the moment.

I've got a few shows ready to go so they'll probably be posted pretty regularly for the next month or two. Anyways, no more talk.


RECAP - 23rd May 2007

Enslaved by the Motley Crue blares out and around the Hammerstein Ballroom as Joey Styles and Kevin Nash welcome us to the show and gives us a run down of the agenda for the evening and put over the fact that this is the first time Ensalved has been broadcast from outside the Hammerstein Ballroom as we are coming from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, Michigan!

Paul Heyman opens the show to a huge ovation and immediately he focuses on the Number One Contendership status, he says last week we saw Christian Cage take on Samoa Joe one on one but quite frankly neither of them impressed him enough to be granted Number One Contender status particularly since the major turning point in the match was delivered by someone not even involved in it – Chris Jericho… but he’s not the Number One Contender either. He says that two weeks ago we witnessed a match of the year contender between Edge and Rob Van Dam (Huge pop for RVD) in an Extreme Rules encounter. He says that even though RVD lost he has the desire to see the two face off again, he’s giving Van Dam a second chance and officially naming him the Number One Contender to the World Title at Redemption. Naturally the crowd pops huge until Edge’s music hits and the World Champion struts out to a raucous reception. Edge doesn’t have any time for small talk and immediately gets straight to the point. He says it’s bullshit that RVD gets another chance at Redemption because he beat him fair and square two weeks ago. He says that he beat him at his OWN game he beat him in Extreme Rules therefore he shouldn’t have to step into the ring again with him under any circumstances. Heyman acknowledges the fact that he did indeed beat Rob two weeks ago and very impressively at that but none the less he is setting the match in stone for Redemption. Edge looks pissed off but Heyman continues saying that this time though, the match type will be a little more suited for Edge! It will be a TLC MATCH! The crowd pops huge as Heyman continues while Edge actually looks slightly happier, Heyman then says it’s actually a TLC match that he’s not so familiar with… Tables… Ladders… IN A CAGE! He tells us in order to win the match Edge must climb a ladder to retrieve the Title which will be hanging from the top of the cage but before he can even think about taking that title, he MUST put RVD through a table! Rob Van Dam then makes his way out to the top of the aisle, mic in hand and thanks Heyman for the second chance before letting Edge know that he won’t make the same mistakes again and that this time he guarantees that the next EPW Champion will be none other than ROB-VAN-DAM!

- COMMERCIAL -

In our opening match for the evening we have our Number One Contenders Triple Threat Tag Match between The Dudley Boyz, The Worlds Greatest Tag Team and Juventud Guerrera & Psicosis. In a solid match that mainly features TWGTT and Juvi & Psicosis, the encounter is contested at a frenetic pace, with The Worlds Greatest Tag Team looking the strongest as Haas and Benjamin manage to tag in and out regularly, controlling the match. The Dudleyz finally find their way into the match as Bubba makes a blind tag to Juventud Guerrera before using his strength advantage to dominate Charlie Haas. With Haas and Bubba brawling back and forth in the ring, the EPW Tag Team Champions – The Latin American Exchange make their way down to the ring to a big Mixed Reaction from the fans. Konnan, Homicide and Hernandez stroll down the aisle arrogantly before the three of them rush Juventud Guerrera and Psicosis from behind. Juvi & Psi’ weren’t aware of the LAX’s arrival as Homicide pulls Guerrera down off the apron while Hernandez does the same to Psicosis. Homicide nails a few hard right hands to the unsuspecting Guerrera before he hooks his arms and nails THE GRINGO KILLA!! The crowd pops for the move when suddenly Hernandez nails THE BORDER TOSS TO PSICOSIS, LANDING HIM ON THE GUARD RAIL AT RINGSIDE!! The crowd cheer on the LAX for some reason when the referee calls the match a No Contest @ 8:20. After the match Konnan gets on the microphone and warns all three teams that if they think any one of them is taking their titles, they’ve got another thing coming. He then reminds us that LAX is a Revolution and you can stop a Revolution but you can’t stop a revolution. Orale! Orale! Ariba La Raza!

The camera then heads to the back where we see Christy Hemme standing by with BROCK LESNAR. Christy talks about how Brock has been unstoppable since his loss to Christian Cage at Out of Exile. Brock says that Christian’s win was nothing but a fluke and over the past few weeks he’s proved that by running over all of his opponents convincingly. Brock then goes on to say that this week he doesn’t have a match on Enslaved but instead Colt Cabana has asked for a rematch that will be seen on EPW’s Online Oblivion this week. Brock promises to destroy Colt, he says that he can ask for all the rematches in the world because he’s never going to stop the most dominant force in EPW. Lesnar walks off camera before we go to a commercial.

- COMMERCIAL -

We return from commercial and Samoa Joe’s music hits as the Samoan Submission Machine makes his way out to the ring dressed in street clothes, microphone in hand. As soon as Joe climbs into the ring he immediately begins to talk, he says he knows that he lost to Christian Cage last week but it wasn’t because he wasn’t good enough… it was because Chris Jericho screwed him over yet again. Joe says last week Paul Heyman told him to impress him in order to be granted the number one contendership, and obviously due to the loss he didn’t do that but he’s also told me that from now on all my matches will have an Extreme-type stipulation. Clearly upset, Joe calls out Heyman he says he wants to know what’s next, he wants to know what he has in store for him. Heyman then appears on the big screen in the Ballroom to a big pop and after a little chuckle Heyman tells Joe that it’s now not only his matches that will have an Extreme feel about them… but his opponents will too! He says he hasn’t quite decided who or what will lie in his way at Redemption but he says it WON’T be an EPW Championship match! He then says as for tonight though, he needs a Main Event and Joe needs an opponent, so he then goes to say that tonight Samoa Joe is in the Main Event and if he wants to know who his opponent is, all he need do… is turn around. With that said, Samoa Joe turns into a HUGE SINGAPORE CANE SHOT FROM THE SANDMAN!!!! The fans mark out like bitches as The Sandman plants Joe with a huge Cane shot. Heyman then tells Joe that in accordance with his announcement from two weeks ago… tonight we will see Samoa Joe take on THE SANDMAN in a SINGAPORE CANE ON A POLE MATCH! The crowd go nuts for the announcement as Joe rolls out of the ring holding his head and Sandman climbs atop a turnbuckle and holds the Singapore Cane high in the air.

- COMMERCIAL -

We return from commercial and we have our second match for the evening and what is the second of the four Cruiserweight showcase matches. It’s Bryan Danielson taking on Sonjay Dutt! The match gets given a decent about of time as we see Sonjay show off a lot of his high flying moves. Eventually though he tries one too many as he went for the arm-twist ropewalk Hurricanrana, but Danielson used his free arm and held on to the rope, causing Sonjay to fall straight to the canvas and this error spells the end for him. Dutt got straight back to his feet following the error but he was met by a ROARING ELBOW from Bryan Danielson. Danielson stalks Sonjay until he gets back up to his feet only to get planted again, this time courtesy of a DRAGON SUPLEX! With Dutt down, Danielson locks in the Cattle Mutilation and it’s purely academic from there as Sonjay taps out at 6:32

Following the match the camera heads backstage to see Maria about to interview Austin Aries. Aries says he specifically requested this interview time because he knew that Bryan Danielson was only just finishing up with his match and that he’d be able to speak his mind without being jumped from behind by some coward. Aries says he is sick of Danielson’s cheap attacks, he knows that this thing between them is about more than just the Cruiserweight Championship so he’s putting their little problem on hold for the next few weeks until he wins the Cruiserweight Title and if he feels the need to try another sneak attack, then he’ll have the whole of Generation Next to deal with. Aries promises Danielson that after Redemption, he’ll have his undivided attention.

- COMMERCIAL -

We return from commercial and we’ve got the debut of the duo of Roderick Strong and Alex Shelly as they take on Muhammad Hassan and Daivari. In a shortish match Hassan controls the new faces with some heel tactics and his obvious strength advantage. Hassan eventually hit the Blue Thunder Back Breaker on Roderick Strong before immediately locking in the Camel Clutch only to be met surprisingly with a SHINING WIZARD from Alex Shelly, to break the hold. The crowd pops huge as Hassan struggles for the tag to Daivari while Shelly tries to will on Strong to make the tag to him as well. Eventually Hassan tags in Daivari and he charges the ring, halting Strong’s crusade to tag in Daivari when suddenly CM PUNK appears at the top of the aisle with a microphone in hand to a huge pop. Naturally this immediately gets both Hassan and Daivari’s attention so Strong takes full advantage of the situation as he turns Daivari back to face him and after a kick to the gut he nails the GIBSON DRIVER! Daivari’s body is a limp mess after the Sit-out Double Underhook Powerbomb as Strong makes the cover and picks up the victory @ 4:50

Strong and Shelly celebrate as Daivari rolls out of the ring and Hassan is naturally irate all the while Punk continues down the aisle, applauding the victory for Strong and Shelly. When he gets close to the ring, Punk finally talks. Staring up at Hassan, who is now inside the ring by himself. He says that all he’s hearing from Hassan is that he’s sending all these message to him as a preview of what’s going to happen in their match at Redemption. Punk climbs the ring steps and gets in the ring before continuing and saying that all Hassan’s talk is all well and good but all he’s seen him and Daivari do recently is lose matches and beat people down like the cowards that they are. Hassan just stares Punk in the face as he continues, the Champion starts to give Hassan his usual spiel about his addiction being Competition etc when suddenly a not so flash looking Daivari comes back into the ring from behind CM Punk with a chair in hand and proceeds to blast him over the back of the head to huge heat and to further emphasise the Champions point from earlier.. Hassan laughs at Punk laid out on the floor as Daivari stomps the fuck out of him before Hassan picks up a microphone. Hassan says he doesn’t care how he does it, but he’s going to take that Pacific Championship from Punk and at this stage it certainly looks as if he’s going to do it as well because every time they’ve in the ring together recently, he and Daivari have got the better of him. Hassan finishes by saying that when everything is said and done at Redemption, Punk just like everyone else in Chicago will have no choice but to bow to the Great Muhammad Hassan! The fans boo the fuck out of Hassan as we go to commercial.

- COMMERCIAL -

We return from commercial and we get a replay of the events before the break with Hassan and Punk before we head backstage and we see Christian Cage standing in front of a camera. Cage talks about how good it was to get back in the winners circle last week and defeat Samoa Joe. He then calls Jericho a jackass for trying to cost him the victory but ultimately only helping him win. He then goes on to remind Jericho that “I’m Captain Charisma, you silly Bastard”. Christian goes on to say that since Jericho has done nothing lately but try and cost him a victory at any given time whether it be in World Title matches, Number 1 Contender matches or one on one matches against the guy he couldn’t beat, Samoa Joe then surely he’d want to face off against him at Redemption to find out once and for all who the better man is. Suddenly Chris Jericho walks into shot to a big mixed reaction but he doesn’t have much to say as he looks Christian in the eyes and just says “Captain Charisma?” and has a bit of a smug chuckle and walks off. Christian looks confused as we head back out to the arena for our Main Event.

Paul Heyman is again out on commentary for Samoa Joe’s match as he has clearly taken an interest in them of late. After the epic “Enter Sandman” by Metallica entrance for The Sandman, the match, as expected ends up being pretty slow and short for a Main Event. Joe pretty much kills Sandman with his power but eventually The Sandman gets his hands on a Singapore Cane since Joe apparently forgot they were legal in this one. The Hardcore Icon manages to get weaken Joe after several brutal Cane shots before he even nails the WHITE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP with the help of the Singapore Cane! The crowd pops huge as Sandman drops the Cane and heads up to the top rope and he flies off looking to finish him off with the ROLLING ROCK… but JOE MOVES! The Sandman crashes and burns as Joe gets back to his feat steadily before he makes the most of the situation and picks up the Sandman from the canvas before nailing the MUSCLE BUSTER! Joe hooks the leg and gets the clean win over ECW Legend @ 6:34

Joe has no time to celebrate as Heyman immediately climbs up on the apron with a microphone and gets his attention. Heyman tells Joe that he was very impressed with Joe’s performance but it was just the beginning of what he has in store for him, he then continues by saying as for Joe’s opponent at Redemption… all he need to do is turn around to find out who it is. Joe immediately turns into a humongous GORE FROM RHINO! Heyman quickly enters the ring with Joe down on the canvas and says “Joe, at Redemption it will be you taking on the last ever REAL ECW Champion, Detroit’s OWN… RHINO! And in order to keep up with the Stipulation set for your matches… that particular encounter will be EXTREME RULES! The crowd pops huge as Rhinos stand atop a turnbuckle punching his chest and we go off the air.


Current Card for Redemption
Odeum Expo Centre, Chicago; Illinous --- June 25, 2007.


EPW World Championship
Edge (c) v Rob Van Dam


EPW Pacific Championship
CM Punk (c) v Muhammad Hassan


Cruiserweight Championship
10 Man Gauntlet Match
First 5 eliminations are over the top rope, second five are pinfall/submission
Austin Aries v Bryan Danielson v Daivari v Jamie Noble v Billy Kidman v Sonjay Dutt v TBA v TBA v Surprise Entrant # 1 v Surprise Entrant # 2


Extreme Rules
Samooa Joe v Rhino
credit: Crazian & Apple Spitter.

Online Oblivion Results - Saturday May 26 2007

Brock Lesnar def. Colt Cabana @ 8:30
Although Colt managed to put up a bit more of a battle this time, he still fell to the F5.

Jamie Noble def. Billy Kidman @ 12:39
In an extremely entertaining match, that provided plenty of fast paced action, Noble eventually made Kidman submit thanks to a Double Knee Gutbuster and the STF.

Okay, there you have it. All feedback is appreciated and will be returned & repped as usual. Next show will be up in a week or two.

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