Originally Posted by GOD of CUNT
In my twelve years here I've learned three things:
1: I was subjected to at least 114 minutes of The Mummy tonight, and I came to the realisation that I would put my prick in every oracle Rachel Weisz has to offer. Or is it orifice? No, I'm pretty sure it's oracle. I would prick every one of those oracles.
2: When you walk into an off-license in Glasgow and ask for 2 crates of the wifebeater, the rat bastard behind the counter should know what you're looking for. He should not say, "Is that a vest?"
C) This one should be common knowledge.
5: £4.50 for one shot of Havana Club is a fucking disgrace and I am not sorry I murdered that little cunt.
6: I learned how to say "shit in a shower cap" in French tonight, but I've forgotten now. I would like to thank i$e for opening my eyes and ears and pussy and convincing me to pursue being ambidextrous. Or bilingual or bilateral or whatever.
9: I am not bisexual, but when I meet Craig in some shit tip of a club in Sauchiehall street I will mount him.
6: iPhones are fucking gay as fuck and apparently "him" should be spellchecked and changed to "Jill." In whose world? Not fucking mine.
F) There is no such thing as a bachelor's in alcoholic. That makes no sense and I totally didn't believe my cunt of a father when he told me he had that.
10: I would drink a gallon of my own piss before I give a speech at my father's wedding.
11: I like Cody but ..... for the love of god change your avatar to something that isn't an eleven year old boy.
D) If you're in a club with a purple top hat and you're eating chocolate, I'm going to call you Willy Wonka. I don't see how this should surprise you in any way whatsoever. If you take offence to this then you deserve every second of me putting your nose through your brain with a shovel.
15: Where the hood at?
I'll be amazed if I ever see a better/funnier post on this forum, at least this week anyway. 11 made me spit out cinnamon grahams FFS!!! You're still my official wrestling dvd reviewer tbhaley