Learning to break kayfabe
Join Date: Oct 2009
Re: 13 Years In, Over 7976 To Go
I flippin’ went off on JBC that August night. I was under a lot of pressure, getting my butt kicked to heck and back isn’t really my style, when JBC broke my undefeated streak the first time I fought him, it crushed my guts.
Not to long ago, I realized something odd. As a kid I always knew I would go back in time at one point, since grand-dad told me there was a guy named Tri Bute back in the past, and he was a great Global Warrior Champion, better than Kyle O’Reilly and Flanders, I wasn’t named after this guy, I was this guy, the guy who claimed to be an 8000 time champ of a belt that hadn’t been invented yet. It was my destiny to go back in time and take the past.
But what’s happening now isn’t what grand-dad said happened or I would of won the Global Warrior belt like 6 or 7 months ago, then lost it to JBC again. Something is interfering with the past. Nothing is going as planned. Flip this on the 9/11 tri bute show I dine on TJ Perkins some loser who is almost a triple crown champion or something. What he doesn’t know, is that I have a trap waiting for him, and as soon as he flip summons, normal summons or special summons, I’m flipping it over. At Bloodshed At Ground Zero 14, I’m activating Torrential Tri Bute and there’s nothing Perky can do to stop me.
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion” Tri Bute “The Future Warrior”
Bloodshed At Ground Zero 14
September 11th 2023
The Other Super Special Awesome Dome, New York, New York and broadcasted across the globe in 260 languages and American dialects!
“Sign of Wisdom” Zak Zodiac defeated Austin Creed, when he hit Creed with Sweet Cancer Music (Superkick) and pinned his shoulders for three in the dark match.
In the opening PPV bout, “No Gimmick Needed” Shane Matthews went up against “Mr. Super Kick” Matt Vaughn in a #1 contender match, the winner facing whoever walks out of tonight’s main event as champion for the SSAW Global Warrior Championship at Centre City Slam 14 next month. Matthews was accompanied to the ring by “Unbreakable” Michael Elgin and his girlfriend the former commissioner Akira Criss. Elgin and Criss distracted the referee and helped Matthews cheat throughout the match. It finally came to a close when Criss distracted the referee while Shane punched Matt Vaughn in the dock several times and rolled him up for a three count while tugging the tights. Shane Matthews and the rest of No Gimmick Needed headed to the back before Vaughn could do anything about Shane’s cheating.
“The 8000 Time King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion” Tri Bute comes out from the back with a microphone and talks butt about TJ Perkins, then says something about the trap card he set last turn. “Let’s just say, it wouldn’t be a good idea to Normal Summon, Flip Summon, or Special Summon”, Tri Bute rolls into the ring and “Lightning Quick” TJP runs out and all the fan girls start screaming. As soon as TJP enters the ring he starts kicking butt. As the match continues Tri Bute takes over locking in advanced fighting technique submission maneuvers from the future, one includes tickling Perkins’ belly with a feather. The crowd gets behind TJP and he is able to elbow out of the hold, but Tri Bute crushes his comeback just as quickly with a Deadlift German Suplex for a nearfall. Tri Bute pulls TJP to his feet, but Perkins tries to push away so Butey pokes his eyes. The referee gives him a warning for that. Butey decides to throw TJP into the referee. As the referee falls to the ground Tri Bute pretends this wasn’t his intention and asks the referee if he is all right. The referee doesn’t answer and Butey checks his pulse to make sure his hecklacious throw TJP into the referee move didn’t kill him. He has a heart beat, that’s great! Tri Bute picks up a stone chair from ringside and smashes it over TJP’s head. WWE just recently banned stone chair shots to the head and we like to show how edgy we are and have at least 1 every show. Tri Bute goes for the pin on TJP while the referee is regaining consciousness, but Teej kicks out at the one after uno. Butey spits in TJP’s face, and chains with Dark Bribe allowing TJP to draw one card but negating the effect of his “Resiliency”. Tri Bute lifts TJP to his feet and grabs him by the neck and screams “YOU’VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD BEACH” and hits him with Torrential Tri Bute (Chokeslam), Butey pins Teej and puts a leg on the rope for some extra leverage. The referee is too out of it to see this and counts the three giving Tri Bute the victory.
Johnny Buckson: Oh Flip, Ship, ship, what is Butey doing now?
Tri Bute pulls out a piece of masking tape from his tights.
Jonathan Gold: He’s going for the tape, he’s done this to his opponents before this is what made Tyler Black “Vio Lent”, this is what made David Hart Smith “Exe Cution”.
Tri Bute inches forward with the tape but then JBC’s music plays.
“I AM A COWBOY!
I LIKE DA RODEO
I AM A COWBOY!
MILKIN’ DEM COWS ALLS I NOSE
I AM A COWBOY!
NASSCAR’S SO A SPORT
I AM A COWBOY!
TEEM MCGRAW IS SWART
I AM A COWBOY!
AND MY HORSIE IS PET ART
Johnny Buckson: He’s got a stone chair! That. Can’t. Be. Com. For. Table.!
Tri Bute tries to stick “Bear Skin” JBC with the tape, but he blocks it with the chair, and then clocks him with it. JBC holds up the SSAW Global Warrior Championship in all the corners while all the fan girls scream “JBC”. Butey rolls over to TJP and says that he knew he should’ve chained something to his “Reinforcements”. John Boy Corbett heads to the back to get ready for his main event match against “Mr. Yakuza Kick” Andy Ridge.
“The Agent” Mild Walsh is backstage with “Blockbuster” Kyle O’Reilly, Walsh says that O’Reilly will face off against “The American Wolf” Davey Richards next in a nice clean match up and talks about how O’Reilly is already an icon in SSAW, how he is already a Hall of Famer and he is only 35 years old. He says that Kyle O’Reilly is already a two time SSAW Backyard Warrior Champion. O’Reilly takes the microphone from Walsh.
“Richards is my friend, I remember when we were Team Ambition for a little bit and we won the WWE Tag Team Championships together. I remember when we teamed up together in the Never In Your Wildest Dreams 6-Man-Tag. I’ve learned a lot from him, he’s a great friend and I’m glad I’ll have the honor of facing him next.”
“Loveless” Kyle O’Reilly takes on “The American Wolf” Davey Richards in the opening moments Richards offers to shake hands with Kyle, but he instead gets some spit in his face and a kick to the chest.
Jonathon Gold: Well that was rude; normally Ky-Ky doesn’t act like this.
And so the kick war begins, there are at least seventy-five stiff kicks then O’Reilly hits Richards with a Brainbuster for a near fall. O’Reilly slaps the top of Richards’ head as he gets to his feet.
Johnny Buckson: O’Reilly sure has developed a mean-streak in this match, Walsh seems mad at ringside; he has always been about sportsmanship! Maybe he thinks O’Reilly is smearing dodo all over the Walsh Brand, Jon.
O’Reilly locks in an Armbar and puts his feet over the ropes for leverage, Walsh can’t take this anymore.
“My client is cheating!”, Walsh shouts as he hops up onto the apron. “He is soiling the good name of pro wrestling!”
Using this to his advantage, O’Reilly kicks Richards in the nuts and rolls Richards onto his back while tugging the tights. The referee counts the three allowing O’Reilly to pick up the victory. Kyle ditches the ring before Davey Richards can get to his feet, but Walsh rolls into the ring and apologizes for his client’s rude behavior.
Next, the SSAW Double Bed Warrior Championship is on the line, when “Stardust” Mark Briscoe and “Drillbit” Jay Briscoe take on Technical Disaster, the team of Neil Furious and Hammer Maniac. After a dodged Rolling Closeline, Neil locks in the Full Neil.
Johnny Buckson: The Briscoes might lose the belts right here! Marky looks like he’s gon’ tap!
Hammer Maniac leaps into the ring and hits a Rolling Double Knee Facebuster to Mark. Neil covers him for a two count! Jay comes in and hits Furious with a Lungblower! Jay and Hammer run at each other, and both attempt Double Knee Facebusters at the same time.
Jonathon Gold: Oh shiz! It’s a stalemate!
Johnny Buckson: Like with horses Jon?
Jonathon Gold: Nah, that would be a stablemate. I’m not even sure if that’s a thing!
Mark hits Furious with a Superkick and then climbs up to the top rope. Mark leaps off and hits the SHOOTING STAR PRESS! The referee counts to three and the match is over, The Briscoes are still the champs!
We see Exe Cution and Vio Lent backstage, Vio Lent has the Lightweight Warrior belt across his shoulder. They both have pieces of masking tape on their heads.
“So, Andy Ridge gets a shot at the SSAW Global Warrior title tonight?”, Cution began. “Hmmm, I thought he was suppose to be in rehab. This is all The Rock’s fault.”, Cution does an impression of The Rock, “Hmmm, what should be the main event tonight, Vio Lent maybe? No he’s too smart, sexy, and powerful to get a shot, everyone needs to think I’m the best still, um wait, this guy does heroine and crack? Let’s send him to rehab some other time he’s facing JBC TONIGHT!”. It’s a really good impression.
“The Rock is jealous of me, and jealous of my power”, Vio Lent says, “He doesn’t need to envy me more, Exe, if I walked out of the main event with the belt, he’d get even more jelly. I don’t blame him honestly. Exe and I will just make sure that Ridge is in good company, we’ll be at ringside.”
Ozzy Chase walks by then notices Exe Cution and Vio Lent. He hands them two slips of paper.
“It’s from The Rock! You guys are banned from ringside.”
“Gosh dangit!” shouts Exe Cution, “Now what are we going to do?”
“Nothing”, Vio Lent laughs evilly.
We now cut to Johnny Buckson and the other announcer. “Holy butt, it’s already time for our MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING!”.
“The champ is here, Johnny! The champ is here! He is a beautiful man!”
John Boy Corbett slides into the ring, and the crowd goes absolutely nuts!
“And here comes Andy Ridge!”, Vio Lent comes out of nowhere and floors Ridge with the Lightweight Warrior Championship Title. Vio Lent gives the crowd double in a bad ways (that’s something people do in the future).
“He is on the ramp! That means he will face no repercussions!” says Buckson.
“He’s an evil genious! Yes I added an o in there, I GOT EXITED” says Gold.
“THIS MOMENT HAS MADE ME PRONENCE WORDS WRONG ON PORPOISE“ screams Buckson!
“Why Mr. Lent? Why would you do this to Ridgy, Mr. Yakuza Kick is my FAVORITE super mirror image megaultra star?” Vio Lent says, “Flip you Draco, that’s why. How’s that for a happy thought?”. “You girls in the audience are all pansy, loser, butterface, HORSES. BUT I DON’T discriminate, BUT I DO hate you. Your in my world now Andy boy, beach boy Ridgy, girls pants BUTT TRUMPET. THIS IS THE SOUND YOUR BUTT MAKES!”
Lent starts making farting noises.
The referee calls for the bell and ring announcer Troy Stone says that the referee has come to a decision, “Your winner, via disqualification, Andy Ridge, HOWEVER, belts don’t change like that so John Boy Corbett is still champ!”
JBC runs up the ramp to attack Vio Lent but Lent escapes in a smoke cloud. When the smoke clears, Tri Bute appears and hits JBC with a spinning Big Boot. “NICE FLIP SUMMON ATTEMPT!” Tri Bute hits Torrential Tri Bute (Chokeslam) and spits on JBC as the scene fades to black.
“That’s pretty flippin’ gee that a match can end before it even starts, all the peeps who paid for this shiz got ripped the flip off.” says Buckson as we go off the air.
SSAW.com posted an excerpt from the past article last night. It detailed their first event and included a video of the “best part”
Youtube Video Summary For Those In New Virginia X where this video is blocked due to “Graphic Violence” which I think is bullshiz because the whole point of the Internet is to be as edgy as possible always.
“Brain Damage Interrupts Pre-Show JibberJabber (SSAW 11 Bad Things, 8/2/10)
“Tonight Will Be A Night of TERROR” – Batman, from “Holy Musical Batman”
Brain Damage interrupted Stone when scary music started playing, he pushed a shopping cart filled with florescent light tubes to the ring and parked it on the apron. Stone pisses himself and runs away. Damage rolls into the ring and pulls a light tube out of the shopping cart. He hits himself in the head with it. Brain Damage picks up the microphone off the ground. “I AM LIKE MICK FOLEY”, Damage takes another light tube out of the shopping cart and hits himself in the head with it. “EXCEPT I AM BETTER”, he takes a third tube out of the cart and smashes it into his head. “SHERMAN TANK IS A WEINER”, Damage takes a fourth light tube out of the cart and hits himself with it. “I AM A WINNER” he does that thing he keeps doing. Then he grabs the sixth and final light tube. “I AM SAVING THIS ONE FOR SHERMAN TANK” Brain Damage leaves the ring with the tube.”
Go on their website for the full results.
59 fatalities of children ages 9 to 11 years old were reported last night all around the world and that number keeps on increasing. All of them watched the SSAW PPV and decided to be like their favorite superstars and be dangerous jug heads. Doug Martyr age 11 was hit in the head 45 times with a stone chair; he died on the 11th one. His little sister is being charged with Murder. Judge Marks says the 9 year old will be tried as an adult. The families capitalizing on their children’s death to make a quick buck have filed a class action lawsuit.
Judge Sapphire has dismissed the class action lawsuit on SSAW from the families of the children who died because of their sick, perverse, silly, dumb, gee, pay per view, saying it was “Bull Butt” and the kids “Weren’t raised correctly” and “Deserved to die”.
The President had an interview where he challenged Judge Sapphire to a fight. He said one of his kids died because of that sick, twisted, perverse, rope-encouraging program and that he needed some money. This gave a clue at The President’s identity, he is anonymous after all, but this may just be a red herring.
POP (Pee’d Off Parents), an organization against the senseless murder of children ages 9 to 11, has decided to picket the next SSAW event Centre City Slam 14. The head of the organization had this to say. “My kid died because you used stone chairs on that show, so flip you guys” as you can tell he is certainly pee’d off. This also gave a clue at the head of POP’s identity, he is anonymous after all, but this may just be a red herring.
Here is the announced card for Centre City Slam 14
SSAW Global Warrior Championship
John Boy Corbett © vs. Shane Matthews /w Akira Criss and Michael Elgin
The show is tomorrow and they are really upping their game, they are saying the show will be available in 350 languages/American dialects this time so you are in for a night of surprise!
Last edited by ndqw : 02-24-2013 at 02:56 AM.
Reason: I had a naughty word in there on accident, I changed it to rope.