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post #113 of (permalink) Old 01-23-2013, 11:06 PM
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Re: Daniel Bryan is the best.

Originally Posted by KeepinItReal View Post
You can take everything in wrestling and belittle it into meaninglessness. Its not just a word, its that Daniel Bryan is f'n insane. He has an emotional disorder. That's funny. Also, humor is supposed to be ironic and absurd, and the fact that he's constantly expressing himself in this ridiculous manner is absurd. Ppl laugh at it. I laugh at it, just like I laugh at Dane Cook. Bryan is this generation's Kurt Angle, minus the great look and the credibility of an Olympic gold medal. He gets away with humor because almost everyone in the audience knows he's the best in-ring performer on the roster, and the majority of the ones who don't are kids who are in love with Bryan for being a small nice guy with simple absurd humor (and fast action).
I don't see the humor. I literally don't. He has an emotional disorder...so? Things need context, you can't just present something and expect us to think its hilarious. In real life, tons of people have anger problems-why is it in Bryan's case we're supposed to think its funny? Because he gets mad? Fuck me, I get mad on a regular basis, I must be the reincarnation of Groucho Marx. Would you like to see a good example of funny anger management?

I can easily identify why this is funny. Its an eclectic group of mismatched individuals all assembled together against their will to complete an anger management program. The situation is completely ridiculous-you've got a wannabe white gangster, a fat school boy (Cartman), a goth elementary student, a Chinese restaurant owner, a conservative redneck, a macho bodybuilder and a feminist, and they've all got anger problems. The episode eventually reveals that the reason everyone is so pissed off is because the American average penis size currently classifies them as below average. When this is highlighted, the government fudges the numbers and changes it so that 1.5 inches is considered average, which makes everyone above average...except Cartman. While everyone else celebrates their new found above average masculinity, Cartman totally loses his shit. However, this is all found out after the anger management group goes on a rampage, taking a local post office hostage and attempting to burn it down. The whole thing is so completely exaggerated and bizarre, and yet it ties together nicely so that it makes perfect sense. The humor comes from the exaggeration and the satire of real life-we know that people don't just get angry from having a small dick, but they make the situation seem so simple in such an off beat way that its hilarious. Notice, too, that everyone actually acts like they're pissed off, what with the whole hostage situation and attempted murder...

What exactly is supposed to be funny about Bryan? He got badly booked at Wrestlemania to get buried, so he gets thrown into a feud with CM Punk when the company realizes that actually got him over. Eventually, he gets overshadowed by AJ and decides to ask her to marry him. She dumps him at the altar. Now suddenly we're told that Bryan has major anger problems and has to go to therapy to try and control them. Wait, what? The worst we'd ever see prior was that Bryan took offense to getting insulted when likened to a goat...a totally normal reaction. But no, we have to make Bryan actually seem crazy now. After all, HE'S IN THERAPY, AND ONLY CRAZY PEOPLE ARE IN THERAPY. So let's just have him chant Yes at the shrink and in his anger management sessions and then see a goat in a Rorschach test. He's random-LAUGH AT HIM. Oh wait, we're not done. Now he and his therapy partner, Kane, are going to be paired up! What a hilarious odd couple tandem-its two guys with anger problems (one guy who legitimately seems crazy through 15 years of build up, the other we're just supposed to believe some half assed story and events) and they have to coexist! What a completely original idea, pairing together two guys who are so different and yet so alike!

Please identify the humor in this. Really, go ahead and try. Is it Bryan complaining about being made fun of when someone says he looks like a goat? I'd say that's maybe a one time slight chuckle the FIRST time you hear it. Is it because he's crazy? He doesn't do a good job of conveying it. On top of that, why is he crazy? Because the fans do a chant when he comes out? People used to chant 'asshole' at Triple H, Vince, Rock, any top heel. Why does it bug Bryan? Furthermore, how in God's name does something like that transform you into a crazy character? Is it because Bryan gets angry? People get angry on a daily basis, why is it supposed to be funny in his case? He acts like...tons of people regularly do. There's nothing humorous or special about it, its extremely routine. South Park was funny because their reaction was so extreme and outlandish (taking hostages at a post office due to insecurity of the size of their penises). On top of all of this, pro wrestling is SUPPOSED to be angry and rage driven. When people tune in, they want to see intensity and emotion, and one of the easiest ways to convey this is to show anger. "Hogan beat me up, stole my girlfriend and spray painted me. I'm gonna kick his fucking ass for being a douchebag." Well, that's simple and identifiable. Its only in today's bullshit WWE where its been so sanitized of any feeling and connection with the characters that we see someone try to get angry to try and sell a feud and instead of it being taken seriously, we're told to laugh at it.

And yeah, I'm gonna play the Attitude card. Were we ever told to laugh when Austin came out and threatened to cripple Vince and assault every member of the Corporation? What about when Mick Foley screamed at the Rock that he'd have to kill him to take his title? Or when Triple H demanded Cactus Jack put his career on the line because he was wanted to end it? We loved those feuds and moments. Now, getting angry or showing emotion is a bad thing. Take a lesson from the top guy-when bad shit happens, when you have the worst year of your career, when you lose the biggest match of your life, how do you react?

Kill me.

Back to Bryan...He screams yes and no...what's the point of that? That he's supposed to control his 'anger' (and its probably the worst representation and faking of anger I've ever seen) and instead he doesn't and let's it get the best of him? If so, why doesn't he just launch into a tirade and verbally rip someone apart instead of acting like a fucking retard and screaming YES and NO? What if to control my anger I hit the deck and start flopping around like a chicken with its head cut off? That makes about as much sense as screaming yes and no.

One of the other thing about this idiotic persona is that is it so completely unconvincing. I'm watching wrestling, I know full well not to expect Citizen Kane on a regular basis, but come on. Bryan looks like he goes out there and says "ok, let's do angry", and what results is the lamest attempts at conveying the emotion of rage in history. He sounds, if anything, a little bit off put.

Glad to see my Dane Cook theory is proven true. Only mental deficients who like Cook would love Bryan.

And comparing Bryan to Angle is so insulting to Kurt. Kurt had charisma out the wazoo and was about a million times more interesting than D-Bry.

Originally Posted by KeepinItReal View Post
How about WHAT? Can you smell what the Rock is cooking? It doesn't matter! Gimme a hell yeah! And that's the bottom line, because someone else who spoke in the third person said so. You can't see me (lol coming to think of it that's the most meaningful one). Saying "You're welcome" at the end of promos. Take away all these ridiculous phrases, and Rock and Austin are seriously reduced from what they were. Saying "NO!" because you're angry about your standing, or angry at your opponent, or angry at the audience for taking a catchphrase that belongs to you, isn't that bad. Hopefully he's not JUST doing this a yr from now, but if he's doing other stuff and saying "yes" or "no" it'll be fine. Its just comic relief.
What was stupid. Won't lie.

Let's translate these.

Gimme a hell yeah-say hell yeah if you agree with me.

And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so-that's the last I'm saying on the subject, I'm right, fuck you.

It doesn't matter-whatever you have to say is absolutely meaningless.

If ya smell what the Rock is cookin'-do you understand what I mean?

I am the Game, and I'm that damn good-I am professional wrestling embodied, that's why I'm so amazing at it.

You're welcome-I am taking the initiative to say you're welcome before you've had a chance to thank me for being a patronizing jerk, whereas I see it as taking the time to make you a better person, which is why you should thank me.

When broken down, these actually make total sense, whether they be catchphrases or insults.

YES and NO, on the other hand...make absolutely zero sense. Once upon a time, they kind of did. Bryan once said "I'm going to call it the YES lock because once you're in it, I'll ask if you submit, and you'll scream YES. Finally, some fucking explanation. I doubt anyone remembers that anymore since its NEVER mentioned. And why is NO in existence? It, along with YES, stand for absolutely nothing. Its just something meaningless to yell at the crowd. In fact, I think he started saying NO just because the crowd said YES. So what is Bryan, opposite man? They yell UP, he yells DOWN. They yell THIN, he yells FAT. They shout YOU'RE A CHOCOLATE MIDGET, he screams I'M A VANILLA MIDGET. Except...that's not what they're trying to convey...at all...he's supposed to be crazy, but bellows out random crap that has no reasoning or substance behind it...nothing about this fucking character makes sense.

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