I don't know if you ever heard about this device. It's a wonderful device, created by William Staub, a mechanical engineer.
It's called a treadmill. See, what you do, is you turn on the machine, you get on the treadmill and run on the conveyor belt, this will help you lose all that jiggly fat that seems to weight down on your skeleton and make you a little more healthier. But you know what really amazes me about your grotesque physique? Is the fact that your horrendous 80s hair do that looks like it was lighted on fire still can't seem to cover your behemoth carcass.
The treadmill, babe. The treadmill.