Sounds like you're in a pretty bad head space right now. I hope things work out for you, sometimes you gotta make the best of a bad situation. Like the saying goes "when life gives you lemons make lemonade"
In the meantime it might be a good idea to keep an online journal or a diary getting all that shit out on paper might be quite therapeutic for you. I used to do that as a kid and it seemed to work for me.
It's a shame because a 21st should be something to be remembered. Just try to stay positive, I know it can be hard sometimes. Peace.