Re: Oh, God. I might have to cook Thanksgiving.
Also, I'm a little salty for Loudness red repping me for my Original Post, telling me to "grow up." Who wouldn't be a little nervous at the thought of being responsible for a big dinner, if they've never done it before? Age has nothing to do with it. And I've thought of some solutions, used suggestions from this thread for others, and . . . will eventually figure out what to do for the turkey. Oh, god. Let us pray I don't give everyone salmonella.
Don't worry too much about the turkey. Unless you're as inept as me in the kitchen – and few folks are, so I expect you're better with food than I am – cooking one so that it's edible isn't the problem. Even mine tasted quite good, very moist, it just looked terrible. Turkey dinner novices tend to either over cook the bird, leaving it dry, or underestimate how long it needs to stay in the oven, leaving guests waiting on supper for an extra hour.
Get as much help as you can with the veggies, assign one to each guest if possible. Use the biggest pots you can find and prepare twice what you think you'll need. Some, like turnip if you mash it, seem to cook up into less than you expect.