La Parka/El Dandy/Psicosis v. SUWA/Magnum Tokyo/Shima Nobunaga (Nitro whoGIVESafuckwhen)
If la Parka, el Dandy and Psicosis are not the best trio in the history of wrestling……fuck….la Parka, el Dandy and Psicosis are the best trio in the history of wrestling. How could you *possibly* come up with a better team of three guys than that? I get the idea that if I watched more SUWA he’d be one of my favourite wrestlers of all time, and that’s because he’s a grade A dickhead. Unfortunately he doesn’t get to be the dickhead here, but you can see he still has personality. Parka ruled this. Tokyo goes for a dropkick and MID-DROPKICK, Parka kicks his fucking leg to make him tumble. Spectacular. Similarly Psicosis dropkicks the top rope when Nobunaga tries a springboard and Shima goes down. Dive train when people are flinging heads into barricades on impact, Parka takes a Psicosis bump on a turnbuckle, Psic takes the best bump from a top rope spin kick EVER. Bliss. This was soooo much fun.
La Parka/Ciclope v. Rick & Scott Steiner (Saturday Night 5/31/97)
Cool for 100 seconds or however long it was. Steiners throwing dudes around and Parka bumping big clotheslines will always be enjoyable. Parka cutting off Rick’s dog-ring-running (whatever the fuck) with an enzuigiri was probably the best part (and it was the first move in the match). Bit of an awkward ending.
La Parka v. Buff Bagwell (Thunder 3/29/00)
Still during Parka’s ‘It’s Not Me’ promo period. The voice says Bagwell has a George Clooney haircut and says he’ll kick Bagwell’s “jacked up ass”. All while Parka drops the mic and pulls a sign from his jacket that reads “I’m sorry”, with “I’m not really saying this” on the other side. IDK why you’d book an angle like that. I mean every simpleton and lamebrain can tell it isn’t Parka on the mic; it makes the wrestlers look like brainless goofballs for believing it. OR DOES IT? Park gets Bagwell to believe him, does the ‘oh sheesh, oh thank you, I’m so glad you know now’ shtick, they hug, shake hands and embrace, and then Park LEVELS him. I think Heenan is right about him being a master ventriloquist. Parka was a pretty great bump machine here. He takes another Psicosis bump, does the ‘turned him inside-out’ sell of an elbow, and pretty much fucking spikes himself on his OWN split-legged moonsault. Heenan said it looked like he kind of speared Bagwell on the way down and if you can imagine a split-legged spear to a prone man’s arm, well that’s a pretty good way to describe it. I still don’t think I’m doing it justice. Bagwell sold the opening cheapshot shockingly well, but seemed kind of gassed, which really stands out in a match this short. Parka also tries to get out of a sunset flip by using his strut, by the fucking way. Fuck. This is why Park is the greatest.
La Parka/Silver King v. Bobby Eaton/Kenny Kaos (Saturday Night 1/9/99)
Do you know how many times I’ve thought to myself ‘I want to see la Parka and Bobby Eaton match up’? Zero. Do you know how much I want to see la Parka and Bobby Eaton match up now? A hell of a lot, and it delivers pretty well. Most guys will throw a clothesline to Park after he struts to them. Bobby Eaton just throws an amazing slap and shoves him toward the mat. Eaton was still an awesome seller in 1999, apparently, and it’s even more impressive when you consider the fact that’s he’s called on to work in a babyface tag team with a random Power Plant guy. Kaos was a fine big dude who wipes people out, and I wished Eaton played FIP for all of this before tagging him, because he seems like a natural hot tag guy (also Eaton’s selling rules enough to be FIP, which we saw in flashes here). Oddly enough there seemed to be, like, three two minute FIP spells (and one including Parka playing FIP…..). Why do that? Oh well, this got enough time to deliver something cool and it did. Park’s double team double stomp to Eaton was great.
La Parka v. Juventud Guerrera (Nitro 3/24/97)
Well he did it. La Parka finally did it. He broke me. I knew somewhere, some way, there was a la Parka spot that would break me. And it was here. He did it. I have no words for this. He catches Juvi’s attempt at a crossbody, and struts. He just struts. He just struts……with a fucking man..…in his arms. Honestly, this was an awesome five minute match, with awesome performances, from two awesome wrestlers. But I have no words for it. He broke me. I can never think of anything the same way again.